Articles

[olinda]

What is the difference between men and women?


1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.


[ برای مشاهده لینک ، با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[olinda]

فرق زنان با مردان (روابط)
Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers
to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis".
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her
girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she
will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up,
at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let
you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and
you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for
us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that
99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that
offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely
prove effective.

فرق دخترا با پسرا(بلوغ)
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading
baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This
is why high school romances rarely work.



فرق زنان با مردان (کمدی)
Comedy:

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television,
and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will
get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the
actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eys
and groan and wait it out.

فرق زنان با مردان (دستخط)
Handwriting
:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot
their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large
loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note
from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face
at the end of the note.



فرق زنان با مردان (حمام)
Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

[olinda]

فرق زنان با مردان (روزنامه)
Magazines:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's
magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because
the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is
hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

فرق زنان با مردان (بقالی)
Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store
and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his
fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes
grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a
man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that
the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not
stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

فرق زنان با مردان (بیرون رفتن)
Going out:

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go
out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be
ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes
putting on her makeup...



Cats:گربه ها
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
.

[olinda]

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are
ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny
surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.

Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.
Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages,
and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches
in garages.

Movies:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien
Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind".
For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's
face in "Public Enemy".

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry.
A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than
that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated
emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of
the changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses,
a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a
Porsche.

[olinda]

The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to
send short messages to other people.
A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home,
she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Low Blows:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of
the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must
hurt." The man doubles over and
actually feels pain.

Directions:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings,
she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this
to be a sign of weakness.
Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle
for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found
a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize
that White Hen store".

Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is ---- in a dangerous way.
Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works
at the health club and dates only married women.

.

[olinda]

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A
man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will
dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is
because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a *man*.
The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere.
This is another reason why men hate him.

David Letterman:
Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth.
Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4,000 for
state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography
classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up
taking better pictures.

Politics:
Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things
such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is
growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign
for them and cry on election night.

[olinda]

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker room--***. And not in abstract
terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and THEY NEVER LIE.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were
hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he
is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside
out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the
laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the
laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, ----, fresh, and all-American.
Male cheerleaders are scary.

Socks
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.
Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have
pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11
or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys.
As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical.
Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated
juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails
on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least
six "D" batteries to operate.

Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man
waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment
full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt
Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names
like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames.
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch,
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.
But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut
Brain and Useless. __________________

.

.

[pedram_ashena]

Pearls of Wisdom
"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over
50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

Your friends love you anyway.

[olinda]

Five (5) lessons about the way we treat people.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say "hello."

[olinda]

- Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached.

It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
. ________