Funny Answering Machine Messages

[Greight]

This is an answering' machine, this machine is designed to take full advantage of its numerous capabilities. Please say what you wanted to talk about and why did ya call me anyhow? Wait for the tone to sound, and leave yer message after the beep."


(in the voice of John McEnroe the tennis player)
You dummy! You've called while I'm OUT! Five minutes You've missed me by AT LEAST five minutes. Are you stupid or what? Can't you get anything right? You people make me sick! Leave a message and I'll call you back! BEEP.




"This is Sherwood forest, which dear do you want?"


(To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel")
I just left home baby
I'll be out fer a spell
and if you don't leave a message baby
you can go to



One voice: I didn't expect an answering machine.
Another voice: Nobody expects an answering machine. Our chief use is to get your name. And phone number.
Our two chief uses are to get your name and phone number. And message. (damn)
Our three uses are to get your name, phone number, and message. And the time you called.
Oh, damn, we'll have to start over. No--no time for that, so just wait for the beep.




Ring...click....(sound of loud music in background)...Hello? - just a second while I turn the stereo off (sound of person running to click off music, which gets quiet. Sound of person running back to phone) OK, sorry about that, hi there, who's this...well hi!... uh huh...yeah...well listen you're talking to a machine, so please leave a message and I'll call you back.


[In a strong Australian accent]
G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.




Hi this is . I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Please leave a message and then wait by the phone until I call you back.



"Finally get an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does......"


"This is (your phone number). We are not ... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (sound of glass breaking) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later

[Greight]

Hello, this is John. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise - open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) "OK, what would you like me to tell me?"


"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.
If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."




"SAC Missle Control. Good day Mr. President. We are presently holding at T minus 2 minutes into the first strike countdown. To authorize resumption and launch, merely hang up without leaving a message. On the other hand, if you do not wish to destroy the world, or merely wanted to speak to , leave your message after the beep."



Dave is out. Jane is out. Rover is out. This is their answering machine. I am in. The beep is in. At the sound of the beep leave your name. At the sound of the beep leave your message.



How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this...YOW!!



So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.



Thanks for calling Dial-An-Idiot. Right now, all our idiots are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an idiot return your call as soon as possible.



"Yesterday I got home and I saw the phone machine blinking. I was so happy! I thought 'A message for me! Hooray!' "But when I listened to the tape, there was only a dial tone. "And now I'm never going to answer the telephone again."



"Hi, this is Steve. There's nobody here, and even if there was we wouldn't answer the phone. And even if we did, we wouldn't say anything. Maybe you shouldn't have called."


"Hi, this is John ... I can't come to the phone right now, because I'm busy sorting M & M's. So leave your name and number, and when I can get back to you, and as soon as
I get them in alphabetical order, I'll call you up

[Petros]

F.u.cking Laughable. Thanx

Love This One

Hi, this is Steve. There's nobody here, and even if there was we wouldn't answer the phone. And even if we did, we wouldn't say anything. Maybe you shouldn't have called.

[Greight]

Ur welcome my friend
I'll put more here soon
mean tomorrow
!!

[Greight]

Greetings from the school of Computer Generated Music, in a moment we will play one of our shorter selections, after which you may leave a message.



"Hello, I am actually home at the moment, but I really don't feel like listening to whatever your problem is. So, If you leave your name and number at the tone, when I feel like responding to your message, I will."



"Terribly sorry, but you've reached an answering machine."



"You have reached 555-5678, DIAL-A-DEMON. At the sound of the tone you will be possessed."



"Hello? Hello? I can't hear you. I guess that's 'cos I'm not at home right now. But if you'll leave a message, I'll be sure to get back to you..."



Hi, this is Fred. I just stepped outside to get the paper, and the door locked behind me. Luckily, I left the answering machine on. So, while I'm outside, shivering in my underwear, you can leave a message. Then, when the landlord lets me back in, I can get back to you.



"This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway." because I'm sick of people ringing the phone at 1am just so they can hear the clever messages I usually have, and then hanging up without even leaving a "like your message" message.



This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is supercilious



The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.


Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast

[A r c h i]

please continue here ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

I'll move this topic there too
Thanks
P.s. Don't make new topics while we have same ones.
Thanks:11:l