ENGLISH JOKES

[afsane b]

Teacher: How old is your father
Boy: As old as me
Teacher: How can that be
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

[afsane b]

Teacher: Kumar, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his
Kumar: No, teacher, it's the same dog

[afsane b]

Girl: "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school"
Mother: "That's nice of her to take such an interest. What did she say when you told her you are the only child"
Girl: "She just said, 'Thank goodness'"

[afsane b]

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested
John: A Teacher

[afsane b]

Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher: How
Student: Ladies first

[afsane b]

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him
John: "Because George still had the axe in his hand

[afsane b]

TEACHER: John, go to the map and find North America
John: Here it is
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America
CLASS: John

[M A X I M U M]

A man comes into a pub, sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bar keeper brings him his beer. After he has drunk it, he grabs in his bag and puts a small piano on the bar, grabs in his bag and puts a small chair on the bar and grabs a third time in his bag and sits down a small man on that chair.
And the small man plays piano very well, a the most beatyful music they've ever heared. After he's finished, everyone applauds. And the bar keeper asks the man: "Where do you have it from? It's so wonderful."
And the man said: "I own an dgini-lamp. And so I got this by a wish of mine. Hey," he said to the bar keeper, "do you have a wish? You can wish you everything!"

[M A X I M U M]

"Me?", the bar keeper asks. "I have a wish for free? Coo-ool." Ok, no sooner said than done, the man grabs in his bag and gets out from it the meant lamp. He rubs at the side of the lamp and the dgini appeares: "Ok, budy. You have one wish for free." And the bar keeper says: "I wanna have one million dollars!" The dgini snap one's fingers and disapperes, and all over the bottom are dugs. Small, yellow cackling dugs. And the bar keeper said to the man: "But I wanna have dollars, not dugs." And the man: "Do you really think, I've asked for a 12 inches pianist?"

[M A X I M U M]

A priest getting ready to hear confessions duddenly realized that he desparately had to go to the bathroom. He looked outside the confessional and saw the janitor walking by. He pulled him aside and said: "Look, I really gotta go to the bathroom, but people are lining up for confession. Could you take over for a few minutes?" The janitor began to protest, but the priest said: "Look, its easy. I have the sins and give them penance. No one will know it's you in there" The janitor agreed and took his place in the confessional.