Hey Guys! are you sure these are jokes?! :n13:
these are too long and I'm really lazy, is it possible to tell me which one is more funny?! :n04:
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Hey Guys! are you sure these are jokes?! :n13:
these are too long and I'm really lazy, is it possible to tell me which one is more funny?! :n04:
نقل قول:
may be the shortest one, you can find the shortest one of this course on page 34 post 334, actually it's for elementry level, dont bother yourself with the next long jocks :n02: ,
D11. Out fishing
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
won’t / wouldn’t for refusals
Jake was a keen fisherman and at the weekends he often took his boat out to the middle of the lake to relax and recover from the hustle and bustle of the working week. One day, Jake was sitting in his boat, enjoying the tranquility of the place. The sun was shining and he was listening to the gentle lapping of the water around his boat. He noticed a woman walking along by the side of a lake.
The woman stopped and called out, ‘Hey! You! Are you thinking out there?’
Jake was a bit annoyed at this disturbance of the peace of the lake, but he answered politely, ‘Yes, I’m thinking. I always come out fishing to get a bit of peace and quiet.’
The woman wouldn’t go away, as Jake hoped, but shook her head yelled again, ‘But you’re thinking!’
Jake was getting sick and tired of the woman by this stage so he shouted back again at her, ‘Yes, I was thinking until you interrupted me! Now, clear off and leave me alone. You’re disturbing the fish.’
He was surprised to see that the woman still wouldn’t walk away, but just stood on the lake side staring out at him. Since she wasn’t making any noise any more, he decided to just ignore her and carry on fishing. Suddenly, Jake noticed that the boat was filling up fast with water, and almost immediately the boat sank, forcing him to swim to the shore. He emerged from the lake, soaking wet from head to toe, freezing cold and completely miserable. The woman was standing next to him looking down at him.
‘I thaid that you were thinking,’ she said, ‘but you wouldn’t lithen.’
Grammar: won’t / wouldn’t for refusals
You can use won’t / wouldn’t to talk about refusals to do something.
I’ve asked my neighbours to talk more quietly but they won’t listen.
I shouted at the dog but it wouldn’t move.
This form can also be used to talk about instruments or machines which do not function properly.
I tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t move.
I keep clicking on my mouse but the window won’t open.
?How do you count a herd of cattle
:n02:.With a cowculator
thank you funnybots ! don't make me laugh anymore... am pissin :sq_11: ! ffs
Let’s take it a bit further :n10: a bit dirty
Knock-knock ! X
Who's there ? ? ? X
Dover
Dover who? X
Ben Dover and I'll give you a big surprise! X
Knock-knock ! X
Who's there ? ? ? X
Buster. X
Buster who? X
Buster Cherry! Is your daughter home? X
In Case you get wondered what a Knock Knock Joke is >>>>> [ برای مشاهده لینک ، با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
When Someone says -
"Nothing can be More Complicated than Love"
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Just throw Engineering Books on their face.....!!:n26: x
A good lecture should be like a Girl’s mini skirt…
Long enough to cover the subject &
short enough to create interest :n08: x
نقل قول:
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was so in love and didn’t notice.” :n05: x
What a woman says:
Cmon…This place is a mess! You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you’ll have no clothes if we don’t do laundry now!
What a man hears:
C’MON….blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW! :n04: x
Ricky was telling his father about his new girlfriend. He said,
“Since I met her I can’t eat, drink, or sleep.”
“Why’s that?” asked his father.
“Because,” he said, “I’m broke.” :n13: x
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
The man said, “No dear.”
The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”
So the man said, “Okay, I would”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
And the man replied, “No, she’s left handed.” :n02: x
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, “I should be boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”
The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
The hands said, “We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the as**shole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the as**shole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the sh*it!
Moral of the story: You don’t need brains to be a boss – any a**sshole will do :n02: .
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve’s wife.
Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.
“So did you tell her?” asks Jeff.
“Yep”, replied Bob.
“Say, where did you get the six-pack?”
Bob informs Jeff. “She gave it to me!”
“What??” exclaims Jeff, “you just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack??”
“Sure,” Bob says.
“Why?” asks Jeff.
“Well,” Bob continues, “when she answered the door, I asked her, ‘are you Steve’s widow?’ ‘Widow?’, she said, ‘no, no, you’re mistaken, I’m not a widow!’ So I said: “I’ll bet you a six-pack you ARE!’”
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.” :n08: x
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses?
A: Because they have big fingers :n02: x
May i say bad jokes :p ?
hahahhaa
نقل قول:First wear something and then ask question! we have some shy girls here dude! :n02: x
Funny sentence written on the T-shirt of a beautiful girl walking on side of the road:
You r not looking at the road right now! Be Careful!!! :n09: x
NEWTON IN ROMANTIC MOOD..
Universal Law Of Love:
Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer From One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money.
1st Law Of Love:
A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless Any External Agent(Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And Break The Legs Of The Boy.
2nd Law Of Love:
The Rate Of Change Of Intensity Of Love Of A Girl Towards A Boy Is Directly Proportional To The Instantaneous Bank Balance Of The Boy And The Direction Of This Love Is Same To As Increment Or Decrement Of The Bank Balance.
3rd Law Of Love:
The Force Applied While Proposing A Girl By A Boy Is Equal And Opposite To The Force Applied By The Girl While Slapping :n09: x
Love is when i walk to other side of classroom
to sharp my pencil, Just to See her..
N then realize that,
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Im holding a pen..!! :n04: :n12: x
What is the best example of ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity?
A Mosquito lands on your wife’s face,
& u get the rarest opportunity of your life..
Never miss it!! :n10: x
Hardest job in the world:
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Police sketch artist in CHINA :n02: x
It is said that if you close your eyes, you see the person you love the most.
but when i do that,
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SlideShow begins :n10: x.
The difference between TRUTH and LIE.
TRUTH: Is a debit card
Pay 1st and enjoy later.
LIE: Is a credit card
Enjoy 1st and pay later. :n05: x
Doctors After Operation and Students After Exam Both tell the Same Answer
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We Tried Our Best and Can’t Say Anything Right Now! :n01: x
Girls not remain without boys.. How??
Fe(male)-male
Wo(man)-man
S(he)-he
So girls don't try to be alone :n05: x
Some IDIOTS say that
Behind every successful man there will be a women.
But nobody knows the fact that
Women choose only successful men. :n13: x
What’s D Difference Between Mother’s & GF’s Tears?
Classic Answer
Mother’s Tears Effect Our HEART & GF’s Tears Effect Our POCKET :n14: x
Boy: Wow..
You look so perfect
with incredible body
and flower like skin.
What do you use?
Girl: Adobe Photoshop! :n02: x
Latest Research:
Boys always remain faithful to their girlfriend..!!
But,
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Which girlfriend??
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That is still a topic of research..!! :n09: x
Girl: Which computer do u have?
Boy: I have a computer with intel core i7
processor at 3.3 ghz, windows 7, 64 bit, 8gb ram
& nvidia gtx 560 graphics card.
Boy: which computer do YOU have???
Girl: A PINK ONE !! :n04: x
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends, You order what you want then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that :n03: x
what's an Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions :n04: x
A.B.C.D.E.F.G
“A Boy Can Do Everthing For a Girl”
Reverse of it:
G.F.E.D.C.B.A
“Girls Forget Everthing Done & Catches New Boy Again” :n04: x
Americans Invented Cellphone.
Japanese Invented SIM Card.
Iranians Invented Missed Call.!
Proud To Be An Iranians! :n09: x
Husband: can u be the moon of my life?
Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
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Husband: Great! then….
Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!! :n09: x
New way of writting answers in exams.
If you don’t know the answer,
then put lines like this :
||||||||||
and write below :
“Scratch here for ANSWERS” :n13: x
A boy got rejected & girl got selected in an interview 4 same reason. Think? They both had the first two buttons of their shirts open in front of the CEO... :n02: x