Funny Definitions

[Greight]

Consciousness - the time between naps.


Accountant - someone you hire to explain that you didn't make the money you did.


Wedding - a funeral where you smell your own flowers.


Justice - a decision in your favor.


Paradox - two physicians.


Court of law - the place where a suit is pressed and a man can be taken to the cleaners.


Flattery - an insult in gift wrapping.


Alimony - the cost of loving.


Capitalism - the survival of the fattest.

Oboe: An ill woodwind that no-one blows good

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[Greight]

Impeccable: having immunity to woodpeckers.


Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.


A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.

A born loser: Somebody who calls the telephone number that's scrawled in lipstick on the phone booth wall -- and his wife answers