ENGLISH JOKES

[m007007]

21st Century....

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very Very less

[m007007]

Money Isn't Everything

-------

IF U THINK SOOOOOOOOO

[olinda]

> Subject: MELTDOWN JOKES
>
>
>>
>>
>> 1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
>> building standing. It's called the stock market - Jay Leno
>>
>> 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being
>> called Wall Mart Street - Jay Leno
>>
>> 3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The
>> pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
>>
>> 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas
>> and an investment banker? A tie!
>>
>> 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left
>> side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
>>
>> 6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if
>> you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't
>> fall for it - Jay Leno
>>
>> 7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favorite
>> candy bar - Jay Leno
>>
>> 8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even
>> thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno
>>
>> 9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in
>> San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors,
>> General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno
>>
>> 10. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my
>> cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether
>> that refers to mine or the bank's

[C. Breezy]

دستتون درد نکنه ... خیلی قشنگه ... بیشترشون جنبه نگرش به بدبختی هامون رو دارن ، ولی خیلی جالبن ... خسته نباشین

[C. Breezy]

I find a good one



A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.

"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

[C. Breezy]

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George !

*********************************************

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didnt have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

*********************************************

TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, Im Billy Anderson.

*********************************************

TEACHER: Didnt you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didnt I promise to punish you if you didnt?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I dont expect you to keep yours.

*********************************************

HAROLD:Teacher, would you punish me for something I didnt do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didnt do my homework.

*********************************************

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, School Ahead, Go Slow.

*********************************************

TEACHER: I hope I didnt see you looking at Dons paper.
JOHN: I hope you didnt either.

_______________________

weren't they Great ... they were best Jenglish Jokes i have ever Heard ( or read! )
...

[summoning]

Two factory workers are talking.
The first man says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The second man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The first man says, "Just wait and see." He then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The firstman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
he says ok and then go.
The second man starts to follow him and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

[jimia]

hay there. This one is originally told about American former president G.W.bush and its pretty old but i didn't find it in this topic, so i write it.

One day George Bush went to a doctor, and the doctor examined his brain and then the doctor told him:"Mr.President, you-like anyother normal person- have tow brains- a left brain and a right brain. The problem is that in your left brain there's nothing right and in your right brain there's nothing left.

[محمد88]

?A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father
B: I'm not. I'm her mother

[jimia]

Few Funny Definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes