Funny English Stories

[H M R 0 0 7]

Washcloth


There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was.

She responded, “It’s my wash cloth.”

Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair.

The boy asked, “What happened to your wash cloth?”

The mother responded, “I lost it.”

The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother’s washcloth.

A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, “I found your washcloth.”

The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, “Where did you find it?”

The boy answered, “The maid has it! She is washing daddy’s face with it.”

[H M R 0 0 7]

Blondes in the wild

Two blondes are walking in the African bush when they come across a set of tracks. The first blondes proclaims, “Those are Leopard tracks”.The second replies “”Oh no they’re not. Those are Lion tracks”. “Uh uh,” says the first blonde again “those are definately Leopard tracks”,”Lion!” shouts the second blonde,”Leopard!”"Lion!”"Leopard!” They were both still arguing when they train hit them.

[H M R 0 0 7]

Golfing With A Hitman

Three friends were playing golf one beautiful Sunday morning, as usual, and they never missed a weekend. As one of them was about to take the first tee a guy, by himself, asked if he could join their flight. The friends looked at each other and figured “sure, why not,” as they haven’t played with anyone else in quite some time.

So they teed off and all four were getting along pretty well. Right about the turn, on the 9th hole, they were all chit chatting and getting to know one another. Curious, one of the friends asked the new guy what he did for a living and, funny enough, he told them he was a hitman. They all kind of laughed it off, and asked him again - this time seriously.

The stranger said “No really, I’m hitman. My gun is in my golf bag, I carry it everywhere I go. You can take a look if you don’t believe me, I’ve never been dishonest.”

So one of the guys in the group decided to take him up on the offer and, opening the bag, sure enough revealed a really nice rifle with huge scope mounted at the top. He got all excited about it. He said “WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look through it?”

“Sure,” said the stranger.


So the man looked around for a second and said “HELL YEAH! You can! I can even see through my windows into my bedroom. There’s my wife, naked. Sweet! Isn’t she beautiful? WAIT! There’s my next door neighbor! He’s naked too! And he’s in my room!”

This upset the golfer, terribly, so he asked the hitman how much he would charge for a hit. The hit man replied “It’s $1000 every time I pull the trigger.” The man said “$1000, ouch! Well, OK. I want two hits. I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She’s always nagging at me and I can’t stand it. Then I want you to shoot my neighbor right in the crotch, for screwing around with my wife.”

The hit man agrees, gears up and takes aim through the scope. He’s looking for what has to be 10 minutes. The golfer begins to get impatient and asks the hitman what he’s waiting for. The hitman replies kind of anxiously, “Just hold on a minute… I’m about to save you a thousand bucks!”

[devil_ff2008]

Very Nice
Tanks a lot

[H M R 0 0 7]

This story is not funny,but ...

A Boy Liked A Girl Working In A CD Shop Very Much. But He Did Not Tell Her About His Love. Everyday He went to The CD Shop, And Bought A CD Just For Talking To Her. After A Month He Died. When The Girl Went To His House And Asked About Him, Boy's Mom Said That He Died, And Then Mother Took The Girl To Boy's Room. She Saw All The CDs Unopened. The Girl Cried And Cried And Finally Died.You Know Why She Cried? Because She Had Kept Her Own Love Letters Inside The CD Packs. She Also Loved Him. Moral Of The Story : If You Love Someone, Say To Him/Her Directly. Don't Wait For The Destiny To Play The Role

[sepehr_x50]

Awesome

Thankful

[A r c h i]

Thanks Hossein,The stories are so nice l