things women are proud to be for 101
Read and identify own personal irritant
1. I’m driving and she’s irritated at the car in front, she screams and shouts and leans over to press the hooter. One time it was this old bullet driving at 40km/h and it gave him such a fright he got out in the middle of the road ready to let me have it.
2. She forgets to lock her car at night or leaves the sunroof open, so I have to go out in the cold to check it every time she remembers in the middle of the night.
3. My girlfriend never checks her blind spots, hardly ever indicates and is a complete law unto herself when interpreting road signs.
4. She wants to be the navigator but she gets us lost every single time we go away on a long-distance drive.
5. She gets grumpy when I hoot or shout (or pull zap signs in extreme cases) at drivers acting like wankers on the road. It is important (to me) that I be allowed to act like a school prefect on the road.
6. She never offers to drive, ever.
7. After she drives my car I have to do the full lotus to get into the seat that is now two inches from the windscreen and the rear view mirror points to the back seat.
8. She falls asleep on the way back from the Magaliesberg and wakes up just as we’re arriving back at home after a five-hour drive in holiday traffic. She’s now all perky, wants to play and can’t understand why I’m tired and irritable.
At a restaurant I can’t stand it when…
- 9. We’re offered the wine list at a restaurant, she leaves the choice of wine up to me, but as I’m about to order she steals the wine list and makes the decision.
- 10. My wife is a local ‘personality’ and every time we go to
a restaurant for an intimate, romantic evening she spends about an hour table-hopping and air-kissing while I sit there like a lemon.
the best moment in the life
T he B e st Mo m e nt s I n L ife
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.
4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.
6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel.
7. Passing your final exams with good grades.
8. Being part of an interesting conversation.
9. Finding some money in some old pants.
10. Laughing at yourself.
11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.
12. Laughing without a reason.
13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you.
14. Watching the sunset.
15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life.
16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.
17. Feeling this movement in your body when seeing this "special" someone.
18. Having a great time with your friends.
19. Seeing the one you love happy.
20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume.
21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories.
22. Hearing someone telling you "I LOVE YOU"
why cats are better than women?
.
A cat doesn't know what a remote control is.
A cat loves you until it dies.
You don't have to tell your cat you love it - it knows you do.
A cat likes to be petted, anywhere, anytime.
Cats don't expect breakfast in the morning.
Cats don't ly, quibble, argue, pout.
Everything you do is interesting.
Cats need little space, a sunny spot in the window will do.
Cats don't smoke, drink, do drugs.
You don't have to tell a cat it's pretty.
A cat doesn't care if you haven't shaved for two days.
A cat doesn't want to borrow money from you.
Cats love to scrap bills and taxforms.
You don't need to buy your cat expensive presents on it's birthday.
You don't need to buy your cats mother expensive presents on her birthday.
Easy.................difficult
let's pick on men instead of blondes
LET'S PICK ON MEN INSTEAD OF BLONDES...
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook - they eat. We clean - they dirty. We iron - they wrinkle.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your
masterpiece.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.