Articles

[olinda]

31. I hate it when she drags me around linen shops on a Saturday morning then spends Saturday night painting her toenails in bed. Dropping huge blobs of nail varnish on the
new sheets. Duh! And then being in a black mood for the
rest of the weekend.

32. She always leaves a wet towel on my side of the bed in the morning so that in the evening my side is soaking and I have to dry it with a hairdryer before I can get in.

33. She is a much colder sleeper than I am and when I move around at night I get clipped around the ear for ‘making cold air’ under the duvet.

34. I hate the way my chick moans about how I fart in bed, but doesn’t mind that the dog runs around in the garden stepping in it’s own doo-doo and then invites it up on to the bed at night to cuddle up.

35. The way she always leaves the bedroom cupboards open, and when I ask her to close them she petulantly kicks them closed.

36. When she doesn’t want to have ***, instead of saying she’s not in the mood, she launches into some arbitrary, nonsensical monologue about redecorating the lounge or moving the washing machine, as soon as I make my first move.

37. When we first started dating she couldn’t wait to get me into the sack and wore fancy frilly underwear. Now I have to literally arm-wrestle her into bed and it takes me 40 minutes to get through her 75 layers of very un-trendy ‘sleepwear’.

38. My babe ALWAYS leaves a make-up bag in the wash-basin in the downstairs bathroom.

39. She leaves those see-through tampon wrappers lying on the bathroom sink top. They’re everywhere!

40. She always uses my razor to shave her legs and under her arms, without telling me and then laughs at all the bits of tissue paper on my bloody face.

[olinda]

41. I hate it when she dumps ear buds, tampon wrappers, cotton wool balls and sweet wrappers down the toilet bowl and then wonders why the drain is blocked.

42. Leaves bits of make-up in the basin, after using the above-basin mirror when applying it.

43. I hate how she’s allowed to squeeze my pimples, but won’t let me go anywhere near hers.

44. She always hogs the bathroom in the morning and I must wait for her to finish her hair, face, eyebrows etc, before I can enter it. At least I get to sleep in later.

45. The time it takes her to buy a dress. She knows her size, the colour and style she likes – just walk in, take it off the shelf and pay for it. Why does it take three hours?

46. She consoles our son when I’ve just given him a good hiding for throwing a tantrum.

47. When we first met, she loved my funky shirts and faded jeans, but now she doesn’t like the ‘trendy’ look and when I buy clothes she prefers more casual or traditional stuff.

48. She wears hipster pants that show her belly button. Okay, so they look great at first, but then they inevitably slip down enough to show a hint of a G-string. Not that great.

49. I get my favourite magazines by subscription, including overseas ones, and just when I’m settling down to read on a lazy Sunday afternoon, she whips them away saying they look much more interesting than her lot.

50. She stands in front of her cupboard for hours saying “I’ve got nothing to wear, can I borrow something of yours?” And then she proceeds to fall in love with something and I never see it again.

[olinda]

51. Deliberately flirting with every loser in town just to make me irritated and jealous.

52. She knows I’m running late for a meeting with a friend or a soccer match etc, but as I’m about to run out of the door, she sheepishly asks if she can come with me. If I say ‘No’ she wants to know why you never include her – which could take about a decade to explain, and if I say ‘Yes’ I have to wait for her to get dressed etc. No-win situation.

53. My wife expects me to be friendly with her male colleagues, former varsity chums etc, but she can’t stand to meet any of my female work mates, ex-school or university friends, and definitely no women from my past. I introduce her to someone and it’s the complete brush-off.

54. I hate how she starts to get ready to go out an hour before I get into the shower and when I am ready to go, she still makes me wait at least another 30 minutes.

55. The way my babe uses the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ when reprimanding me for my bad behaviour – I am sometimes a good boy!

56. Her use of the royal ‘we’. She goes around the house saying, “We need to fix the lightbulb and we need to paint the steps and we need to clean out the gutters.” What she really means is me.

57. The way my babe blatantly accepts free drinks from guys all night, but then wants to be considered independent and unattainable.

58. I hate it when my babe collects all the used Christmas and birthday wrapping paper and puts it in a neat pile, carefully removes the sticky tape and saves it for next Christmas, but she still buys new stuff every year.

59. I hate the way my chick tells me she’s going to book club once a month, cooking classes twice a month, pottery classes twice a week and then complains when I play golf one Sunday per month.

60. That she is irritated that I didn’t phone her, but she was on the Internet all morning and ‘accidentally’ left her cell phone off.

[olinda]

61. She spends our last R500 on clothes, a week before pay day.

62. She has to spend R350 on her hair every month, while mine costs R40.

63. Two hours after she has washed up (seldom), I go to the sink and it has cold, greasy water still in it and when I bark at her I’m met with “I’m leaving it in just in case something else needs washing, rather then running a new sink of water.”

64. She stuffs all the Sunday newspapers in the kitchen bin and then turns around and shouts “The bin needs emptying.”

65. Instead of scraping the plate into a bin, she washes the leftovers off plates into the sink. Guess who has to dig the glutinous mass out of the plug hole? Who’d have thought that a whole carrot and some brussel sprouts won’t go down a plug hole?

66. Whenever she makes tea she always leaves the tea-bag on the counter when the bin is only an arm’s length away.

67. I love my babe’s cooking and I’m more than happy to do the washing up, but it drives me crazy when she leaves all the food on the stove overnight. Surely the food is the cook’s responsibility?

68. She is obsessed with cleanliness but then she always puts the germ-ridden dustpan and brush on top of the kitchen counter where we cut and chop the food.

69. The way she insists on washing the pots under running warm water BEFORE she sits down to eat, even though the food has already been dished. So I have to wait for her before I can eat.

70. The way my babe will make a sandwich (without asking if I want one) and leave everything on the counter for someone else (usually me) to clean up.

[olinda]

71. She will take the rubbish to the outside bin in the pouring rain rather than cleaning out the kitchen bin.

72. The way my babe eats food that she knows is bad for her, then she gets miserable for days because she thinks she’s fat.

73. The way my babe sometimes uses the dish towel – rather than a cloth – to wipe the mess on the kitchen counter. Sis, man!

74. The way my babe ‘collects’ glasses of water on her bedside table and there are never any in the kitchen cupboard.

75. When making coffee/tea, she always manages to spill a bit, leaving a ring on the counter top that has to be scrubbed off at a later stage. By me.

76. I love to cook and when I do I need to taste what I’m preparing. But every time I put the spoon down she whisks it away and throws it into the sink.

77. When making coffee/tea, despite using only one teaspoon of sugar, she still stirs the contents about 150 million times.

78. She doesn’t take sugar, and on the rare occasion that she makes the tea, she remembers to put my sugar in but forgets to stir it so I have to go back downstairs to the kitchen.

79. She has that last sip of milk from the bottle before dashing off to work, leaving lipstick on the rim and putting the empty bottle back in the fridge.

80. How she organises home-made sandwiches for me for the day, but she uses our joint Woolworths
card to get herself lunch.

[olinda]

81. My babe remembers every word said in an argument we had six months ago. Yet I can’t remember what happened yesterday.

82. Her inopportune times to have discussions on the state of the relationship. Like the minute the golf or rugby starts, or as you get back from a massive night out, or my worst, when you wake up hung-over on a Sunday and all you want is the Sunday papers.

83. Her insistence that she never farts, but I know that the moment I leave the house, she lets rip and the dog passes out.

84. I hate the interrogation process you go through when you’ve been away for anything more than a couple of days. You have to remember every meal you had, where you went, what you did, who you saw, what you talked about, and if there is the slightest discrepancy in your story the next day, the process starts all over. You can’t say “Went for dinner with Wendy and Tom, got home at 11.” It’s “What did you have, where did you go, who’s Wendy, is she pretty, did you have any drinks, did you go anywhere afterwards, what did you do when you got back to the hotel, why didn’t you call when you said you would?”

85. When we met we eyed each other across the dance floor at 3am. She told her friends she’d really met her man – a charming party animal. Now, if I raise the idea of boogying, she calls me a ‘lecherous perv’.

86. The way my babe thinks that I go to boozy late-night after-work functions purely for my pleasure – this is hard work.

87. If I ask her if something is wrong the response is always the same: “You should know what is bothering me.” Hey, at least I had the intuition to know that something was wrong, now I’m supposed to know what it is? Go figure.

88. I hate when she tells me what to wear to any meeting or engagement.

89. My wife insists on wanting to discuss certain ‘serious domestic issues’ while I am reading the Sunday Times. This is definitely two hours of ‘my’ time.

90. The fact that retail therapy for the missus equates to me paying for the plumber or the electrician.

[olinda]

91. Not being allowed to stare at her naked because she feels she doesn’t look good.

92. She expects me to go to her house after work and sit through nauseating meals with her know-it-all mother who knows nothing about anything.

93. The way that she disapproves publicly of my choice of clothing. Every time I buy something on my own, she hates it and turns her nose up at it. She only likes what she chooses.

94. She’s always right. She will never admit that I am right in an argument or debate. If I am right she simply walks away from the discussion.

95. My babe pervs over Brad Pitt’s body but gets upset when I go to gym because I’m “only thinking of myself and not spending enough time with her”.

96. My babe has hormones to blame on her four-day sulking sprees. And then when she comes to me on the fifth day, all doe-eyed, I’m supposed to just understand that it was premenstrual tension.

97. My girlfriend always complains about her body and then convinces me and herself that she’s motivated to watch what she eats. Next thing I know she’s ordering cheese cake.

98. I can’t stand the way women have double standards. You do something wrong and then it’s big lecture time, but then she does exactly the same thing and says it’s different.

99. Why does bookclub have a nobility rating greater than a night out with the boys? Both occasions involve wine and bullshitting with your mates. Coming home late from book club smelling of booze is the same as me tripping over the dog at 4am.

100. Why smile and giggle through an evening with friends and turn into a violent bitch when we get home. If I’ve done something to offend you early on in the evening, give me some sort of signal.

101. Don’t get all steamy on the couch and just before the big bang, absent-mindedly announce that this is your most fertile day of the month – if there is no protection its easy for you to go back to watching television. We have a little trouble getting comfy with half the wood in China expecting a logging off.

[olinda]

An iranian handsome boy immigrated to USA speaking almost no English but thanks to his good look soon found a nice blond ,beautiful girlfriend .
Once after dinner , she asked for the recipe of the AAsh cooked by his mother .His translation of the ingredients from Persian to English follows :

My dear my mother put in this Iranian soup :
- yellow wood (zard chobeh )
- Indian stamp (tamre hendi)
- Wet blood( tar khon )
- Flower of a cow's tongue (gole gav zaboon)
.
.
.
.
.
sometime later when their relationship was going down the drain, He said to her " Look, I very very love you
or come and run with me to marry or please light my homework . . . .
( ya bia ba ham farar konim ya taklife mano roshan kon )

So long

[olinda]

Water Drop
If a drop of water falls on lake, it loses its identity;
If it falls on a rose, it shines;
If it falls on a shell, it becomes a pearl;
The drop is the same, but the company matters.
.

[ali80]

So beautiful THANK YOU