Writing & Editing & Tips

[SCYTHE]

In an early morning, in a dull n gloomy day, Tom dropped into an abandoned child who was left in a vacant and shabby building. He was in doubt to take the child but eventually he took him to his house. Tom's wife burst into cry when she saw the abandoned child n was keen to keep the child but since they were living in poverty n they had a life full of hardships n toils, Tom refused to keep the baby and he decided to give the child to an orphanage n they also named the baby Micheal. Since then Tom and his wife visited Micheal frequently till he grew up n became a qualified doctor. Then, Micheal who was aware of his childhood n Tom n his parents' kindness swore an oath to remain a bachelor and support this poor, kind and old couple.l
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sorry my immagination is tooooooo pooooor, n I can never write a good story or a tale, English is my aim not the writing a story, sorry if that's sorta crap
by the way, you can write whatever u like n as much as u like, no need to make a story. just write whatever u wish
goood luck

You were born to be a fabulous writer!l
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If you have some land to use as your wish, how you would use this land?

What should I do if some day I had some land to exploit it? It’s a serious question while it’s just an imaginary case. Before making a decision, I prefer to talk to some of my friends that have much tact so that I can trust them in order to gather some correct data.I've a variety of options in my mind, I can take advantage of this vacant land and build an apartment or business center at it, or build something that relieves some hardship of abandoned children and helps them to qualify as important and beneficial people for their community, e.g. by building a charity shop which can provide funds for bachelors to get married or public school, etc. I choose the first option and the reasons for my opinion are as follows.

Although I’m keen to help other people, I sometimes think that it’s better rather have an ordinary life, raise my standard of living. I’m not jealous of rich people and also I’m unaccustomed to this way of living. I never enjoy living at so called “big house” or having luxurious facilities, though if I have some land as an asset that I can guarantee my future, I don’t think it would be a bad idea. I’d like to build an apartment there and rent the units. In this way, In addition to having a constant income, I own something which its cost would raise daily probably and whenever I felt that I can do a better job instead of renting, I can take my property back without any problems. Furthermore, I’m unfavorable to risk my property by investing on other doubtful projects, simply because I’m not gallant enough. Finally, I’d like to share some of the profit among the poor too; nevertheless, I don’t take an oath that I would do.

From what has been discussed above, I may safely draw the conclusion that using this land to build an apartment would be the best option for me and also I’d like to be involved in helping other people

[sepid12ir]

You were born to be a fabulous writer!l
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If you have some land to use as your wish, how you would use this land?

What should I do if some day I had some land to exploit it? It’s a serious question while it’s just an imaginary case. Before making a decision, I prefer to talk to some of my friends that have much tact so that I can trust them in order to gather some correct data.I've a variety of options in my mind, I can take advantage of this vacant land and build an apartment or business center at it, or build something that relieves some hardship of abandoned children and helps them to qualify as important and beneficial people for their community, e.g. by building a charity shop which can provide funds for bachelors to get married or public school, etc. I choose the first option and the reasons for my opinion are as follows.

Although I’m keen to help other people, I sometimes think that it’s better rather have an ordinary life, raise my standard of living. I’m not jealous of rich people and also I’m unaccustomed to this way of living. I never enjoy living at so called “big house” or having luxurious facilities, though if I have some land as an asset that I can guarantee my future, I don’t think it would be a bad idea. I’d like to build an apartment there and rent the units. In this way, In addition to having a constant income, I own something which its cost would raise daily probably and whenever I felt that I can do a better job instead of renting, I can take my property back without any problems. Furthermore, I’m unfavorable to risk my property by investing on other doubtful projects, simply because I’m not gallant enough. Finally, I’d like to share some of the profit among the poor too; nevertheless, I don’t take an oath that I would do.

From what has been discussed above, I may safely draw the conclusion that using this land to build an apartment would be the best option for me and also I’d like to be involved in helping other people

a great n great writing
thaaaaanx
Just one thing, as far as I know, we can not write "have" in its short form when "have" is our main verb. actually in spoken lang it's used a lot n even in writing I've seen it alot,but grammatically it's not correct. so here I think it would be better if u had written "I have..."ll

[snowy_winter]

Hi pals

I had decided to accompany you and I wanted to write my essay today but unfortunately there was a blackout and after that I didn't have time and couldn't do it I'm gonna write it tomorrow if our time is not over by then

I've just read your writings which are really great. I just have some suggestions. Please let me know if any of them is wrongl

In an early morning, in a dull n gloomy day, Tom dropped into an abandoned child who was left in a vacant and shabby building. He was in doubt to take the child but eventually he took him to his house. Tom's wife burst into cry when she saw the abandoned child n was keen to keep the child but since they were living in poverty n they had a life full of hardships n toils, Tom refused to keep the baby and he decided to give the child to an orphanage n they also named the baby Micheal. Since then Tom and his wife visited Micheal frequently till he grew up n became a qualified doctor. Then, Micheal who was aware of his childhood n Tom n his wife’s kindness swore an oath to remain a bachelor and support this poor, kind and old couple.l

A nice story and a great writing
Just a few suggestions.. Wouldn't it be better to use "whether to" instead of "to"?

And how about writing "him" instead of the second "the child" so that we wouldn't be repeating it?

I have the same suggestion for "he". I think omitting it won't make any changes to the sentence and it will still be correct since the subject/agent hasn't changed, but the sentence will be a bit shorter and look better.

Good luckl

You were born to be a fabulous writer!l
-----------
If you have some land to use as your wish, how you would use this land?

What should I do if some day I had some land to exploit it? It’s a serious question while it’s just an imaginary case. Before making a decision, I prefer to talk to some of my friends that have much tact so that I can trust them in order to gather some correct data.I've a variety of options in my mind, I can take advantage of this vacant land and build an apartment or business center at it, or build something that relieves some hardship of abandoned children and helps them to qualify as important and beneficial people for their community, e.g. by building a charity shop which can provide funds for bachelors to get married or public school, etc. I choose the first option and the reasons for my opinion are as follows.

Although I’m keen to help other people, I sometimes think that it’s better rather have an ordinary life, raise my standard of living. I’m not jealous of rich people and also I’m unaccustomed to this way of living. I never enjoy living at so called “big house” or having luxurious facilities, though if I have some land as an asset that I can guarantee my future, I don’t think it would be a bad idea. I’d like to build an apartment there and rent the units. In this way, In addition to having a constant income, I own something which its cost would raise daily probably and whenever I felt that I can do a better job instead of renting, I can take my property back without any problems. Furthermore, I’m unfavorable to risk my property by investing on other doubtful projects, simply because I’m not gallant enough. Finally, I’d like to share some of the profit among the poor too; nevertheless, I don’t take an oath that I would do.

From what has been discussed above, I may safely draw the conclusion that using this land to build an apartment would be the best option for me and also I’d like to be involved in helping other people

Another great idea and writing.. Well done buddy
Just some suggestions:
I think it should be written as "would you" in the title since it is a question.

Another suggestion for the title would be writing "it" instead of the second "this land" to avoid repeating it and also to make the title shorter.

If I were in your shoes I'd use "have" instead of "had". Because by writing "someday" you're talking about something that might happen in future so you're using the first type of conditional sentences (possible future).

I completely agree with what dear sepid has said about "I've".

How about using "rent out" instead of "rent"? I think it's clearer.

If I were you I'd put "probably after "would"": its cost would probably raise daily.

Also following the present tense used for "can" and totally talking about future, "felt" should be replaced with "feel".

And finally, I think the last sentence marked with red is missing an object. It would better be written as "I don't take an oath that I would do it", where "it" refers to the act of sharing some money with the poor which you don't promise to do.

Good luckl

[sepid12ir]

Hi pals

I had decided to accompany you and I wanted to write my essay today but unfortunately there was a blackout and after that I didn't have time and couldn't do it I'm gonna write it tomorrow if our time is not over by then

I've just read your writings which are really great. I just have some suggestions. Please let me know if any of them is wrongl

A nice story and a great writing
Just a few suggestions.. Wouldn't it be better to use "whether to" instead of "to"?

And how about writing "he" instead of the second "the child" so that we wouldn't be repeating it?

I have the same suggestion for "he". I think omitting it won't make any changes to the sentence and it will still be correct since the subject/agent hasn't changed, but the sentence will be a bit shorter and look better.

Good luckl

Another great idea and writing.. Well done buddy
Just some suggestions:
I think it should be written as "would you" in the title since it is a question.

Another suggestion for the title would be writing "it" instead of the second "this land" to avoid repeating it and also to make the title shorter.

If I were in your shoes I'd use "have" instead of "had". Because by writing "someday" you're talking about something that might happen in future so you're using the first type of conditional sentences (possible future).

I completely agree with what dear sepid has said about "I've".

How about using "rent out" instead of "rent"? I think it's clearer.

If I were you I'd put "probably after "would"": its cost would probably raise daily.

Also following the present tense used for "can" and totally talking about future, "felt" should be replaced with "feel".

And finally, I think the last sentence marked with red is missing an object. It would better be written as "I don't take an oath that I would do it", where "it" refers to the act of sharing some money with the poor which you don't promise to do.

Good luckl

hey, I do appreciate yr job here; thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanx a lot, waiting rof yr wrting if you are in mood, we're gonno rock here
thaaanx againl

[SCYTHE]

Thanks dear Sepide and Snowy for your time and Kindness and care
==
I changed the topic to below form:

If you had some land to use as your wish, how would you use this land?

What should I do if some day I had some land to exploit it?l

Is it OK now? I think it's better to repeat "this land", because it's make the sentence clearer
=================

Also following the present tense used for "can" and totally talking about future, "felt" should be replaced by "feel".

Check this:

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

==

And finally, I think the last sentence marked with red is missing an object. It would be better to be written [Of course "better" can be used as a verb, but I think it's not an appropriate place to be used for this purpose] as "I don't take an oath that I would do it", where "it" refers to the act of sharing some money with the poor which you don't promise to do.

Thanks Again

[snowy_winter]

I'm finally joining you here!

Dear sepid, I could hardly find a subject to write about so I thought of continuing your story. I hope you don't mind


Looking back on the past days and his childhood, Michael could easily remember all the hardships he had faced in his life to become a qualified doctor. Being an abandoned child and having grown up in an orphanage, he was unaccustomed to wealth and easy life and he hadn't got used to it yet.

Michael was very keen to help the poor and orphans to have a better life. After gathering some data, he decided to buy a pretty big land, on which there was a vacant building, and turn it into a dormitory as well as building a school for the orphans there.
He was still a bachelor, but he took an oath to adopt one or two kids when he's married and raise them just like his own children. And he never forgot his poor kind parents who had helped him so much and tried his best to make a better life for them.


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I know I'm no good writer! l

[SCYTHE]

I'm finally joining you here!

Dear sepid, I could hardly find a subject to write about so I thought of continuing your story. I hope you don't mind


Looking back at the past days of his childhood, Michael could easily remember all the hardships he had faced in his life before becoming a qualified doctor. Being an abandoned child and having grown up in an orphanage, made him unaccustomed to wealth and easy life and he didn't get used to it yet.

Michael was very keen to help the poor and orphans to have better lives. After gathering some data, he decided to buy a pretty big land, in which there was a vacant building, so as to turn it into a dormitory as well as building a school for the orphans there.
Despite the fact that He was still a bachelor, he took an oath to adopt one or two kids when he would get [I don't know for sure] married and raise them just like his own children. And he never forgot his poor kind parents who had helped him so much and tried his best to make a better life for them.


--------------------

I know I'm no good writer! l

Nice piece of writing! l

[snowy_winter]

hey, I do appreciate yr job here; thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanx a lot, waiting rof yr wrting if you are in mood, we're gonno rock here
thaaanx againl

You're warmly welcome my dear friend I've finally written something but as I said above I've continued your story..I really hope you don't mind it

Thanks dear Sepide and Snowy for your time and Kindness and care
==
I changed the topic to below form:

Is it OK now? I think it's better to repeat "this land", because it's make the sentence clearer
=================

Check this:

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

==


Thanks Again

Thanks a lot for your attention dear SCYTHE

Well I think your essay is about a probability

by writing "someday" you're talking about something that might happen in future so you're using the first type of conditional sentences (possible future).

Besides the word "someday", the tense of the verbs you've used is simple present, and if we write the first sentence with "have", then we're talking about a possibility and the plans we have for it.(If someday I have some land-I don't have a land now but I might have in future- I will build an apartment in it).
But if we write "had" in the first sentence and, following that, change the tenses of the rest of relevant verbs to past tense, then we're talking about something contrary to fact (If I had a land-that I don't have a land now- I would build an apartment in it.)

I don't know if I've been able to explain it.. Friends please correct me if I'm wrong

Thanks for your attention and the link. I've checked it.. I didn't know the preposition for replacing two words is "by"..thaanks a lot
But how about this link? It's confusing

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

Thanks again

[snowy_winter]

Looking back at the past days of his childhood, Michael could easily remember all the hardships he had faced in his life before becoming a qualified doctor. Being an abandoned child and having grown up in an orphanage, made him unaccustomed to wealth and easy life and he didn't get used to it yet. Michael was very keen to help the poor and orphans to have better lives. After gathering some data, he decided to buy a pretty big land, in which there was a vacant building, so as to turn it into a dormitory as well as building a school for the orphans there.
Despite the fact that He was still a bachelor, he took an oath to adopt one or two kids when he would get [I don't know for sure] married and raise them just like his own children. And he never forgot his poor kind parents who had helped him so much and tried his best to make a better life for them.

Thanks a lot for your attention and correction my dear friend
I think "looking back on" is correct.. this is what Cambridge online dictionary has expressed as an example:

It wasn't such a bad experience when I look back on it.

I think "he was accustomed to..." is correct too. And so is "made him...". Just that if we write it in the second way there's no comma needed.

Shouldn't "yet" be used with perfect tenses to have the meaning of "so far"?

Can't this sentence be correct? "he decided to buy a pretty big land and turn it into a dormitory"

And about "would get" I'm not sure either.. How about writing it as "... once he's married"?

Thanks a lot for your time and carel

[sepid12ir]

I'm finally joining you here!

Dear sepid, I could hardly find a subject to write about so I thought of continuing your story. I hope you don't mind

Looking back on the past days and his childhood, Michael could easily remember all the hardships he had faced in his life to become a qualified doctor. Being an abandoned child and having grown up in an orphanage, he was unaccustomed to wealth and easy life and he hadn't got used to it yet.

Michael was very keen to help the poor and orphans to have a better life. After gathering some data, he decided to buy a pretty big land, on which there was a vacant building, and turn it into a dormitory as well as building a school for the orphans there.

He was still a bachelor, but he took an oath to adopt one or two kids when he's married and raise them just like his own children. And he never forgot his poor kind parents who had helped him so much and tried his best to make a better life for them.

--------------------

I know I'm no good writer! l

Thanks a lot for your attention and correction my dear friend

I think "looking back on" is correct.. this is what Cambridge online dictionary has expressed as an example:

I think "he was accustomed to..." is correct too. And so is "made him...". Just that if we write it in the second way there's no comma needed.

Shouldn't "yet" be used with perfect tenses to have the meaning of "so far"?

Can't this sentence be correct? "he decided to buy a pretty big land and turn it into a dormitory"

And about "would get" I'm not sure either.. How about writing it as "... once he's married"?

Thanks a lot for your time and carel

wow. how nice u continued Micheal's life...thaanx dear
I see no problem n I think 'once he's married', is much better
'and turn it into a dormitory as well as building ' it seems to be correct
and you are right, 'yet' should be used with perfect tenses