ENGLISH JOKES

[Antonio Andolini]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

[c0dest0rm]

One day Kuttappan's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".


Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".


Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and

slapped

Kuttappan on his face.


His dad told him "Mone (son), This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, Why are you late?"


"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments",

Splatt

Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.



"No dad honest I went for the movie SE* Queen."

Dad :"Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."


Splatt

, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Kuttappans mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying,

"After all he is your son.......", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappan's mother's face.

[A r c h i]

Two friends, Sam and Mike, were riding on a bus. Suddenly the bus stopped and bandits got on. The bandits began robbing the passengers. They were taking the passengers’ jewelry and watches. They were taking all their money, too.

Sam opened his wallet and took out twenty dollars. He gave the twenty dollars to Mike.

“Why are you giving me this money?” Mike asked.

“Last week I didn’t have any money, and you loaned me twenty dollars, remember?” Sam said.

“Yes, I remember,” Mike said.

“I’m paying you back,” Sam said.

[A r c h i]

The woman patient was returning from the dentist’s office after her third successive attempt to have a tooth extracted. Each time she had just lost her nerve after being seated in the chair and had returned home, the tooth still intact.

After making the fourth engagement with the dentist the man said to his assistant, “When she is seated in the chair and I get my forceps on the tooth and glance at you, you give her a hypodermic in the hip.”

The operation went as planned, the shot was given and the tooth out.

“Now, said the dentist, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” but was astonished at her reply “No, but I never dreamed the roots went down that far!”

[A r c h i]

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per meter,” replied the smirking male clerk.

“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten meters.”

The clerk measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl grabbed the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. “Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.l

[feri mankan]

When there is a will,there is a way. There is no way when there isn't any destinations.

[feri mankan]

Nobody wants you,nobody makes you happy,nobody wants good things for you,nobody loves you.don't cry!My name is Nobody.

[feri mankan]

Live and smile.For the people who live for your smile.

[feri mankan]

We spent the moments to get to the best life.We didn't know that the best life was the moments we spent.
DR.SHARIATI

[feri mankan]

The people asked a man:Say a sentence to make us sad when we are happy and make us happy when we are sad.He answered:This will be spent,too.