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[khaiyam]

English article: Marie-Antoinette
if you like to see inter this link


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید



Egyptian Mythology

if you like to see inter this link


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[mohammad.clergyman]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحیم

Here is Where Common Mistakes In English are discussed

I appreciate those who share their Informations with Us

*********************

Accustomed to -not With

Don't say : I'm accustomed with hot weather

say : I'm accustomed to hot weather

***
Afraid of -not from

Don't say :hasan is afraid from the dog

say :hasan is afraid of the dog

***
Angry With - not against

Don't say : The teacher was angry against him

say : The teacher was angry Wth him

Note : we get angry with a person but at a thing : He was angry at the weather-not with

[Shovaliye.Siya]

As you know some words have same meaning or close meaning but it is important to consider that we can’t use them in same situation or same time . here is an example of friend all of these words mean friend but with different usage

ALLY
Ally is a person who help and support you, especially when other people are opposing you ……………..She will regret losing a close political ally
.
BUDDY
Buddy is a close friend ,usually a male friend of a man but this word use mainly in American English ………………We became great buddies

CHUM
Chum is a friend but this word is an old-fashioned informal word

COMPANION
Companion is someone who you spend time with or who you are traveling with ………….Fred had been her constant companion for the last six years of her life

COMRADE
Comrade is a friend or companion but this word use as literary……………Unlike so many of his comrades he survived the war

CRONY
Crony is a friend who you spend a lot of time with but this word is informal word……………Daily he returned ,tired and maudlin from lunchtime drinking sessions with his business cronies

MATE
Mate is a friend who is male but this word use as informal British word ……………..A mate of mine used to play soccer for Liverpoo
l
PAL
Pal Is a friend but this word is an old-fashioned and informal word

[r_azary]

1. the most important thing for a woman is financial security.
1- برای بیشتر خانوم ها مهم ترین مسئله ،امنیت مالی است.



2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive
2- با این که امنیت مالی برایشان بسیار مهم است،ولی باز هم بیرون می رن و لباس های گرون- قیمت می خرن.




3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
3- با این که همیشه لباس های گرون قیمت می خرن،ولی مدام میگن که چیزی ندارن بپوشن.




4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress
4- با این که می گن چیزی ندارن بپوشن، ولی همیشه هم قشنگ و شیک لباس می پوشن.




5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
5- با این که همیشه قشنگ و شیک لباس می پوشن،ولی می گن لباس هام دیگه کهنه و درب و داغونه.




6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still
6- با این که میگن که لباس هاشون کهنه و درب و داغونه،ولی انتظار دارن که شما همیشه از تیپ شون تعریف کنید.




7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you
7- با این که همیشه انتظار دارن ازتیپ شون تعریف کنید،ولی وقتی هم شما این کار رو می کنین ...حرف هاتونو باور نمی کنن.




to be continued ...

[alir3za]

that was awesome
thanx

[r_azary]

1. All men are extremely busy.
1- تمامی آقایون شدیداً گرفتار کار و بیزنس خودشون هستند



2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
2- درحالـی که شدیداً گرفتار کار و بیزنس خودشون هستند،ولی در هر صورت وقت واسه خانوم ها دارند.



3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
3- در ­حالـی که در هر صورت وقت واسه خانوم ها دارند، ولی اون ها رو به حساب نمی آرن.



4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one
4- در حالی که اون هارو به حساب نمی آرن، ولی همیشه یکی تو دست و بالشون هست.




5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
5- در حالی که همیشه یکی تو دست و با لشون هست،ولی بازم شانس‌شون رو روی تور کردن بقیه خانوم ها امتحان می کنن.



6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
6- درحالی که شانس شونو روی بقیه خانوم ها امتحان می کنن،ولی دستپاچه می شن وقتی زنی ترکشون می کنه.



7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others

7- درحالی که دستپاچه می شن وقتی زنی ترکشون می کنه، ولی بازم درس عبرت نمی گیرن وهنوز هم می خوان شانس شون رو روی بقیه خانوم ها امتحان کنند.

[ramshad]

hi every body. some body else wrote for me and i write it for you. read and enjoy.
Secret #1: LEARN ABOUT WORD STRESS

Word Stress is golden key number one for speaking and
understanding English. Word Stress is *very important*.
You can try to learn about Word Stress. This is one of
the *best* ways for you to understand spoken English -
especially English spoken fast.

What is Word Stress?

Take 3 words: photograph, photographer and photographic,
for example. Do they sound the same when spoken? No!
They sound different, because *one* syllable in each
word is "stressed" (stronger than the others).

PHOtograph

phoTOgrapher

photoGRAPHic

This happens in ALL words with 2 or more syllables:
TEACHer, JaPAN, CHINa, aBOVE, converSAtion, INteresting,
imPORtant, deMAND, etCETera, etCETera, etCETera

The syllables that are not stressed are 'weak' or
'small' or 'quiet'. Native speakers of English listen
for the stressed syllables, not the weak syllables. If
you use Word Stress in your speech, you will instantly
and automatically improve your pronunciation and
your comprehension.

If you have an English teacher, ask her(or him) to help you
understand Word Stress. Try to hear the stress in words
each time you listen to English - on the radio, or in
films for example. Your first step is to *hear* and
recognise it. After that, you can *use* it!
Secret #2: SENTENCE STRESS

Sentence Stress is golden key number two for speaking
and understanding English. With Sentence Stress, some
*words* in a sentence are "stressed" (loud) and other
words are weak (quiet). Look at the following sentence:

We want to go.

Do we say every word with the same stress or force? No!
We make the important words *big* and the unimportant
words small. What are the important words in this
sentence? Yes, you're right: WANT and GO.

We WANT to GO.

We WANT to GO to WORK.

We DON'T WANT to GO to WORK.

We DON'T WANT to GO to WORK at NIGHT.

It's impossible to explain everything about Sentence
Stress in this text. The important thing for you is
that you know it exists and try to learn about it.
Sentence Stress is *very important*!
Secret #3: LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN!

Students sometimes say: 'I don't listen to the BBC news
on the radio because it's too fast for me and I can't
understand it.' That's a pity! When it's too fast for
you, when you can't understand it, that is exactly when
you NEED to listen to it!!!

How can you improve if you don't listen and practise?

When you were a baby, did you understand your own
language? When you were 3 weeks old, or 2 months, or 1
year, did you understand everything? Of course not! But
you *learned* to understand by *listening*. Think about
it. You learned to understand your own language by
listening, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. After that,
you learned to speak. Then you learned to read. And then
you learned to write. *But listening came first!*
Secret #4: DON'T LISTEN!

In the last secret I said LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN!
Now I say DON'T LISTEN! What do I mean?!

Do you know the difference between the verbs TO LISTEN
and TO HEAR? TO LISTEN is active. TO HEAR is passive.
Sometimes you can LISTEN too hard. Sometimes you can TRY
too hard. Sometimes it is better only to HEAR. Let the
radio play. Let the cassette play. But DON'T listen.
Just HEAR. Your subconscious will listen for you. And
you will still learn. If you listen and try to
understand, you may block on one word and get
frustrated. Don't worry! Just HEAR! Believe me, you will
still be learning. The important thing is to let the
radio or cassette or television or record PLAY. Let it
play. And you - you do nothing. Your brain will HEAR,
your subconscious will LISTEN and you will LEARN!
Secret #5: IMPROVE YOUR VOCABULARY WITH 5 WORDS A DAY

Vocabulary is easy! How many days in a year are there?
365, normally (on Earth).

If you learn only 5 new words a day, you will learn 5 x
365 = 1,825 new words in a year. ONE THOUSAND, EIGHT
HUNDRED AND TWENTY-FIVE WORDS. That is a lot of new
words. And we are not counting all the other words you
will learn in other ways - reading, conversation etc.
Buy a notebook and write in 5 new words EACH day, EVERY
day. Learn them! You will soon have an excellent
vocabulary.
Secret #7: REVISE! REVISE! REVISE!

If you revise, you'll improve your learning by 100%.

What does "to revise" mean? It means "to read again".
You should be systematic about this. When you learn
something, you should note it. Then you should *look at
it again*, 3 times:
- after 1 day
- after 1 week
- after 1 month

Each time you revise, test yourself.

Learn, revise, test.
Revise, test.
Revise, test.

NOTE:
revise (BrE): read again to improve one's knowledge
revise (BrE & AmE): read and correct; update

[deer]

سلام دوستان ایا مطلبی جالب در باره ی
Graphology or handwriting analysis
دارین اگر لطف کنین هر چه سریع تر جواب بدین ممنون می شم جالب باشه بشه سر کلاس مطرحش کرد
از ت خیلی منون می شم اگر مطلب بزارین البته هر چه شما بزارین ارزش خواس خودشو داره که با دنیا نمی شه عوضش کرد
موفق باشین

[deer]

History of Graphology
HISTORY
"It has long been accepted by all societies that the signature of a man can be used to identify his transactions: this signature is now accepted by law, on bonds, deeds and other official documents. If you make an affidavit for a Court of Law, you confirm it with your signature. By writing your signature on a cheque you dispose of your own money. To forge another person's signature is a crime heavily punished by the criminal law of every country."
Dr Eric Singer.

We all recognize writing on envelopes from close friends and relatives and have noted that our own handwriting suffers when we are under emotional or physical stress. Therefore it is not surprising that efforts should be made to compare handwriting with emotions, with character and with strengths and weaknesses.

In 1875, the French Abbot, Jean Hyppolyte Michon, coined the phrase "Graphology", from the Greek: "Graph" meaning, 'To write' or 'I write', and "Logos" meaning 'doctrine' or 'theory'. Although the term 'graphology' is relatively recent, however, the subject itself dates back many centuries, having originally (as far as we can tell) been taken from Southern India to China and from there to Greece, circa 2,000 BC. Coming closer to present day, relatively speaking, Aristotle wrote: "Just as all men do not have the same speech sounds, neither do they all have the same writing", and Confuscius is recorded as having observed, "Handwriting can infallibly show whether it comes from a person who is noble-minded or from one who is vulgar". But it is not until 1622 that the study of handwriting was put into print, by the Italian Camillo Baldi, "How to recognize from a letter the nature and quality of a writer". This was little more than a collection of random observations though, and remained virtually unnoticed.

At the beginning of the 19th century, the German, Lavater, and the Frenchmen, Edouard Hocquart and Abb順landrin, developed the art of interpreting handwriting. But it was not until the second half of the century, when Michon published the results of his many years research into individual handwriting movements, that the subject began to arouse public interest. His method gained popularity owing to its simplicity; he studied certain elements in handwriting, namely the 'stroke', the 'letters', the 'words', the 'baseline', 'paragraphs', 'free movements' ('i' dots and 't' bars), 'flourishes', 'punctuation' and 'paraphs'. However, his method of allocating one specific movement to represent one aspect of character, and in particular his assertion that the lack of a movement indicated the opposite characteristic, is now recognized as only being partly accurate. Michon's successors, particularly his student, Jule Crepieux-Jamin disagreed with this principle, and also with the practice of attributing rigid interpretations to single signs.

Crepieux-Jamin, who spent his life collating and improving upon Michon's observations, is today credited with founding the "Societ順rancais de Graphologie". He defined the various elements of handwriting which today form the basis of the French school of graphology, and divided these elements into seven categories: Dimension, Form, Pressure, Speed, Direction, Layout and Continuity.

To every element in the handwriting, Crepieux-Jamin attributed a range of possible meanings; he insisted that the value of any given sign is not fixed and that its significance and interpretation can vary depending upon the other features in the writing. This theory is now supported by all professional graphologists. In other words, no single feature in handwriting can be taken reliably to represent anything about the writer, unless it is supported by other factors in the writing.

At approximately the same time in Germany, William T Preyer recognized the fact that 'handwriting' is in fact 'brainwriting'. He correctly postulated that should the writer lose his writing arm, as did Nelson for example, and have to use the opposite hand, or even the mouth or foot as in the case of paralysis, the same basic tendencies will appear in the script, although obviously not executed with such fluency at first.

In 1897, the 2nd "Graphological Periodical" was founded in Germany by Hans Busse (who also formed the Association for Graphological Research). The chief contributors were Dr Georg Meyer and Busse's assistant editor, Dr Ludvig Klages. Meyer's work was important, but even his greatest contributions were overshadowed by the eminence of Klages. Later, Klages moved to Switzerland where he was to continue his research work and create the first complete and systematic theory of graphology.

Also in Switzerland, Dr Max Pulver, a renowned psychologist who had a deep interest in graphology, was to make a further contribution, in terms of the symbolism in handwriting, both in direction and in symbolism of space. His division of the handwriting into the three vertical 'zones' explains aspects of the handwriting previously misunderstood, with his formulation of the 'Three Dimensions' - vertical movement, horizontal movement, and depth - providing an integral understanding of graphology as we know it today.

These latter graphologists, Preyer, Klages and Pulver, made greater attempts than their predecessors to appreciate the inner psychological causes of graphic expression. They were able to draw upon a more highly developed understanding of a psychological characterology which for the first time attempted to penetrate the psyche of the writer.

Many books began to appear as the subject gained public interest, some of whose authors also furthered the science of graphology, including:
Robert Saudek, A Czech Graphologist who came to live in England, is acknowledged as having established "speed" in handwriting. Today, no serious graphologist would consider assessing handwriting without first ascertaining the speed.
Hans Jacoby, a contemporary of Saudek's, also produced books aimed at the general public, based upon what he termed "the science of the expression of movements", revealing that gestures seen in the writer's body language, i.e. manner of walking, expressive movements of hands and arms, etc., were also reflected in the handwriting.
Alfred O Mendel, whose book "Personality in Handwriting" included a lengthy dissertation on pressure in handwriting, in which he introduced a new approach to the interpretation given to direction of pressure, depending upon the writer's personal proclivities, and demonstrated that this single subject could be broken down into many different areas, each of which indicated highly revealing aspects of the writer.
Klara Roman, a Hungarian graphologist who emigrated to the USA, included the results of considerable research into pressure in her excellent book, "Handwriting, A Key To Personality" (recently reprinted by the Institute).
And in Germany, Professor Rudolph Pophal (whose books are currently being translated into English) who held the Chair in Psychology and Graphology at the University of Hamburg, brought graphology into the area of research and made many discoveries related to brain and muscle structuring, which confirmed the earlier assertion of Preyer's, that handwriting is indeed 'brainwriting'.
(All books available from the Administration Manager)
GRAPHOLOGY COMES TO BRITAIN
Although fairly well established on the European continent, notably Germany and France, graphology was largely unknown in this country until the second world war. At that time, many graphologists, amongst them Dr Eric Singer (a student of Klages) came to Britain, hoping to continue their profession here, only to find the subject virtually unknown. In order to bring it to the attention of the public, several graphologists began producing "popular" books for 'the man in the street', including Singer's "Graphology For Everyman" (now available in the trilogy of Singer's books, "A Manual of Graphology"). This was a breakthrough in the subject with public reaction indicating the demand for more information on the subject.

In 1982 the 'Graphology Society' was formed by journalist and author of several graphological books, Patricia Marne and her colleague John Beck. The Graphology society offered the first meeting place with regular lectures, for anyone interested in the subject.

The following year, Francis T Hilliger (a student of Dr Singer's) founded The British Institute of Graphologists which was constitutionally formed with elected committee, regular meetings and a quarterly journal, "The Graphologist".

Frank Hilliger devised a system of graphology which further simplified the process of analysing handwriting, reducing the number of categories within signs, based upon a method for establishing the speed and form level of the writing. His system was much less complicated and therefore easier to learn, proving so successful that upon setting up the Institute the "Hilliger" system was adopted as examination syllabus.

[deer]

How Graphology Fools People
Barry L. Beyerstein, Ph.D.
To the casual observer, handwriting analysis enjoys greater plausibility than other occult or pseudoscientific ways of reading personality. Take astrology or palmistry, for instance. It is hard for a thinking person today to imagine how the stars or creases on the palm could affect human behavior. But it seems at least possible that, inasmuch as writing is a form of expressive behavior, it might reveal something about ourselves. After all, our mannerisms and choice of clothing, jewelry, and hair styles seem to do so -- at least to some degree. Moreover, because writing and personality are both controlled by the brain, the suggestion that they could be related doesn't seem inherently absurd. And since both personality and handwriting are undeniably idiosyncratic, many consider it reasonable that one might reflect the other. Nonetheless, despite their surface plausibility each of these arguments is seriously flawed.

Graphologists have largely convinced an uninformed public that their craft is a scientifically respectable way of assessing personality, aptitudes, and predilections. This is reinforced by the unfortunate fact that many large corporations do consult graphologists. Similarly, many people assume that graphology must be legitimate because it has occasionally been accepted in court. And many skeptics have accepted free offers to have their writing analyzed and found, to their surprise, that the portrayal seemed remarkably accurate.

This article deals with each of these areas. Following a brief historical introduction, I shall present the logical and scientific objections to graphology. I shall then attempt to explain why a practice that consistently fails scientific tests can seem so convincing to intelligent people who run across it in everyday settings.

What is Graphology?
Graphology is the allegedly scientific practice of determining people's psychological, social, occupational, and medical attributes from the configuration of their letters, lines, and paragraphs on a page. Graphologists strenuously deny (though there is evidence to the contrary) that they attend to the contents of the scripts they scrutinize. They claim to reveal character traits and state of health solely from the form and distribution of the writing itself. If graphologists claimed nothing more than that cultured people might write with a cultivated hand, or that stingy people fill every corner of the page to avoid wasting paper, there would be little dispute. But the assertion is not merely that tidy people write neatly (which isn't always the case anyway)—they claim handwriting reveals the larceny in your heart.

The term "Graphoanalysis" is the registered trademark of a particular school of handwriting analysis, the International Graphoanalysis Society, of Chicago, Illinois. In this chapter "graphology" and "handwriting analysis" will be used interchangeably but "Graphoanalysis" or "Graphoanalyst" will refer only to followers of the Chicago school. Founded in 1929, it is the best-established of the training organizations. It offers mail-order courses, publishes its own journal, and confers official-sounding certification on its graduates. Graphoanalysts are also the most vocal in claiming scientific status while denying that of their rivals [1].

Such backbiting among graphological factions is frequent. There are over thirty graphological societies in the U.S. alone, with many using methods that a proponent says are "not easily combined with other systems." [2] This lack of standardization is compounded by the fact that many local practitioners make up their own intuitive schemes. While there are some concepts common to most systems of handwriting analysis, there are equally notable disputes as to what the various "signs" mean. Take, for instance, two books by internationally known graphologists that I reviewed: one considers a certain way of crossing t's indicative of a vicious, sadistic temperament, the other says it's a sign of a practical joker. Which do you hope is advising your boss?

The History of Graphology
Graphology is a branch of the large, diverse group of practices collectively known as "character reading." Since ancient times, people have been fascinated by human variability and the uniqueness of the individual. It is on this basis that we apportion life's richest prizes and most dreadful punishments. Obviously, those whose fates hang in the balance have a strong incentive to present a favorable face to the world, and for that reason, hucksters promising to cut through what is euphemistically called "impression management" have always found an eager clientele. Think of the advantages if potential employers, landlords, spouses, business associates, or courts of law could quickly and accurately reveal "what someone is really like." At various times, it has been assumed that such a window on anyone's inner make-up could be gained by interpreting the positions of the stars (astrology), the features of the face (physiognomy), the lines on the hand (palmistry), bumps on the head (phrenology), and the shape and distribution of handwriting (graphology). Although modern graphologists have tried to disavow all links to their occult cousins, handwriting analysis, in its origins, its underlying rationale, and its New Age affiliations, retains obvious ties to these magical character reading methods [1,3,4] Readers seeking a more detailed history of graphology should consult the chapter by Nickell [4] on which the following brief summary is based.

There are ancient Chinese, Greek, and Roman, as well as early Jewish and Christian ancestors of graphology, but its modern incarnation can be traced to the speculations of the seventeenth-century Italian physician, Camillo Baldi. The most recognizable forebears of current devotees, however, are to be found among an influential group of Catholic clergy in nineteenth-century France. A disciple of that circle, Abb Jean-Hippolyte Michon, coined the term "graphology" and, in Paris in 1871, founded The Society of Graphology. Michon's several books remain influential today. He is the progenitor of the so-called "analytic" approach which ascribes specific traits to people based on isolated "signs" in writing, such as placement of dots on i's and crossbars on t's. Michon's student, Crepieux-Jamin, broke with his master to become the founder of what is known today as the "holistic" or "gestalt" approach. Rather than attending to individual elements of letters, etc., Crepieux-Jamin advocated a more intuitive, impressionistic perusal whereby the analyst absorbs an overall "feel" for the writer by a vague sort of "resonance" with the script as a whole. Partisans of the analytic and the holistic approaches have perpetuated this split to the present day.

French graphologists continued to dominate the field until the early twentieth century when they started to be eclipsed by German-speaking authors. At that time, figures such as Preyer, Meyer, Klages, Pulver, and Teltscher began to suggest that writing was a sub-species of expressive movement and that mental processes and emotionality could be read by analyzing this kind of psychomotor behavior. Realizing that the brain is responsible for both psychological traits and the control of writing, they attempted to justify their personality readings with the assertion that "handwriting is brainwriting." This still remains graphology's most prevalent defensive cliché (see below).

In the 1930s, the Czech-English graphologist Saudek, attempted to introduce more rigorous, mechanized ways of measuring writing movements. Increasing the precision of measures that are of doubtful value in the first place must rank as a dubious contribution, however. Early in this century, graphological speculation began to emerge in North America. Following Downey in 1919 and the arrival of the European emigre Klara Roman, Americans such as M.N. Bunker [5] gradually came to the fore. In 1929, Bunker founded the International Graphoanalysis Society. Handwriting analysis by all estimates continues to grow in popularity throughout North America and Europe but it seems to enjoy the greatest appeal among employers in France and Israel. In modern China, reading personality from calligraphy seems not to have permeated official circles but it remains a popular folk superstition [3].

The Underlying Rationale
Present-day graphologists maintain that their venerable ancestors have taken graphology well beyond its occult beginnings when itinerant conjurers wandered the countryside practicing the art. Be that as it may, perusal of the latest graphology texts reveals that the seminal concepts remain precisely what they were in the beginning. Claims of scientific improvements notwithstanding, my review of dozens of books touted by well-known graphologists shows that, like all other systems of augury or divination, the underpinnings of graphology remain the ancient principles of sympathetic magic [1]. I should note in passing that it is not encouraging when aspirants to scientific status respond to critics' requests for the technical treatises of their trade with the same works hawked by popular magazines and New Age booksellers. Asked for supporting evidence, one prominent graphologist referred me to a laudatory article in Playboy. A few pro-graphology articles have made it into refereed journals [6,7], but on balance, they fall far short of establishing the case, theoretically [1] or empirically [8].

The essence of all magical thinking is sympathetic correspondence, i.e., "like begets like." This is also known in mystical lore as "The Law of Similarity." If two things can be associated mentally, they allegedly enjoy a certain "sympathy" or "resonance." Either can then be used to reveal or influence the other via their magical interconnectedness. For example, sympathy can be established through a conceptual link such as ownership. This supposedly allows a psychic to describe someone who owned an object by absorbing the "vibrations" he or she imparted to it. Similar beliefs in mind over matter are apparent among tribes who hope to assure a successful hunt by symbolically "slaying" wooden models of their prey and voodoo priests who think they can injure adversaries by mutilating their effigies.

Astrology provides a classic example of how sympathetic magic is used to ascribe attributes to strangers. As we shall see, the parallels with graphology are striking. Astrology arose in the dim past when observers of the night sky were reminded of crabs, bulls, twins, etc., by various clusters of stars. There was nothing inevitable about those particular associations and different cultures mentally superimposed different objects on the same constellations. Nonetheless, for historical reasons, the currently accepted ones have survived [9]. In essence, astrology boils down to the following: (a) The stellar configuration reminds me of a bull (i.e., "Taurus"); (b) Bulls are plodding, stubborn, and obdurate; and (c) Therefore, those born with this constellation in the appropriate position are condemned, by sympathetic infusion of these bull-like qualities, to grow up to be dull, loutish drudges as well.

Elsewhere [1] I have presented numerous examples to show that very latest graphological celebrities still rely on these same principles of sympathetic magic to derive a writer's attributes from his or her script. Graphologists have done their best to disguise this fact by embedding their speculations in modern-sounding psychobabble, but one need only compare their "signs" with the traits they supposedly denote to see that the basis of the ascriptions is entirely allegorical. Since my critique appeared, I have debated many graphologists; none has been able to refute this claim. Space permits me to provide only a few examples of graphological augury here (for complete citations and verbatim excerpts, see my critique [1]. The following are selected from texts highly recommended by practicing graphologists.

The founders of every school of graphology began with the implicit assumption that whatever metaphors the features of an individual's script bring to mind are necessarily descriptive of the writer as well. This kind of free association and symbolic interpretation underlies all divining practices [10]. This remains as true of graphology today as it was when ancient oracles foretold the fates of kings by assuming that mental associations triggered by the shapes of animal entrails would be re-enacted in the affairs of the realm. In another old auguring practice, molybdomancy, the oracle would drop molten lead on a flat surface and interpret the shape it assumed as it solidified—the blob, it seems, magically adopts the shape of things to come. After perusing the following examples, you can decide for yourself whether graphology has really abandoned its roots in divination.

Note the allegorical thinking in these representative samples culled from graphology textbooks and articles. Wide spacing between words supposedly denotes someone who does not mix easily and is therefore prone to be isolated and lonely. Conversely, writers who crowd their words together are so desperate for companionship that they are indiscriminate in choosing their friends. Writers whose lines drift upward are "uplifting" optimists while those whose lines sag downward are pessimists who constantly feel they are being dragged down. People who draw the upper, middle, and lower sections of their letters equally large have "a good sense of proportion." Those with variable letter slants are unpredictable, or, as one graphologist put it, they are people with "changing inclinations." Writers of unusually large capital I's have large egos and those who write big, "think big." A past president of a major US graphological association asserts that if a married woman pens her signature with larger capitals on her given name than on her husband's surname, she betrays an unhappy marriage. One of Canada's most prominent handwriting gurus describes a writer with crosses on his t's that reminded her of whips, thus revealing his sadistic nature. On the health front, my informants claimed that low writing pressure signals low blood pressure and ragged upper loops are diagnostic of heart disease. And a break between upper and lower portions of letters is a sure sign of back problems. My favorite ascription, though, is the widely held belief in the graphological community that large, bulbous loops on g's, y's, etc.—i.e., ones that dangle lasciviously below the lines—reveal a strong --- drive. Divination by sympathetic magic, or what? At least one can barbecue the ox after examining its entrails.

The Consequences
All the foregoing would be touchingly naive, even comical, were it not for the fact that these self- styled experts offer advice where it can seriously affect people's reputations, well-being, and economic status. For instance, in Vancouver, British Columbia, a prominent graphologist offered to identify, secretly, for preemptive action by the school board, the actual and potential sexual molesters in the local teaching ranks [1]. Others have advised financial institutions on the credit-worthiness of borrowers and many civic governments and large corporations admit to consulting handwriting analysts for pre-employment screening. Graphologists also say they are competent to help select marriage partners and there have been press reports that at least one member of Canada's National Parole Board was privately consulting her graphologist sister to help select those prisoners who were safe to release. Similarly, a judge in Denver, Colorado, was reported to have sentenced a convict to undergo graphotherapy (see below and [11]).

Graphologists with whom I have dealt have had no compunctions about predicting which employees would steal from the corporation, betray proprietary secrets, or become closet alcoholics or drug abusers. I was told by one graphologist that he has a "100% foolproof way" of determining who will become violent on the job. Handwriting analysts have offered to expose philandering spouses from writing samples, and where the police will take them seriously, they are eager to finger supposed criminals. One graphology company offers courses for therapists on how to tell if writers have repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse. Most shocking of all, many graphologists advertise, as a unique benefit of their services, that inquisitive third parties can submit a sample of writing for analysis and act upon the results, without the writer ever knowing the evaluation took place.

Many graphologists are not been shy about broadcasting their potentially damaging assessments. For instance, when I have asked for evidence that graphology works, I have frequently been shown analyses with names still attached. When my brother and I assisted the British Columbia Civil Liberties Association in trying to dissuade a nearby municipality from continuing to use a graphologist's services, the graphologist, in defending himself before city council, displayed a shocking disregard for the standards of confidentiality we have the right to expect when personnel matters are discussed in public.

Because the attributions are based on symbolism and free association, different schools disagree about which signs are tokens of which traits (just as literary critics endlessly debate the "real meaning" of symbolism in poetry). Thus, you as a prospective employee or borrower could have your reputation blackened if you were unfortunate enough to be secretly assessed by a graphologist of one persuasion but if, by the luck of the draw, your "true nature" was divined by a disciple of another school, you might have sailed through with ease.

Obviously, when the life prospects of unsuspecting people are involved, the use of what would otherwise be a harmless party amusement, ceases to be a laughing matter. To our dismay, when we asked two lawyers (Robert Carswell [12] from Canada and John Reagh [13] from the U.S.) to suggest what constitutional and statutory provisions might apply, they agreed that, in both countries, citizens enjoy very few protections if a private employer decides to consult a graphologist. (The picture is slightly better in some jurisdictions if government hiring is involved.) We can take action against those who discriminate against Blacks, Jews, or women, but it is apparently acceptable if corporations refuse a position or a loan to someone whose only sin is crossing t's in an odd way.

What do Graphologists Claim?
The vast majority of handwriting analysts are self-taught from popular books or trained by self- accredited correspondence schools or unaccredited night school classes. "Watch one, do one, teach one" could be the motto of the field. Although I could not find a single reputable textbook in psychological testing that treated graphology with anything but disdain, graphologists still claim to be a misunderstood and unfairly maligned branch of psychology. Few graphologists, in my experience, have had anything close to an adequate background in psychological measurement or modern personnel methods. Though they claim persecution from a hostile establishment bent on preserving its turf, graphologists seem oblivious to the fact that if their techniques really worked, and the orthodox professionals were as venal as they claim, the licensed practitioners would long ago have stolen these powerful tools and muscled out the self-credentialed amateurs. Sensitive to their resemblance to fortune tellers, graphologists claim they do not foretell the future. But what conceivable value would there be in describing a stranger if it were not assumed that the description would predict how he or she would act in the future?

There are few areas of human nature and mental or physical health that graphologists do not feel competent to assess. That a single technique could apply in so many different areas flies in the face of almost everything in modern research on psychological measurement. Such grandiosity and ignorance of relevant research is almost grounds in itself for dismissing graphology.

Graphologists claim to discern temperament (e.g., self-confidence, optimism, profligacy, complacency, or an explosive temper). They also believe writing reveals mental qualities such as intelligence, reasoning ability, and intuitiveness, and social traits such as introversion, friendliness, and dominance. In the workplace, they claim to rate leadership, reliability, diligence, attention to detail, propensity to be a team-player, and far, far more. On the moral and ethical side, graphologists pass judgement on people's honesty, trustworthiness, generosity, piety, cruelty, jealousy, criminal tendencies, etc.

How to determine marital suitability occupies a large portion of almost every graphology text. Sexuality is also supposed to have a multitude of written signs. Although graphologists typically demand to know the gender of the writer in advance, they are happy to pronounce on his or her secret sexual orientation and/or deviance, as well as promiscuity and capacity for intimacy. Could it be that they want to know gender in advance because it is too simple to check the accuracy of such a guess? (Ironically, untrained novices can discern the gender of writers in an anonymous sample with approximately 70% accuracy.) Probably for similar reasons, handwriting analysts will not guess the writer's age, but are happy to rate slippery attributes like "maturity" that offer plenty of room to fudge if challenged.

The alleged ability to derive medical diagnoses from writing has been alluded to already. As I have explained elsewhere, certain medical problems do affect writing, but in not in the way the graphologists assume [14]. In the psychological sphere, graphologists claim everything from neuroticism and general stability to psychoses, phobias, depression, psychopathy, and a host of other clinical symptoms are all there for the asking.

Many of the aforementioned categories are combined when graphologists approach the criminal justice system. They claim to expose actual or potential criminal behavior as well as deceitfulness, lack of self-control, violence proneness, and sociopathic tendencies. Graphologists say they can help the police apprehend suspects and aid the courts in selecting juries and determining both guilt and appropriate punishment. They also say they can determine likelihood of recidivism and suitability for parole. McNichol's highly touted 1991 textbook, for example, provides exercises on how to spot a murderer, a babysitter who might use drugs, and a shop owner who cheats his customers [15]. Marne's --- and Crime in Handwriting offers numerous ways of exposing different kinds of criminals [16]. Unfortunately, the betraying signs are all recognized after-the-fact in the writing of previously convicted felons. Marne, as usual, offers no evidence that she could reliably identify the guilty parties in an anonymous pile composed of scripts of convicts and upright citizens (and providing, of course, the contents of the scripts contained no useful clues, which they typically do).

It is bad enough that one might lose a coveted position on the basis of bogus advice, but to have one's standing in the community, and possibly even freedom, jeopardized in this way is frightening indeed. How would you feel being branded a thief because you have "desire-for-possession hooks" on your S's? Bunker [5], the founder of Graphoanalysis, the self-proclaimed most scientific school of graphology, seriously contends that these "acquisitive hooks" reveal a disposition to snag others' belongings.

The most transparently absurd claim in the whole field, one so bizarre that not even all graphologists endorse it, is that of "graphotherapeutics." According to believers, not only does handwriting unerringly reveal personal attributes, but if you should dislike any of the traits it discloses, you can expunge them by removing their diagnostic signs from your script [17]. The oh-so-scientific Bunker [5] devotes a whole chapter to showing how "changing handwriting will change personality." This merely underscores the contention that sympathetic magic is the real rationale behind graphology, for the essence of magical thinking is that causes resemble their effects and are therefore interchangeable. Case in point: graphotherapists insist that personality causes writing causes personality. What better evidence of this could we seek than Bunker's [5] assertion: "He [Bunker's client] had made a few changes in his writing—not major changes, and he had achieved results." In this case, the writer, with minor retrenchments in his penmanship, was miraculously redeemed from his previous persona, that of a suicidal spendthrift. Here we see another common attribute of crackpot science, namely that effects are posited which are dramatically disproportionate to the magnitude of their alleged causes. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

In philosophy, any doctrine can be dispatched merely by showing it to be internally inconsistent. Graphology is so vague and self-contradictory that devotees have ample room to explain away blatant errors. On the one hand (no pun intended), they say writing is such a sensitive psychological barometer that it varies, moment-to-moment, in response to subtle mood changes. But in the next breath, they will tell you writing is so impervious to change that you cannot hide your true nature by intentionally falsifying your script—the real you will still shine through. Even though normal and disguised script from the same person look different, they still denote the same traits for the graphologist; but if those same disparities were found in the scripts of two different people the graphologist would say they were indicative of different traits. Graphologists also reply to those who say their writing varies in response to haste, writing posture, desire to make an impression, etc., that, though the writing is obviously different on those occasions, it still denotes the same personal attributes. If you try to deceive the graphologist by disguising your handwriting, your rigid personality stubbornly keeps the graphological signs intact, but if you change your writing at the behest of a graphotherapist, your malleable personality will realign itself to reflect the new, improved script. One manual for aspiring graphologists I reviewed cautioned neophytes not to become discouraged, because not everyone with a given sign has the suggested trait and not everyone with the trait has the sign. How could the system ever fail? This ability to be all things to all people makes graphology essentially unfalsifiable. On that ground alone, it can be excluded from the house of science.

Critiques of the "Official" Rationales for Graphology
Before presenting graphology's dismal record in empirical tests, let me first dispose of several oft-heard rationalizations for why handwriting analysis ought to work.

Handwriting is brainwriting. Yes it is, but walking is also controlled by the brain, so should we henceforth refer to it as "brainstepping," as Karnes and Leonard [11] wryly suggest? Why would we think that just because something is controlled by the brain, it necessarily correlates with any other traits, aptitudes or propensities? That is a claim to be supported with evidence, not glibly assumed. Vomiting has an associated center in the brain too. Does that justify using individual regurgitation styles to assess someone's intimate make-up?

In an earlier chapter [14], I maintained that research into the neural substrates of writing and personality actually supplies some of the best arguments against graphology. For instance, brain damage can alter either writing or personality, independently. There is no evidence that if a head injury affects personality, writing will necessarily change too—as it should if graphology were valid. Furthermore, there is no reason to suspect that the brain mechanisms responsible for writing and those for temperament and aptitudes could be linked in the lockstep fashion necessary if graphology were to be taken seriously. Research on the physiological correlates of personality shows that individual traits are not localized in circumscribed brain areas that could conceivably be mapped, one-to-one, onto the minute muscle programs that create particular writing features. In the same chapter, I also noted that the graphologists' naive notions of how the brain determines personality (not to mention their outmoded conceptions of personality itself [18] are virtually identical to those of the discredited system of phrenology. Graphology would require a brain organization akin to that posited by the phrenologists to make it remotely plausible. For this necessary but unlikely brain organization to exist, it would either need to have evolved (and thus be inherited), or be acquired early in life. Either way, the implications for graphology are daunting.

If natural selection shaped brain structure such that it could allow connection of every minute character trait with a unique writing movement, graphologists should be able to suggest what possible survival advantages this profligate use of biological resources might have conferred. So far, no graphologist I am aware of has even realized that this is a serious impediment to scientific acceptance of graphology. Moreover, since the ability to write is, at most, 6,000 years old and the brain evolved to essentially its modern form eons before that, the putative circuits that would eventually link personality and writing must have evolved for some other purpose. What was this stupendous number of presumably dormant neural pathways selected for and what were the selective pressures that pushed the brain in that odd direction so long before humans got around to inventing writing?

If, instead, one views expression of personality in writing as an acquired skill, the difficulties for graphology are equally grave. Since writing is obviously a learned behavior, how does the brain unerringly modify every learned writing movement to make it congruent with each of the numerous traits a child will grow up to express? What kind of mechanism could conceivably ensure that everyone who is destined to be devious will acquire the same neural program, say, to make l-loops in the same way? Do parents ever say, "Susie, you are obviously gifted with leadership talents, be sure to form your capitals in this way, instead of the way your teacher showed you"? Writing also varies across language groups. What differences in early experience in the various linguistic communities ensure that the infant's brain will develop into the appropriate variant so that it will attach emerging personality traits to quite different writing movements if the child happens to learn the Chinese as opposed to the Russian, Arabic, Hebrew, or Roman alphabets? Writing in all of these scripts admittedly becomes personalized, but that individuality arises from biomechanical factors quite different from, and far more interesting than, the graphologists' parochial conjectures [14].

In sum, the graphologists' "brainwriting" argument is true but irrelevant to their claims. This rationale would only be necessary if there were a need to explain a proven relationship between writing and other personal attributes. Unfortunately for graphology, much empirical research, reviewed below, says such correlations are illusory in the first place.

Writing is individualized and personality is unique, so each must reflect the other. Aside from the obvious logical flaw in this argument, why should we accept, without good evidence, that any two admittedly idiosyncratic aspects of a person will necessarily bear any particular relationship to one another? True, forgeries have been exposed and writers of extortion notes convicted on the basis of distinctive penmanship, but does that imply that each of these identifiable writing features is reliably tied to another unique attribute of the author (in that person alone, not to mention everyone else who writes similarly)? Faces are sufficiently different to serve as personal identification on a driver's license, but the state still requires that you take the road test before certifying your driving skills. At one time, though, it was believed that facial features could reveal other personal characteristics. The pseudoscience of physiognomy held there were uniquely honest faces and criminal faces, generous faces and miserly faces. None but the woolliest New Ager could swallow this today. To show that mere uniqueness is no proof that every noticeable earmark is necessarily emblematic of something else, a colleague of mine relates the following story [11]. As a quirky hobby, he trained himself to identify individuals from the distinctive sound of their footsteps in the hallway leading to his office. Many a visitor was un-nerved by being welcomed by name, long before he or she came into view. Here is a subtle, but reliably detectable, personal feature. It may be good for winning bets and amazing one's friends, but would any reasonable person seriously think that this toe-tapping signature would be a good basis for hiring an employee, rejecting a mate, or accusing someone of pilfering from the stockroom?

Writing is a form of expressive movement, so it should reflect our personalities. Elsewhere, I have reviewed the literature on expressive movements and facial expressions and shown why attempts to shore up graphology by appealing to these data fall short [14]. While it is true that there are legitimate studies linking a few global aspects of temperament to certain gestural styles, these data offer no comfort to the graphologists who attempt to ride on their coattails. The kinds of personal styles found to be loosely related to expressive body movements are much more general than the narrow traits the graphologists claim to infer from writing. A tendency to be forceful, irascible, or domineering might be readable from body language but, even there, the correlations are too weak to be useful in making the kind of detailed ascriptions graphologists attempt. And no reputable scientist has ever suggested that something as abstruse as piety or good business sense is any more likely to be encoded in gestures than, say, vegetarianism. Nonetheless, graphologists proudly note that handwriting analysis is mentioned in Allport and Vernon's 1933 classic, Studies in Expressive Movement. They are less quick to tell us, however, that in the estimate of those respected psychologists, "...the [graphological] terms employed often seem to obscure rather than reveal the personality." [19].

Similarly, facial expressions may sometimes betray a lie as it is being uttered, but no competent expert thinks everybody who tends to be duplicitous has a gestural tag for this or any other general inclination of the sort graphologists claim to detect. Moreover, the body and facial movements studied by credible researchers are biologically-based social signals. They are unlearned and convey useful information only because they are the same for everyone. Writing is quite the opposite, a learned skill that graphologists think mirrors individuality because it is different for everyone. And good actors are quite good at faking body and facial signals, something allegedly impossible with writing, according to graphologists. Perhaps most damaging of all to the graphologists' cause is the evidence that such information as can be gleaned from unconscious movements and facial expressions is readable by anyone without formal training. There is no need to pay anyone a fee to interpret what they mean.

The police and courts use graphology, so it must be valid. I am tempted to say, "Ronald Reagan used astrology, so it must be valid" and leave it at that, but there are a few other useful lessons to be derived here. Yes, unfortunately, some misguided officials have employed handwriting analysts in forensic settings, but the practice is not as widespread as graphologists imply. As a group, police officers, lawyers, and judges are no more or less prone to erroneous beliefs than anyone else. Faced with difficult decisions where no other method offers certainty (an ideal breeding ground for superstitions), some in the criminal justice system occasionally get swept up in hopeful nonsense, just like the rest of us. The vast majority do not endorse graphology or psychics, however. Graphologists occasionally offer their services to the police and get a polite hearing, as any citizen is entitled to. And for reasons related to the subjective validation effect, discussed below, the recipients may well have been more impressed than the performance warrants. Of course, like psychics who claim to solve crimes, a few chance hits and reliance on conventional clues, boosted by a bit of embellishment and unabashed self-promotion, can establish a high but unearned reputation.

The artificially inflated reputation enjoyed by handwriting analysis is largely due to the tendency to confuse the profession of graphologist with that of a questioned document examiner (QDE). As Dale Beyerstein [20] has observed, nonsense often rides piggyback on sensible knowledge, and graphology, though it bears only the most superficial resemblance to scientific document examination, misappropriates the latter's well-deserved prestige [21]. Both fields analyze handwriting, but that is where the similarity ends.

A QDE is a scientifically-trained forensic investigator who also has considerable knowledge of the history of papers, inks, writing implements, systems of penmanship, and styles of expression [22]. QDEs are respected experts who are frequently consulted by the police and the courts. Their modus operandi is quite different from that of a graphologist, however. The job of a QDE is to establish the provenance and authenticity of documents, some of which are handwritten. Unlike a graphologist, a legitimate QDE would never attempt to discern the personality of the writer from the script he or she examines. Where appropriate, the QDE will compare the writing in disputed documents to known samples from the hand of the putative author. Thus a typical question for a QDE might be, "Is this an authentic letter from Mozart to his patron or a clever forgery? Or, "Did the defendant in the dock write this ransom note?" By comparison, a typical question for a graphologist might be, "Does this writer harbor a secret resentment of authority?"

If need be, a QDE will chemically analyze the ink, microscopically examine the fibers and watermarks of the paper, and look for distinctive marks left by different kinds of writing instruments. In addition, he or she might compare grammar, style, and punctuation to social or historical norms, all for the purpose of establishing when, where, and by whom a given document was written. The exposure of the infamous "Hitler Diaries" as forgeries showed QDEs working at their best [23]. As consultants in litigation or historical disputes they are asked only to rate the probability that a given person wrote the document in question, not to pass on the guilt, innocence, or any other psychological trait of the alleged author. That a few QDE's also practice graphology on the side also leads to confusion in the public mind. Most QDEs are just as unhappy at being confused with a graphologist as an astronomer would be if mistaken for an astrologer.

Hard-nosed personnel managers swear by graphologists' usefulness in selecting employees. Some do. Most do not. Regardless, there are many reasons, other than the validity of graphology, that could account for these relatively rare endorsements [11,24]. First, there is ample reason to believe that, even if they are not aware of it, graphologists use other, non- graphological clues that could highlight the better candidates. For instance, the contents of handwritten application letters are rich in useful biographical information. Although graphologists claim to ignore these leads, there is evidence to the contrary [25,26]. Also, graphologists often chat up the managers who consult them to see which candidates the employers are already leaning toward. Thus the graphologist is often privy to conventional information about the applicants and, in many cases, merely reinforces the managers' intuitions. Employers are often interested, as much as anything else, in this kind of reassurance that their hunches are correct. This helps soothe the unease that surrounds the inherently error-prone practice of hiring and the high costs of a mistake. Graphologists can supply this peace at mind because they make comforting but highly inflated claims that ethical personnel experts would not and could not make [24]. And, finally, in a corporate hierarchy, where covering one's backside is a fundamental imperative, it is also prudent to have someone like a graphologist to blame if the risky procedure of selecting an employee turns out badly.

Another unearned source of satisfaction with graphology stems from the fact that employers rarely give the scripts of all applicants to a graphologist—hat would be too expensive. The graphologist usually sees only the scripts of short-listed applicants, those already selected on the basis of superior education, work experience, supervisors' recommendations, etc. Thus it is likely that everyone in this much-reduced pool would be at least adequate for the job. Because the rejects are not given a chance to show what they could do if hired, we have no way of knowing whether they would have performed as well as or better than the applicant recommended by the graphologist. And, of course, the mere fact that a graphologist has anointed the successful candidate may affect later appraisal of his or her job performance. Much research on so-called "halo effects" shows that a recommendation from a trusted source can make average performance seem better than it is and can also make supervisors more apt to excuse less than adequate performance as a temporary aberration. The vast literature on "cognitive dissonance" shows that people who have staked their reputations or significant amounts of money on a course of action, especially if others have questioned its advisability, have strong psychological motives to interpret the outcome as favorable, even in the face of contrary evidence [27].

In scientific tests of the ability of graphologists to recognize job-relevant traits, it is possible to control for these spurious sources of consumer satisfaction. Klimoski contrasts the methods of scientifically-based personnel selection with those of graphologists. He conducted many studies designed and carried out with the collaboration of eminent graphologists who approved all procedures in advance. In controlled tests in the workplace, handwriting analysis has fared very poorly [1,8,25,28,29].

Graphologists must have noticed over the centuries that certain kinds of people write in certain ways. They might have, but they didn't. Systematically tabulating any relationships between personality and writing is the way a scientific investigator would have proceeded but, as shown above, there is overwhelming evidence that graphology has always followed the rules of divination rather than those of modern personality research [ ]. In fact, as Dean, Kelly, Saklofske, and Furnham [26] forcefully argue, the founders of graphology couldn't possibly have kept track of the huge number of independently varying combinations of writing and personality traits necessary to be able to extract any such patterns, had they existed in the first place. As they also point out, that is because:

Graphological effects are too small to have been reliably observed.
Graphological features are too numerous to be reliably combined.
Assessment of the match between graphology and the person suffers from too many biases to allow valid
Psychologists have shown that, without sophisticated aids, human cognitive abilities are not capable of tracking the interrelationships of that many variables simultaneously. As it turns out, modern mathematical techniques that would reveal such patterns find none, but even if they had been there, graphologists did not really go about looking for them systematically. The intuitive approach they did adopt would have been incapable of extracting any possible signals from the noise.

It works. Research shows that when the ascriptions of a tea leaf reader, palmist, astrologer, or graphologist turn out by chance to fit, this will count far more than it should in supporting the belief that "it works" (see the "the subjective validation effect," discussed below). If someone asserts that potato- eating improves your tennis game and you find that your next five superior opponents recently ate potatoes, it hardly clinches the case, does it? But clients and graphologists alike tend to be impressed by this kind of "hit". They rarely look to see how many other people have the written sign but not the trait, and how many have the personal attribute without its graphological indicator. Graphologists rely almost exclusively on anecdotal reports and personal testimonials that lack these essential comparisons. For reasons that will become apparent later in this chapter, such affirmations are worthless as scientific evidence. Research into so-called heuristic biases shows how common judgmental shortcuts often lead us to espouse bogus ideas and commodities [30]. When competent, impartial outsiders tally up both the hits and the misses, the seemingly impressive track record of graphology evaporates. Let us now turn to that evidence.

The Empirical Eidence For and Against Graphology
My task in summarizing the extensive scientific research on graphology has been made quite easy by the superb efforts of Geoffrey Dean [8], who has carried out an exhaustive review of the literature. In any area of scientific controversy, a single study practically never decides the issue. It is only through the patient accumulation of many experiments, replicated by different investigators with converging methodologies, that a dependable pattern will emerge. Until recently, the most common way of trying to settle disputes in contentious areas was essentially to take a "box score"—i.e., so many studies for conclusion X and so many against—the preponderance carrying the day. Not all empirical findings should count equally in such a tally, however. Those studies with larger sample sizes, better methodology, and less noisy data ought to carry heavier weight in the grand adjudication. Fortunately, there has emerged a way of factoring such considerations into the overall assessment, and thereby drawing more reliable conclusions from multiple studies on a given topic. It is called "meta-analysis." Dean's review of the empirical research on graphology applied this mathematical technique to assess the cumulative effect of over 200 published studies from numerous countries and in several languages [8].

In deciding whether graphology really works, Dean addressed questions about both its reliability and validity. In the case of reliability, we are asking about the consistency or repeatability with a given measurement technique. I.e., if an operator repeats a measurement, or different operators use it on the same object, will the results concur? The former is called "test-retest reliability," the latter, "inter-rater reliability." Imagine a rubber yardstick that gave variable results on each attempt—how useful would such an implement be? In technical terms, we would say that it had low reliability. Reliability is an essential, but not sufficient, condition for acceptance of a measurement method.

Unless a measuring instrument is reliable, it cannot have validity which is defined as the ability of the technique, test, etc., to measure what its proponents say it measures. A mercury thermometer provides a valid measure of mean kinetic energy, for instance, but it would lack validity as a measure of gravitational pull. A thermometer is reliable in that, all things being equal, repeated observations usually produce very close to the same result. That reliability, by itself, is no guarantee of validity can be seen from the following. If I assert that counting the number of moles on your back is a good way to estimate your intelligence, I could probably get roughly the same total on successive counts (i.e., the measure has reliability), but you would be right to ask me for evidence of its validity as an index of intelligence. To satisfy you, I would need to present independent confirmation that variability in mole density in the population at large correlates well with accepted criteria of intelligence. Obviously, this it would not do, so the measure lacks validity.

With respect to graphology, reliability within and across practitioners trained by the same school has been tolerable in some, but not all, studies. I.e., sometimes when the same sample of writing was submitted twice it came back with more or less the same profile after two perusals by the same graphologist or from both tries by two different graphologists [24] but see Goldberg [31] and Dean [8] for examples where even this minimum requirement was not met). Since the various graphological schools often disagree, one would not expect the same result from followers of different systems. But even if graphology in the hands of well-practiced disciples of the same school gives the same answer on repeated assessments of the same script, is that sufficient reason to believe that it will be accurate when it is used to predict your degree of friendliness, honesty, creativity, or devotion to an organization?

Computing scientists constantly warn us about the GIGO problem: "Garbage In, Garbage Out." In other words, no matter how accurately a computer might follow its program, if you feed it meaningless input, it will methodically grind out equally inane results. Consistently-processed rubbish is still rubbish. Increasingly, graphologists are appealing to the unwary by advertising that they now use computers, hoping by adopting these trappings of science to acquire a patina of respectability. Computerization may increase the reliability of graphological attributions, but if the raw materials of an analysis (slants, pressures, flourishes, i-dots, etc.) are not valid indicators of personality traits, then the fact that the computer derives a similar portrait of the client on multiple tries is of little comfort. And that, in a nutshell, is the question: "Are graphological 'signs' valid indicators of their supposedly correlated personality traits or aptitudes?"

In order to answer questions about validity, one must have a criterion for the trait that is supposedly indicated by the measure. If we are evaluating a test that claims to predict superior sales ability, for instance, the criterion might be the agent's total annual sales or the number of deals closed per number of contacts. An acceptable test would have to show not only that those who ace the test tend to be high on such criteria but also that those who do poorly end up at the bottom of the sales charts [24]. In his worldwide search for empirical evaluations of graphology, Dean [8] unearthed more than 200 studies that had unambiguous criteria of this sort and were acceptable with respect to sample sizes, experimental controls, statistical analyses, etc. After subjecting these studies to a meta-analysis, Dean showed that graphologists have failed unequivocally to demonstrate the validity or reliability of their art for predicting work performance, aptitudes, or personality. Graphology thus fails according to the standards a genuine psychological test must pass before it can ethically be released for use on an unsuspecting public.

Dean found that no particular school of graphology fared better than any other, belying the smug claims of Graphoanalysis that it is scientifically superior to its rivals. In fact, no graphologist of any stripe was able to show reliably better performance than untrained amateurs making guesses from the same materials. In the vast majority of studies, neither group exceeded chance expectancy.

Perusing Dean's accumulated corpus of studies, an interesting relationship emerges. The better a given study is, methodologically, and the more stringent the peer review process of the journal in which it is published, the more likely it is that the results will be unfavorable to graphology. For this reason, it is not surprising that the majority of studies that find any merit whatever in graphology are published by graphologists themselves—in promotional pamphlets, their own proprietary journals, or the for-profit popular press. When pro-graphology pieces occasionally make it into scientific journals they are typically the organs that have the lowest rejection rates and charge the authors for the privilege of publishing.

Of course, graphologists hotly contest the foregoing conclusions, claiming that the tests that belittle their abilities are unfair and irrelevant. The fact remains, however, that, in many of the best studies, graphologists gave prior approval to the tasks they would be asked to perform and the assessment criteria; i.e., they were willing participants until the negative results became known. Often graphological societies nominated their best to represent them in these tests. In one rigorous series of studies, by Klimoski and his colleagues, the graphologists were so confident they would excel that they even funded the projects. They agreed at the outset that the assigned tasks were a fair approximation of what they do in their everyday practices. Only when the results turned out disastrously for them did the graphologists begin to quibble about the fairness of the tests, at one point even going so far as to threaten legal action to suppress publication of the results. Summarizing his own research and that of many others, Klimoski concludes, "...a manager receiving solicitations for graphological services or seeing assistance in personnel decision making would be wise to heed the American credo, 'Caveat Emptor'—let the buyer beware." [24:263]

Why Graphology Seems to Work—The "Barnum Effect"
Faced with the consistently poor showing of handwriting analysis in scientific tests, the typical response from graphologists is, "I don't need to prove anything to you. I know it works and I have hundreds of satisfied customers to prove it." Of course, this is the same rejoinder I have received from every tea leaf and tarot card reader I've debated as well. People pay good money and come back for more—they must be receiving good value, mustn't they? Not necessarily.

If graphology's track record in large-scale, carefully controlled tests is as poor as critics say it is, how could so many intelligent, well-educated people still believe it has merit? As mentioned earlier, the power of personal experience often overshadows reams of tables and graphs when people try to make complex judgements about the world [30]. Hope and uncertainty evoke powerful psychological processes that keep all occult and pseudoscientific character readers in business. In everyday settings, their pronouncements can seem remarkably specific and telling, even though they are not. The spurious feeling that something deeply informative has been revealed in an astrological, graphological, or psychic reading arises from a kind of cognitive slippage that has come to be known as "the Barnum effect." Its other names are the "subjective validation effect" or the "personal validation effect." The more colorful appellation recalls the famous American showman, P.T. Barnum, who advertised, "I have a little something for everyone."

As many studies have demonstrated, people invariably interpret vague, positive generalizations that are true, in some form, of nearly everyone as if they applied specifically to the particulars of their own lives [26]. Have you ever opened a fortune cookie that didn't somehow apply to you? The fascinating thing is that we "read in" the specifics with practically no awareness that they arise from our own associative processes, rather than the character reader's insights. This is not mere gullibility. It stems, instead, from the overapplication of one of our most useful cognitive skills—the ability to make sense out of the barrage of disconnected information we face daily. In fact, we become so good at filling in to make a reasonable scenario out of disjointed input that we sometimes make sense out of nonsense. Human nature is so complex and individual behavior so varied, there is almost always something in our background to fit a reader's pronouncement. Psychologists have learned a great deal about the social and cognitive variables that make Barnum-type generalities seem so penetrating and personally relevant [11,26,32-34 ].

The Barnum effect is so powerful that an informal demonstration of any personality test, fringe or orthodox, is all but useless. Our enquiring minds will automatically embellish the bare bones of such output to make it seem self-referential. Once again, this is not feeblemindedness; in fact, more intelligent people are more facile at inserting these extrapolations. For that reason, a proper test of any character reading scheme will need to control for this false sense of accuracy. Thus, instead of simply asking clients if the palm reader or astrologer has accurately portrayed them, a proper test would first have readings done for a large number of clients and then remove the names from the profiles (coding them so they could later be matched to their rightful owners). After all clients had read all of the anonymous personality sketches, each would be asked to pick the one that described him or her best. If the reader has actually included enough uniquely-pertinent material, members of the group, on average, should be able to exceed chance in choosing their own from the pile. No occult or pseudoscientific character reading method, graphology included, has successfully passed such a test.

Additional evidence that the apparent accuracy of nonscientific character readings is, like beauty, in the eye of the beholder can be found in many studies (see references above) that led people to think they were receiving a reading done specifically for them. When experimental subjects are asked to rate how well the resulting profile describes them, they overwhelmingly endorse its contents although, unbeknownst to them, they are all given the identical astrologer or graphologist's report. In one recent study, subjects read statements about other people produced by a certified Graphoanalyst and an number of "Barnum statements," intentionally written to be so vague as to be applicable to virtually everyone [11]. The subjects rated the Graphoanalyst's descriptions of strangers as being just as good descriptors of themselves as the intentionally-vague Barnum statements. When a group is given random profiles from valid psychological tests under the same conditions, they do not rate them as good a match to themselves because legitimate diagnostic tools do produce profiles that are not equally applicable to everyone.

Conclusion
In this essay I have argued that graphology, despite its scientific pretensions, remains mired in its occult past. I have shown why the graphologists' favorite justifications are inadequate and alluded to many well-controlled studies which have found that handwriting analysts, denied non-graphological clues about their clients, do no better than chance in describing them. The clients, on the other hand, cannot exceed chance either when asked to select their own from a stack of anonymous graphological profiles. Despite graphology's poor showing in these well-controlled tests, both practitioners and an a goodly portion of the public at large steadfastly continue to believe it works. The latter sections of this chapter were devoted to the interesting cognitive biases that have kept graphology alive by giving customers the strong illusion that it is revealing and accurate when it is not. If graphology cannot legitimately claim to be a scientific means of measuring human talents and leanings, what is it really? In short, it is a pseudoscience.

Pseudosciences are thinly disguised occultisms that have the trappings and usurp the prestige of science but lack the attitudes, the methods, and the repeatable findings that define a real science [35]. Pseudosciences have a number of telltale signs. They are typically isolated from the legitimate scientific disciplines that relate to their subject matter. Devotees are apt to be proud of their lack of orthodox credentials and hostile toward an "establishment" they see as ignoring if not outright persecuting them. They claim powerful but secret techniques that only work for believers, but frown upon skepticism and demands for proof. Pseudoscientists tend to shun mathematical analyses and cling to anecdotal data. Testimonials from satisfied customers substitute for rigorous tests. The idea of a simple control group is foreign to their way of thinking.

Pseudosciences are overrun by cranks who are not only ignorant of the theory and data in relevant scientific fields but claim fantastic results that run counter to well-established research. Often these putative effects would be highly desirable if true, but are postulated without plausible theories and mechanisms to account for why they might occur. What passes for theory in a pseudoscience is typically so vague that it is virtually impossible to test.

Such fields encourage ad hoc assumptions to explain away negative findings. In a word, they are unfalsifiable—nothing could possibly count against the theory. For instance, when graphologist Jane Paterson found that Ghandi failed to exhibit the large writing she said was typical of great leaders, she explained that his writing showed that he was modest and preferred to lead from a position of inferiority. Special pleading, after-the-fact, in place of firm, testable predictions—the pseudoscientist's stock in trade.

Data gathering in pseudosciences is slapdash; and research, if published at all, is usually self-distributed rather than found in the appropriate peer-reviewed journals. Pseudosciences abound with nonreplicable results. Their typical response to critics is ad hominem, while ignoring the disconfirming data. Bogus sciences are quick to misappropriate the prestige of legitimate science when it suits their purposes, but they are equally quick to vilify science when it disallows their fanciful claims. When they fail by conventional standards, pseudoscientists suddenly claim to be part of "a new paradigm" that stodgy orthodox scientists can't hope to comprehend. In fact, it is pseudosciences that are stodgy and unchanging. One of their most common features is a reverence for ancient texts that are never updated with new discoveries. An earmark of a pseudoscience is stagnation where there should be intellectual ferment and constant modification by new findings, as in genuine scientific fields. As Carl Sagan recently observed, real science reserves its highest praise for the young who prove their predecessors wrong. Pseudosciences drum doubters out of the corps.

References
Beyerstein B. The origins of graphology in sympathetic magic. In Beyerstein BL, Beyerstein DF, editors. The Write Stuff: Evaluations of Graphology—The Study of Handwriting Analysis. Amherst, NY: Prometheus Books, 1992, pp 163-200.
Gullan-Wuhr M. The Graphology Workbook: A Complete Guide to Interpreting Handwriting. Wellingborough, England: Aquarian, 1986, p 11.
Beyerstein B, Zhang J-P. By a man's calligraphy Ye shall know him: Handwriting analysis in China. In The Write Stuff, pp 30-41.
Nickell J. Handwriting: Identification science and graphological analysis contrasted. In The Write Stuff, pp 42-52.
Bunker MM. Handwriting Analysis: The Science of Determining Personality by Graphoanalysis. Chicago: Nelson-Hall, 1971.
Crumbaugh J. Graphoanalytic cues. In The Write Stuff, pp 105-118.
Lockowandt O. The present status of the research on handwriting psychology as a diagnostic method. In The Write Stuff, pp 55-58.
Dean G. The bottom line: Effect size. In The Write Stuff, pp 269-341.
Kelly I. The scientific case against astrology. Mercury, Nov/Dec 1980, pp 135-141.
Loewe M, Blacker C, editors. Oracles and Divination. Boulder, CO: Shambhala, 1981.
Karnes E, Leonard SD. Graphoanalytic and psychometric personality profiles: Validity and Barnum effects. In The Write Stuff, pp 436-461.
Carswell R. Graphology: Canadian implications. In The Write Stuff, pp 477-487.
Reagh JD. Legal implications of graphology in the United States. In The Write Stuff, pp 465-476.
Beyerstein B. Handwriting is brainwriting. So what? In The Write Stuff, pp 397-419.
McNichol A. Handwriting Analysis: Putting It to Work for You. Chicago, Contemporary Books, 1991.
Marne P. --- and Crime in Handwriting.. London, England: Constable, 1981.
De Sainte Colombe P. Graphotherapeutics: The Pen and Pencil Therapy. NY: Popular Library, 1972.
Bowman M. Difficulties in Assessing Personality and Predicting Behavior. In The Write Stuff, pp 203-231.
Allport GW, Vernon PE. Studies in Expressive Movement. New York: Macmillan, 1933.
Beyerstein D. 1992. Graphology and the philosophy of science. In The Write Stuff, pp 121-162.
Nickell J. A brief history of graphology. In The Write Stuff, pp 23-29.
Nickell J. Pen, Ink, and Evidence. Lexington, KY: University Press of Kentucky. 1990.
Harris R. Selling Hitler. NY: Pantheon, 1986.
Klimoski, R. Graphology and Personnel Selection. In The Write Stuff, pp. 232-268.
Jansen A. Validation of Graphological Judgements: An Experimental Study. Paris: Mouton, 1973.
Dean G and others. Graphology and human judgment. In The Write Stuff, pp 342-396.
Beyerstein B, Hadaway P. On avoiding folly. Journal of Drug Issues 20:689-700, 1990.
Ben-Shakhar G and others. Can graphology predict occupational success? Two empirical studies and some methodological ruminations. Journal of Applied Psychology 71:645-653., 1986.
Rafaeli A, Klimoski R. Predicting sales success through handwriting analysis: An evaluation of the effects of training and handwriting sample content. Journal of Applied Psychology 68:212-217, 1983.
Gilovich, T. How We Know What Isn't So: The Fallibility of Human Reason in Everyday Life. NY: Free Press/Macmillan, 1991.
Goldberg L. Some Informal Explorations and Ruminations About Graphology. In Nevo B, editor. Scientific Aspects of Graphology. Springfield, Ill.: Charles Thomas, pp. 281-293, 1986.
Hyman R. 1977. Cold reading: How to convince strangers you know all about them. The Zetetic (now The Skeptical Inquirer) 1(2): 18-37, 1977.
Dickson D, Kelly I. The 'Barnum Effect' in personality assessment: A review of the literature. Psychological Reports 57:367-382, 1985.
Marks D, Kammann R. The Psychology of the Psychic. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus Books. 1980.
Bunge M. What is pseudoscience? The Skeptical Inquirer 9(1):36-46, 1984.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Beyerstein, a member of the executive council of the Committee for Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal (CSICOP), is a biopsychologist at Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada. This article was slightly modified from his chapter on graphology in The Encyclopedia of the Paranormal, published in 1996 by Prometheus Books.

This article was revised on Augusty 29, 2002

[love-to-learn]

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for
survival. Check out the things that you can do with it: -


*EMERGENCY*
*I*
*The Emergency Number worldwide for **Mobile** is 112.* If you find
yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an
emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112
can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. **Try it out.**


*II*
*Subject: Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote
keys?*
This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone:
If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call
someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person
at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on
their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your
keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away,
and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you
can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: *It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car
over a cell phone!"*


*III*
Subject: Hidden Battery power
Imagine your cell battery is very low, you are expecting an important call
and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve
battery. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with
this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This
reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.


AND

*IV*
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?
To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on
your phone:
* # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your
handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone gets
stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They
will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the
SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.
You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever
stole it can't use/sell it either.
If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile
phones.

:rolleye: :rolleye: :rolleye: :rolleye: :rolleye: :rolleye: :rolleye:

[Sec Expert]

Thank you dear Love-to-learn
But I have a question do these apply to our cell phone networking system,For instance can we just pick up the cell phone and dial 112,I wonder what might happen?!

[love-to-learn]

Hi dear Sec Expert,

To be honest, I didn't try any of them myself. I just got it from a friend and I thought I could leave it here; maybe one day somewhere it's of any use to someone.

[Sec Expert]

Hi dear Sec Expert,

To be honest, I didn't try any of them myself. I just got it from a friend and I thought I could leave it here; maybe one day somewhere it's of any use to someone.

Thank you dear Love-to-learn I hope so.

[Sec Expert]

Hi EverY BodY!
This article from prevention.com is useful and up-t-date article about how insomnia .it has 3 parts with some shared points.I hope you like it


There are more than 70 different sleep disorders. Four of the most common disorders are described below.

Insomnia, the most common sleep disorder, is defined as difficulty falling and staying asleep every night or most nights, despite an adequate opportunity to sleep. Other symptoms of insomnia include waking up too early in the morning and being unable to fall back to sleep, and experiencing an unrefreshing night's sleep. As a result of a poor night's sleep, one usually feels tired and irritable the next day and has trouble concentrating on everyday tasks. Insomnia also can be a symptom of other physical and mental conditions, such as depression, or even of another sleep disorder, such sleep apnea.

Insomnia can last one night or up to several weeks. In some patients, it can be a chronic condition and last for years. Transient insomnia lasts for short periods of time and is described as "intermittent" when it occasionally re-occurs. Chronic insomnia is when episodes occur on most nights and last one month or more. According to the National Sleep Foundation's 2002 Sleep in America poll, 58 percent of adults surveyed reported experiencing one or more symptoms of insomnia at least a few nights a week in the past year, a number that represented 63 percent of adult women and 54 percent of adult men. More than three in ten (35 percent) say they have experienced insomnia every night or almost every night.

[Sec Expert]

This part tells you about the causes


Adequate restful sleep, like diet and exercise, is critical to good health. Sleep allows your body to rest and restore energy, while at the same time carry out important physiological and psychological functions that affect your physical and mental well-being.

Healthy sleep is defined as whatever amount and quality of sleep is needed to maintain optimal alertness while awake. Most adults need about eight hours of sleep each night, although ideal sleep requirements are highly individualized. Children and adolescents typically need more than eight hours, but after age four, require little to no daytime sleep. Many people don't get the ideal amount of sleep they need and become chronically sleep deprived. For others who suffer from sleep disorders, such as narcolepsy and other
illnesses, sleep is not refreshing.

Research has shown that sleep loss accumulates over time, causing a sleep debt. Insufficient restful sleep can result in mental and physical health problems, low energy, memory lapses, and difficulty maintaining equilibrium.

Typical sleep patterns can be disrupted by many factors:

* stress
* family demands or an overly busy schedule
* hormonal influences and changes in core body temperature (e.g., during ovulation or menstruation, hot flashes and night sweats characteristic of menopause)
* dieting, which can lower a woman's body temperature
* symptoms of pregnancy, such as body aches, nausea, leg cramps, fetal movements and heartburn
* depression, anxiety and worry

[Sec Expert]

This part speaks about symptoms


Sleep is essential for your body to function well both physically and mentally, and is vital to your overall feeling of well-being. Most adults require about eight hours per night. But each person's needs differ; a healthy sleep is merely defined as whatever amount and quality is needed to keep you at optimal alertness while you are awake.

Symptoms stem from either sleeping too little, as with insomnia, or of having a poor quality of sleep due to a disorder such as narcolepsy or obstructive sleep apnea. The most obvious symptom of a sleep disorder will be feeling unusually drowsy while you are awake or falling asleep at inappropriate times. You may also have low energy, difficulty getting out of bed, memory lapses, poor judgment, trouble concentrating on daily tasks or solving problems, and mood changes, including depression.

If you are mainly feeling fatigue--a bodily exhaustion that persists even though you are getting enough sleep--it may instead be a symptom of a medical, neurological or psychiatric problem like multiple sclerosis or depression.

Left untreated, conditions like sleep apnea may raise your risk for diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and stroke, so discuss your symptoms with your medical care provider.

[Sec Expert]

Hello!
Just about LOVE!


Happy Marriage = Good Health?
The heart benefits from a great relationship

by Deb Dellapena

ive your honey a big kiss. New research shows that love guards against heart disease, women's number one killer.

The catch: Only women in happy twosomes get this better-than-a-pill protection, says San Diego State University psychologist Linda C. Gallo, PhD, who tracked the health and happiness of 493 women for 13 years. Using blood tests, Gallo found that women with the luck, skill, or emotional fortitude to have created highly satisfying marriages were simply in better health.

They exercised more, smoked less, and felt less frazzled. As a result, their cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, and body weight--the big heart attack risk factors--were lower. They also felt less depressed, anxious, and stressed.

Top happy-marriage factors: time together, communication, good ---, and financial compatibility, plus shared lifestyle, personality type, and interests.

"It's clearly worth nurturing your marriage--in ways that make you feel happy--for the sake of your own health," Gallo says.

[Šepehr]

Why English Is So Difficult

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Anonymous

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England .

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?

GO FIGURE! That's American English.

unlike Sanskrit english made its own rules of pronounciation & Grammar in a different way based on the words derivated from

example CH is pronounced as ka wen the word is derived from greek example
character = karakter
CH is pronounced as sha wen the word is from french
ex champagne,chateau

similarly with singulars & plurals.

[magmagf]

Love can be Red, like the intense heat of a passionate kiss
.....the color of sweetness
.....the color of strawberries

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

Love can be blue,like the comfort we take in a pair of denim jeans
.....the color of strength
.....the color of perfect skies

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]


Love can be yellow,bright and warm like the morning sun
.....like the sounds of laughters of children on the merry-go-round
.....like the sounds of fun from the boys flying kites in the open fields

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]


Love can be green,peaceful and serene I can hear your heart beats
.....it is the feeling of a loving hand that touch a grieving heart
.....it is the whispering of trusting words to a distressing soul

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

Love can be orange,the loudness of it can drive you up a wall
.....it can drive you to sing like nobody is listening
.....it can drive you to dance like nobody is watching

Love can be purple,the courage we need to love bravely and unselfishly
.....the moment I first kiss you I know that I am not afraid to risk involvement
.....the day the declaration of your love for me was made known

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[pedram_ashena]

Add up a series of numbers your social security number, your date of birth, your telephone number, to see if the total is divisible by seven
Add up your debts
Annoy a friend
Argue with a colleague about who is the best football quarterback ever
Arm wrestle with a colleague
Arrange a protest march for a cause you believe in
Arrange a seating plan for the office
Arrange to meet a friend in the washroom to chat
Arrange unpaid bills by date order
Arrange your next vacation from work
Ask a friend to help you make your own list of wasteful tasks
Ask colleagues to show you photos of their last vacation
Ask your boss for new office furniture
Ask your grandpa what grandma was like when she was young
Avoid stepping on the gaps between sidewalk paving stones during your lunch break
Balance a pen, pencil knife, and fork across your index finger
Balance on one leg of your chair
Begin to work out your family tree
Blow paper at colleagues through a straw
Blow up a paper bag and burst it behind a friend
Blow your own imaginary trumpet
Blow your own trumpet
Blubber your lips with your fingers, making bub, bub, bub noises
Boil water and make a cup of tea
Bore your friends by explaining how to draw an equilateral triangle that contains three right angles
Borrow a pen from someone in another
Borrow something from someone and forget to return it
Braid your hair
Break your diet
Bring a violin case to work for a week and carry it with you wherever
Browse through Roget's Thesaurus
Brush back your hair with your left hand
Build a ladder of good intentions to Heaven
Build a house of cards
Build a model Eiffel Tower using toothpicks
Build a model of the white House from old cigarette packs
Cacuate how much money you spend on average each day
Calculate all the money you have spent in your life so far
Calculate how long it would take you and three friends to build a major road
Calculate how long it would take you to read a twenty-volume encyclopedia
Calculate how many minutes you have been alive
Calculate how many seconds there are in one year
Calculate how much better off you were last year
Calculate how much money you spend each year
Calculate what you would do if you had a million dollars
Calculate which way is north of where you sit
Calculate your age in days
Calculate your annual budget
Calculate your monthly expenses
Call people rude names; then hide
Call someone whose name begins with the letter "L"
Call up someone you talked to last year
Call up someone you talked to yesterday
Carve miniature boomerangs f'rom paperboard and flick them at ends
Carve your initials onto your desk
Catch a cigarette in your mouth
Challenge a colleague to a plant-growing race - see who can grow the tallest plant in three months
Challenge the office assistant to a game of marbles
Change the batteries in your radio
Change the order of your keys on your key ring
Change the proportions of your face
Chat to a friend about your last date
Chat to a workmate about the book you are reading
Check all the illustration numbers in this book against their captions
Check share values in an old newspaper (maybe one ten years old) to see whyt changes have occurred Check share values in the newspaper
Check the classified ads in the paper to see if there is anything you need
Check to be sure your money is not counterfeit
Check your answers for yesterday's crossword puzzle
Check your house price from the real estate advertisements in the local paper
Check your make-up in a small mirror
Check your underarms for body smells
Check your waist measurement
Chew a match Chew a toffee
Chew the end of a ballpoint pen
Christmas dinner party
Clean out the sleep from your eyes
Clean out the supply closet
Clean out vour ear with Q-Tip
Clean out your wastepaper basket
Clean up the mess after clearing out the hole punch
Clean your comb
Clean your fingernails
Clean your hairbrush
Clean your shoes
Clear out the company medicine cabinet
Clear out the hole punch
Click your tongue to make a sound like galloping horses
Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to be blind
Coin a phrase
Color in the pattern on the facing page four colors or tints so no two abutting araeas have the same color
Color squares on graph paper
Comb your hair down
Compare yourself to earlier photographs
Conduct a marching band while humming and chatting
Conduct an imaginary orchestra
Conjugate ten verbs
Console a colleague
Construct a fictitious resume for yourself
Construct a theory for the location of your soul
Construct elaborate geometric patterns, then color them in with colored pencils
Construct elaborate patterns using circles
Construct your company's organizational tree
Consult a book to interpret your dreams
Consult an oracle
Contact someone on the computer system
Convince someone that an African elephant has smaller ears than an Asian elephant
Copy out your list of "tasks to do" again in a neat form
Count how many pages are in this book
Count television antennas from the window
Count the buttons on your jacket
Count the freckles on your face
Count the freckles on your forearms
Count the holes in your watch strap
Count the number of checks left in your checkbook
Count the number of matches in a box
Count the number of Smiths in the telephone book
Count the number of times "love" appears in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet
Count the number ways to waste time on this page
Count the roof tiles on the nearest building
Count the small change in your pockets or purse
Count the stars
Count the typographical errors in a newspaper
Count the windows in the biggest building you can see from your window
Count the words on this page
Count your blessings
Cover a sheet of paper with doodles
Crack your knuckles
Create a new cocktail for the office Christmas party
Create shadow figures using your hands
Cross and uncross your legs and practice your most impressive sitting position
Cry to get sympathy from a friend or your boss
Cultivate bangs (if you're a woman
Cut an envelope to make scrap paper
Cut out heads from magazines and stick them on other bodies
Cut out pictures from magazines
Cut yourself some shoe liners from old cardboard
Dance a jig
Dance around the office with a colleague
Daydream
Decide how you are going to pay your debts this month
Decide what style of topiary you would like in your garden
Decide what you really want to do with your life
Decide where to go on vacation in next year
Decide which items on your "Things to do" list need doing
Decide who you are going to pay this month
Demonstrate a karate throw to a colleague
Describe a journey to Britain on an old ship
Describe the last days in the lives of the dinosaurs that made these fossils
Describe to a colleague how you would explain to a child how a baby is made
Describe what Lincoln might be thinkig if he were not a statue
Design a new chair
Design a new desk
Design a new mode of transportation
Design a new office notice board
Design a stamp to commemorate your life
Design an old postage stamp
Design an outfit for anoffice toga party
Design new office shelving
Design yourself a new office
Despair
Devise your own coat of arms
Devise your own ornamental device
Dilute the error-correcting fluid
Discuss Ludwig Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus with a workmate
Distort a picture of you or a friend on the company photocopier
Do skipping with an imaginary rope
Do a "head-over-heels"
Do a jigsaw puzzle upside down
Do a magic trick in front of your colleagues
Do a self-portrait using colored pencils
Do absolutely nothing for five minutes
Do exercises in your chair
Do fifty push-ups
Do sit-ups on the floor
Do some exercises
Do some kitting
Do the same thing and see if it is divisible by three
Doodle
Doze in a chair
Draw a cartoon of a close friend
Draw a cyclops step-by-step
Draw a funny picture of your family
Draw a map of Europe from memory
Draw a map of your town ti
Draw a Ouija board and try to contact the original chairperson of your company
Draw a totem pole using the faces of colleagues and friends
Draw boxes and triangles in the margins of books
Draw cartoons
Draw circles by tracing around the base of a bottle or cup
Draw daisies in the margins of paper or a book
Draw different types of lips and match them to workmates
Draw faces on balloons
Draw Frankenstein's monster
Draw glasses on faces in today newspaper
Draw lines across the contours of faces in magazines
Draw mustaches onto photos in magazines
Draw out your family tree
Draw spectacles on photographs in newspapers
Draw twenty circles on a sheet of paper and draw a different face in each one
Draw up a two-month calendar and add special events
Draw your favorite flower
Draw your own profile
Dream of possessing your loved one
Dream of taking a ride on a dolphin
Drum out a rhythm with your fingers
During a phone conversation tell your loved one how devoted you are
Each week, look at the backs of your hands for signs of aging
Eat a candy with a noisy wrapper
Eat strange food that will keep you awake all night and make you feel so tired that tomorrow you will fall asleep
Eat your lunch with chopstics
Eavesdrop
Email any mistakes to the author
Empty your pockets
Enact the sky between two airplanes, using your hands to describe the actions, and making machine gun noises with your mouth
Estimate the cubic capacity of a container
Estimate your total wealth
Evaluate how much spare time you have each week to do nothing
Exercise your tongue by trying to make it reach the tip of your nose
Fall asleep at your desk
Fall into a fit of rage
Fall into a rage
Fax a list of jokes to a friend
Feed the birds outside the window
Feel very angry about some trivial problem and talk about it endlessly to f'riends
Fiddle with your earring
Fight an imaginary
Figure out how to catch the animals that escaped from the zoo
Figure out how to make a 3-D icosahedron from paper
Figure out how to use color in a map with the minimum number of colors so that no two adjacent areas are the same color
Figure out how you would teach a bear to dance
Figure out if you can climb through a playing card
Figure out the height of your office building
Figure out the largest single sum of money you ever earned
Figure out the largest single sum of money you ever paid anyone
Figure out the middle letter of the alphabet
Figure out the plot for a novel
Figure out what you would do locked in the bathroom without toilet paper
Figure out what your enemies think of you
Figure out what your friends think of you
Figure out who is the shortest person in the office
Figure out who is the tallest in your office
Figure the relationship between extraterrestria forces, metaphysical forces, paranormal forces, and the orders of spiritual levels in Heaven and Hell
Figure the values of half and half and half a number until you arrive at its twentieth value
Fill in a crossword puzzle without using the clues
Fill in earlier weeks in your office calendar
Fill in every letter p on the facing page end avoid reading the text
Fill in the teeth on the photographs of people in magazines
Fill in your office calendar with things you would like to be doing
Fill out the personal notes page of your office calendar
Find a new friend
Find a place to lie down in peace
Find a secret space and play cards with your friends
Find fault with everyone
Find out how to adopt an animal at the zoo
Find out the birthdays of all your collegues
Find out what is on TV thais week
Find out who borrowed your scissors and get them back
Flick paper at friends
Flip a coin to see who gets the coffee at break
Fold and refold your handkerchief
Fold brown paper into neat squares
Frighten a friend
Gaze at the clouds
Get drunk
Get everyone in the office to swap desks to confuse your boss
Get someone's attention by kicking them in the backside
Get very drunk
Get your calculator to spell words
Give up one of your favorite activities for a month so that you feel virtuous
Go forth and preach
Go out and buy a pack of cigarettes
Go out and send a letter
Go sit on the toilet
Go to the bathroom
Go visit your friends in the company and chat
Greet a new employee
Grow a mustache (if you're a man
Grow an unusual hairstyle
Grow your hair into a new style
Guess how much and then count the money in your pockets
Guess the value of a dollar in a year's time
Guess the weights of your f'riends
Guess who will be the next US President
Guzzle a pint of beer
Hammer a nail in the wall to hang your coat on
Have a cigarette
Have a cold beer
Have a snack
Hire a fancy-dress outfit at lunch break and wear it all afternoon
Hold your breath
Hold your head in your hands
Hold your right ear with your lett hand and your nose with your right hand, then hold your left ear with your right hand and your nose with your left hand, and repeat and repeat
Hop on one leg along a straight line
If you could return to earth as a celebrity, who would you be
Imagine a conversation in which your bank manager asks for your help
Imagine a day in the life of a coach horse in nineteenth century England
Imagine a discussion with a drunk
Imagine a perfect murder
Imagine an orgy
Imagine an unlikely place to meet a friend
Imagine an X-ray of your hand
Imagine arriving for work in the US President's car
Imagine being Adam and what you would have done on meeting Eve
Imagine being a character in a novel
Imagine being a slave asleep on a slave ship
Imagine being bandaged alive and put in a mummy's coffin
Imagine being eaten alive
Imagine being Eve and what you would have done on meeting Adam
Imagine being taken away by a superhero
Imagine being taken away by King Kong
Imagine being thin
Imagine being very poor
Imagine being very rich
Imagine colleagues' reactions if you came to work dressed differently
Imagine coming to work by elephant
Imagine coming to work in a tank
Imagine coming to work on your own orie-wheeled invention
Imagine confronting an opponent riding an elephant on the battlefield
Imagine doing a different job
Imagine for what reason you would want to blow up the government offices
Imagine Ginger Rogers inviting you to dance and waltz around the room
Imagine having a conversation with Jesus
Imagine having a howler monkey for a pet
Imagine having a life as short as that of a butterfly
Imagine having tea in China
Imagine having to fight for your country hundreds of years ago
Imagine having to fight in World War I
Imagine having to fight in World War III
Imagine having to go out and kill your lunch before you can cook and eat it
Imagine having to migrate to reach a breeding ground
Imagine having your boss just where you want
Imagine how cold it must be to wear a kilt in winter
Imagine how cold it would living in an igloo
Imagine how long it would take to get to work on a horse
Imagine how long it would take to write your own biography
Imagine how sorry everyone will be when you are dead
Imagine how to cope with being a werewolf
Imagine how you would escape from being tied up
Imagine how you would interview your boss for your job
Imagine how you would look after being told you have got a raise
Imagine how you would look after being told your raise doubles your salary
Imagine how you would pick a fight with your friends
Imagine life if you were as small as a cat
Imagine making a living by loaning people money
Imagine playing solitaire in a prison for thirteen years
Imagine pressing hot kisses onto the one you love
Imagine reading a diary of several past generations written by your greatgrandmother
Imagine riding home through tragic on a penny-farthing
Imagine standing next to the tallest tree in the world
Imagine ten things you might buy on vacation
Imagine the colors of fairies' wings
Imagine the weight of an elephant's suit of armor
Imagine the worst thing that could happen to you
Imagine two whales making love in the ocean
Imagine utter despair
Imagine wearing a fifth-century metal helmet a day
Imagine what child care is like for male seahorses
Imagine what excuses you would make if caught in an embarrassing position
Imagine what is "going on" next door
Imagine what it is like in Heaven
Imagine what it is like in Hell
Imagine what it is like to have an operation without anesthetic
Imagine what it would be like inside an iron maiden
Imagine what it would be like to be a fish in the sea
Imagine what people will be reading about in a year's time
Imagine what style of beard you prefer
Imagine what you will do between now and your retirement
Imagine what you will do when you retire
Imagine what you woud do with ultimate power
Imagine what you would be like as your boss's boss
Imagine what you would be worth if you had owned some successful shares for ten years
Imagine what you would do if you had only one year to live
Imagine what you would do if locked in a dungeon for twenty years
Imagine what you would do if you got your toe stuck in the bathtub faucet
Imagine what you would do if you had only one day to live
Imagine what you would do if you had only one week to live
Imagine what you would do if you were the richest person in the world
Imagine what you would do if you were very, very ugly
Imagine what you would do upon discovering someone you love has died
Imagine what you would do with $100,000
Imagine what you would do with superhero powers
Imagine what you would say in a message to space, trying to contact alien species
Imagine what you would say to someone - a friend or relative - who returns from the dead
Imagine what you would say to the Devil if you went to Hell
Imagine whom you would torture if you owned a rack
Imagine why you might have won an Oscar
Imagine wild sexual positions
Imagine wnat you would look with no hair
Imagine working in a pit crew for a racing team
Imagine working in a tower in a castle
Imagine you are about to take off in the space shuttle
Imagine you are floating in space
Imagine you are in control of a major operation
Imagine you are making love with Marilin Monroe (if you are a man
Imagine you are making love with Robert Redford (if you are a woman
Imagine Robert Redford and Marilyn Monroe making love together
Imagine your boss as a piece of fruit
Imagine your living room with new wallpaper
Imagine your worst nightmare
Imagine yourself in women's clothing (if you are a man
Imagine yourself as an artist painting your dream house
Imagine zero gravity
Imitate other people's way of walking
Improve your ambidextrous skills
Improve your whistling skills
In the two pictures shown upside down against each other, figure out the differences
Inform a colleague about the difference between a zubra and a zebra
Invent new items for a later edition of this book
Invent signals that you can send across a field
Invent a caption for this picture
Invent a conversation between Napoleon and Hitler
Invent a conversation with a drunk parrot
Invent a corresponaence with someone famous
Invent a day in the life of a small dinosaur
Invent a mechanical contraption to make the tea or coffee
Invent a motto
Invent a new animal using the characteristics of three existing ones
Invent a new identity for yourself
Invent a secret alphabet and write messages in it
Invent a wonderful fancy costume
Invent an office golf obstacle course
Invent an unusual fancy-dress costume
Invent characters for a novel
Invent families for these people
Invent imaginary creatures
Invent new monsters and creatures on paper and give them collegues’ names
Invent personalities for each of the people in this picture
Invent ten new "Old Testament" commandments
Invent ten reasons why you I would give people medals
Invent the conversation you might have if you met with an alien
Invent the worst opening sentence of a novel
Invent ways of disposing of a body
Invent Winston Churchill's next line
Invite friends out for a drink after work
Jump on your chair and shout "cockroachI" to frighten your colleagues
Keep a diary
Lace your shoes differently
Laugh at old photographs of yourself and colleagues
Laugh at your boss latest demands
Lean back in your chair and look at the ceiling
Learn five new words in your dictionary
Learn how to carry out resuscitation
Learn the symbols for the signs of the zodiac
Learn to calculate
Learn to draw an equilateral triangle
Learn to identify pasta types
Learn to identify the names for parts of a sword
Learn to identify the --- of earwigs
Learn to read your fortune in the lines on the palms of your hands
Lie horizontal on the floor
Lie very still and pretend to be dead
List a boy's and girl's name for each letter of the alphabet
List a the hotels you have stayed in
List all the animals you would like to visit at the zoo
List all the places in the world you would like to visit
List as many creepy-crawly insects as you can
List the faults of your friends
List what you would do if you had only ten days to live
List what you would do if you had only ten minutes to live
List your ten favorite actors or actresses
List your ten favorite names for boys
List your ten favorite names for girls
Listen in one private conversation
Listen in to other people's conversations and pretend they are talking to you
Listen to pop music on headphones
Listen to the radio
Look at old diaries to see what you did this timeast year and the year before
Look at your vacation photos
Look out of the window
Look through last year's staff party photographs
Look to See if anything has fallen behind the radiators
Look up the value of your old LPs in a catalog
Make a "Big Brother" poster of your boss using the photocopier
Make a Christmas card list of friends
Make a cup of coffee
Make a cup of tea
Make a funny hat
Make a ist of your charms
Make a liist of time-wasting activities
Make a list in order of priority of the tasks to do
Make a list of all the books you would like to read
Make a list of all the people you owe dinner invitations
Make a list of all the people you'd enjoy having --- with
Make a list of anagrams from your name
Make a list of books you have already read
Make a list of everything you ate yesterday
Make a list of extinct or endangered species
Make a list of friends you could write to when you get back
Make a list of omissions from this list
Make a list of people you should invite to dinner
Make a list of ten questions you would ask Napoleon should you meet in the afterlife
Make a list of the ten best films ever made
Make a list of the ten most attractive men in the world
Make a list of the ten most attractive women in the world
Make a list of the ten people you would arrest immediately if you became dictator
Make a list of the things you would do to your bank manager if you had power over him
Make a list of the things you are most afraid of having done
Make a list of the things you are most proud of having done
Make a list of things that you would pack to take on a vacation to Hawaii
Make a list of things to do on the weekend
Make a list of your best features
Make a list of your debts
Make a list of your faults
Make a list of your replies in answer to questions about your work colleagues so the lie detector does not reveal your true feelings
Make a machine for blowing smoke rings
Make a mask out of a piece of card or paper
Make a musical instrument from a paper and comb
Make a musical instrument out of drinking straws
Make a paper airplane
Make a paper box
Make a paper chain
Make a paper hat from office stationery
Make a paperclip chain
Make a parcel of unwanted objects and send it to someone in a different departs
Make a rubbing of a coin
Make a shopping list for next Christmas
Make faces at the goldfish
Make facial expressions in a mirror
Make funny faces at the person nearest you
Make ink blots and move them around to form shapes
Make labels for all the office drawers
Make patterns with paperclips
Make rude gestures to passersby
Make rude hand gestures
Make shadaw images with your hands
Make silhouette cutouts of your workmates
Make silly noises
Make sure that the birthdays of all your family and friends are listed in your office calendar
Make ten words from your name using each letter just once
Make up a joke
Make up a nonsense conversation to have with a friend
Make up anagrams for different countries
Make up some Chinese-style writing and invent what it says
Make your desk untidy then make it tidy again
Make your own crossword puzzle
Make yourself sneeze
March around the office like a Roman soldier
Massage the bags under your eyes
Master the art of playing musical spoons
Measure the height of the plant by your desk
Measure theength of your fingers
Measure your height
Meditate
Memorize the formula for calculating the velocity of water passing through a tube giving the interior distance and the speed
Memorize the order of the books in the "Old Testament"
Name Snow White's seven dwarfs
Name the 101 Dalmations
Panic
Peel an orange
Peep through a keyhole at an office meeting
Phone a friend and resolve a disagreement
Phone someone in your office to see if they are bored
Phone up an airline and find out how much it would cost to travel to London on Concorde
Phone up someone in the company you do not know and say hello
Photocopy pictures of places you would like to visit from an old history book
Photocopy your hand
Pick a day to take your children to the park
Pick off old nail polish
Pick the worst team you can think of in your favorite sport
Pick your nose
Pickyour teeth with a toothpick
Place a collection of new magazines in the bathroom for guests to read
Plan a bank robbery
Plan a camping vacation
Plan a day at your favorite beach
Plan a day when you stay at home sick and lie in bed and do nothing
Plan a Halloween party
Plan a night out with your best friends at your favorite restaurant
Plan a trip in a hot-air balloon with your partner
Plan a trip to Europe if you have not been there
Plan a visit to a local historic building
Plan how to give up smoking or any vice
Plan to achieve an ambition
Plan to dispose of a body
Plan what to do with the money when you win the state lottery
Plan what you will cook for dinner this evening
Plan what you would do with one ten hours to live
Plan your retirement
Play a card trick on a friend
Play a game of gin rummy
Play a tune on a cup with a spoon
Play a tune on a rubber band
Play a tune on your teeth
Play a tune on your teeth with a pencil or ballpoint pen
Play a tune with your tongue (make galloping sounds
Play an imaginary harmonica
Play cards with a colleague
Play cards with a group of workmates
Play music to your plants
Play solitaire
Play solitaire and cheat
Play with a hole in your teeth with your tongue
Play with the candy wrapper while you eat the candy
Play with the keys or money in your pocket
Play with the things on your desk
Play with worry beads
Play with your watch strap
Play your boss at checkers
Play yourself at chess - and cheat
Play yourself at tick-tack-toe
Play yourself at tick-tack-toe
Pluck your eyebrows
Polish a peach
Polish and shine an old coin
Polish spectacles
Polish your nails
Pop air out of the pockets in plastic sheet materials
Practice juggling
Practice balancing a dime on its edge
Practice bandaging your finger
Practice belching
Practice blinking with one eye and then the other
Practice blowing smoke rings
Practice body-building in a mirror
Practice different handwriting styles
Practice drawing perfect circles without a compass
Practice drinking from a cup while lying down
Practice farting
Practice folding your suitjacket for your next business trip
Practice forging your boss's signature
Practice hand shadow art
Practice insulting hand gestures
Practice levitating
Practice magic card tricks
Practice making strange faces in the mirror
Practice making paper cutouts
Practice rubbing your tummy and rubbing your head at the same time
Practice signing someone else's signature
Practice telepathy with your workmates
Practice the Mona Lisa smile
Practice the skill of clicking your fingers
Practice throwing crumpled up pieces of paper into the wastepaper basket
Practice touching your chin with your tongue
Practice touching your nose with your tongue
Practice walking on on leg
Practice writing a letter without looking at the paper
Practice writing your name with the hand you don't usually write with
Practice writing your signature left-hand
Practice your swimming skills by lying across a stool
Pray for an easier life
Pray for something good to happen
Predict which football team will win this year's Super Bowl
Press the cap of your ballpoint pen in and out
Pretend you are walking on the moon
Pretend gou are a race car driver
Pretend to be a bird
Pretend to be dead and lie very still
Pretend to dance around the room with Fred Astaire
Pretend to hold a gun and shoot people as they walk by
Pretend you are a statue
Pretend you are speaking to someone on phone
Pretend you can walk on the ceiling
Pretend you have lost your memory
Promise not to swear ever again
Promise to become a blood donor
Prune and shape the company bonsai tree
Puff up your cheeks and make squishing sounds with your mouth
Puff up your cheeks with air in your mouth
Pull down your cuffs and fiddle with the buttons widdle your thumbs
Pull off the petals of a flower reciting "she loves me - she loves me not"
Pull up your socks
Push back the cuticles on your nais
Put cotton balls in your ears and imagine you are deaf'
Put markers in books on topics of interest
Put the books on your Shelf in Order of subject
Raise hell
Raise your hat to an imaginary passerby
Read a book upside down to see if anyone notices
Read a map of the places you will never ao to
Read a newspaper
Read a tourist brochure
Read all of itoday's mail again
Read an old TV Guide
Read any section of a dull book
Read every entry in this book, holding it at arm's length
Read Genesis and give an estimate for the cost of creation
Read Ludwig Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus
Read the acknowledgments of a book
Read the annual financial report of a major corporation - and figure out its real value
Read the Chinese take-out menu and chooseyour lunch
Read the ingredients on a sauce bottle
Read the obituary column of your local newspaper
Read this book right through again
Read this book with one eye shut
Read your horoscope in an old newspaper
Read your own fortune in a teacup
Rearrange tapes
Rearrange the boardroom furniture
Rearrange the office
Re-arrange the workspace
Recite the alphabet backward
Refill your fountain pen
Refill your staple gun
Rehearse your excuses for when you are caught in an embarrassing situation
Remember a long-lost relative or friend
Remember a sad moment
Remember a special day
Remember a trip to Europe
Remember all the people at your bus stop on the way to work
Remember all your old addresses
Remember an embarrassing moment as a child
Remember an old friend
Remember items in this book that have been repeated
Remember last Friday's hangover
Remember the age when you wore a bra
Remember the last time you won money at cards
Remember times when you were at a beach as child
Remember what you looked like when you were young
Remember where everything is in your living room
Remember where you've seen aarge clock (and what time it was)
Remember your childhood
Remember your fauorite song
Remember your first day at work
Remember your first girlfriend or boyfriend
Remember your first kiss
Remember your last train journey
Remove hairs from your clothes
Remove the chewing gum from underneath chairs and tables
Remove the dead flies from the lampshade
Remove the peel from an apple in one continuous piece
Repot the oflice plants
Reserve some tickets for a show
Rethink what was said to you yesterday
Retie your shoelaces
Ring your own phone number to check that your phone is working
Roll up bits of paper and throw them at friends
Rub the rim of a glass until it "sings"
Rub the sides of your nose with your thumb and forefinger
Rub your tummy while tapping your head
Run around the office as though someone were chasing you
Run naked around the office
Say "Oh, dear me" repeatedly
Scratch a spot
Scratch your arm where it is not itching
Scratch your eyebrow with your finger
Scribble on an old fax
Search for faces in the wallpaper
Search our hair for lice
Search the local telephone directory and call people with the same name as yourself and ask whether they are relatives
See how ar down a chair you can slide before you fall to the ground
See how far you can reach up your back with your hand
See how long you can hold your breath
See how many different positions you can get your desk lamp to go in
See how many different writing implements you can find
See how many times you can fold up a piece of paper
See how many ways you can write the name of the town you live in
See how many words you can make from your own full name
See what your name spells when you write it backward
See who has the most money in their pockets and make them buy lunch
Seek an understanding of your future in the pattern of coffee grinds in your cup
Select a name for your house
Send messages to colleagues via your computer
Send someone you love a gift
Set a clockwork mouse off around the office
Shadowbox
Sharpen all your pencils
Show a friend ---- photos
Show colleagues cartoons of your boss
Sing a song in the style of your favorite popstar
Sing arias from operas very loudly, waving your arms around at the same time
Sing your favorite song
Sit and catch people's eyes as they walk by
Sit and cross and uncross your legs
Sit and stare out of the window
Sit and think about why you work where you do
Sit and worry
Sit at a colleague's desk while they are not there
Sit facing a blank wall
Sit in as many different positions as you can in the same chair
Sit on the floor
Sit on the stairs
Sketch your workmates when they are not looking
Slurp your coffee to distract everyone
Smoke a cigar
Smoke pot in the storeroom
Snarl at someone you dislike
Sneak up behind a colleague and try to tie their shoelaces together
Sort out all your used envelopes
Sort out old newspapers and magazines
Sort out the rubber bands in the stationery drawer
Sort out used ballpoint pens
Spin a coin
Split a pencil to see if you can get the lead out in one piece
Squeeze the zits on your face
Stack up used paper cups and then knock them down
Stand and sit continually for thirty seconds
Stand holding a chair and swing alternate legs backward and forward
Stand On One leg for a month
Stand on your desk and wish everyone "Good morning!"
Stand on your head
Stand on your head and recite your favorite poem
Start an argument with colleagues
Stick ex libris plates on your books
Stomp on plastic cups
Straighten the picture on the wall
Straighten the wire clothes hangers in the closet
String together rubber bands
Study a map of a region you are unlikely to ever visit
Study the controls of a space shuttle so you can pilot the ship back to earth
Suck peanuts
Sulk
Surprise someone at work you don't know by taking them a cup of coffee or tea
Swap your socks over
Swat a fly
Swing on your chair
Take all the dead matches out of matchboxes
Take the bulb out of your desk lamp and replace it
Take up yoga
Take your pulse
Talk for hours on the phone
Talk to a colleague about your favorite schoolteachers
Talk to a friend about a problem at home
Talk to angels
Talk to fairies
Talk to the office plants
Teach yourself to play the spoons
Tear an old telephone directory in half
Tease a workmate
Tell a friend what happened over breakfast
Tell someone a spooky campfire tale
Tell someone to calm down
Tell someone you just really don't care
Test the pens on your desk
Test your eyes using an eye-testing chart
Test your IQ
Test your memory by writing down what you did yesterday
Thi nk what you would do if you inherited a mansion
Think about cleaning your children's bedrooms
Think about haw big this dinosaur's toes might have been after seeing its thigh bone
Think about how humans evolved
Think about how lonely astronauts must feel up in space
Think about looking down from a great height
Think about ---
Think about your favorite type of tree
Think back to when you last mowed a lawn
Think how long it would take you to draw the Bayeux Tapestry
Think of a caption for the two pictures below
Think of a comic you read as a child
Think of a different thing you could do during your lunch break for the next two weeks
Think of a famous person you would like to draw or interview
Think of a job you would not like to do
Think of a new route to get to work
Think of a new use for a strange tool
Think of a news story for an employee newsletter
Think of a spot in the countryside you have longed to visit
Think of all the things you can sell that you don't really need
Think of an animal for each letter of the alphabet
Think of five people you would give a medal for bravery
Think of how you would fire someone if you were the boss
Think of something you would prefer to be doing now
Think of ten climb the stairs to work in a suit of armor
Think of ten excuses you could have used to stay in bed this morning
Think of ten reasons why you should not get married
Think of ten reasons why you should get married
Think of ten ways to cure a hangover
Think of ten ways to get away with murder
Think of the day you got married
Think of the reason why there are entries in this book
Think of the ten most beautiful women in the world
Think of the ten most handsome men in the world
Think of uses for every room in your own castle
Think of your favorite soccer goal and imagine yourself as the goalkeeper
Think qf ten ways to get into a castle unnoticed
Think up an advertisement using a toucan
Think up the most unlikely business trip
Think what graffiti you would write on the toilet walls
Think what would be your favorite sight from the crow's nest of a ship
Think what you could do with three extra fingers
Think what you will bring back as presents for friends and relatives from your next vacation
Think what you would do if you lost your job
Think what you would do with three wishes from your very own genie
Think where you would like to be buried when you die
Think who you would take away with you for a dream weekend
Throw a fit
Throw all your problems at someone else
Throw away old credit cards and business cards
Throw playing cards into a hat
Throw things at people from your office window (then hide
Throw your paper airplane to someone, if you haven't already
Tidy your office drawers
Tidy your work area
Tie knots in a piece of string
Tie little bits of string into one long piece
Tie up your shoelace with only one hand
Torment the cat
Toss a coin in the air as high as you can without hitting the ceiling
Toss a coin ten times to see how many times it comes up heads
Toss a dime from your forearm onto your hand
Touch your toes
Trim your nose hairs
Try a self-portrait
Try and remember your parents' zip code
Try on hats from the hat stand
Try to add letters to a notice to change its meaning
Try to catch nuts in your mouth by throwing them in the air
Try to curl up your toes
Try to find a baby sitter and arrange a night out
Try to get a dent out of a Ping-Pong ball
Try to guess the color of objects while blindfolded
Try to imagine what your children are doing
Try to look at the end of your nose
Try to move a coin by telepathy
Try to pick up small objects using crossed fingers
Try to read a page of a book upside down
Try to recall the names of kids in your elemental scool
Try to recall the periodic table
Try to recall your earliest thoughts
Try to remember the Gettysburg Address
Try to remember old group photos and the names of everyone in them
Try to remember old jokes
Try to remember the color of your friends eyes
Try to remember the formula for the volume of a sphere
Try to remember the license plate numbers of a the cars you have ever owned
Try to remember the name of the tiny man in The Maltese Falcon
Try to remember the order of Ten Commandments
Try to remember the tune of the Warsaw Concerto
Try to remember what is the most you have ever drunk on one occasion
Try to remember what you are supposed to be doing
Try to remember what you did last week
Try to remember what you did this time last year
Try to remember where you put last year's Christmas list
Try to remember who got drunk at the office party
Try to remember who taught you chemistry in college
Try to remember who told them
Try to remember who was the class "brain" when you were fifteen years old
Try to remember who won old national sports events
Try to remember with how many airlines you have flown
Try to see down your throat with a mirror
Try to see the minute hand of your watch moving
Try to slide as far down a chair as possible without falling off
Try to touch your elbow with your tongue
Try to wiggle your toes
Turn out your pockets and brush off the fluff
Turn the radio on and find the most boring channel
Turn your underwear inside-out
Twist around and around on your chair
Twist the end of an imaginal mustache
Twist your face into different shapes
Twist your legs around the chair in which you are sitting
Type an anonymous letter to someone and send it through inter-office mail
Type your curriculum vitae
Untangle t:he telephone cord
Untangle the cords on your blinds
Visit a friend
Wait until your boss leaves, then blow a raspberry
Wake up a friend
Wake up your grandparents with a phone call
Walk about quickly so you look busy
Walk around the building looking busy
Walk up and down
Wander around the office looking busy
Wash out old fountain pens
Wash your hands
Watch a friend work
Watch a friend working and mimic their habits
Watch a sunset
Watch the clouds to see which way the wind is blowing
Watch water run down a window pane
Water the plants
Wear a fancy hat for an hour
Whistle a tune
Whistle out a tune
Wind up your watch
Wink at someone across the room
Work as slowly as a snail or a giant tortoise
Work out how much you could save if you gave up smoking or other activities
Work out how to pay for your dream car
Work out how to spend this week's paycheck
Work out number puzzles in your head
Work out the perfect murder
Work out the real meaning of life
Work out what percentage of your salary you spend on going to work
Work out what time it is in Tokyo
Work out your height in meters
Work out your weight in kilos
Write a letter of protest about some local urban development to the relevant government officials
Write a letter to a famous person who is dead
Write a letter to Santa Claus
Write a letter to the Prime Minister of Britain
Write a limerick
Write a poem
Write a rude note to your bank
Write down all the people that you really care about
Write down ten reasons why you belong to your religion (if you are religious
Write graffiti on toilet walls
Write letter to a friend
Write lyrics to Ravel's Bolero
Write out your favorite poem as small as you can
Write the year in Roman numerals
Write the first paragraph of a comedy or a tragedy for the theater
Write the words to your favourite song backwards
Write to the author of this book
Write to the author of this book and thank him for wasting your time
Write words in the mist formed by your breath on a cold window or mirror
Write your autobiography in brief
Write your date of birth in Roman numerals
Write your epitaph
Write your name and address in mirror writing
Write your name on your office cup
Write your obituary

[amintnt]

Hi............. Could you please show me just a dot in your post??????????:eh: you'd better arrange it, otherwise it won't be useful for anyone........l
Also this kind of articles can be posted here:l

Selected Articles ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

Good Luck :happy:l

[sise]

Hi............. Could you please show me just a dot in your post??????????:eh: you'd better arrange it, otherwise it won't be useful for anyone........l
Also this kind of articles can be posted here:l

Selected Articles ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

Good Luck :happy:l


The post is arranged and i could read it easily. Is it necessaty to put dot ?!

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

it was a pretty long one

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

KILLING BY BILLING
One day I went 2 Dr.Kill
Who lived near the dirty mill
At the foot of a small hill

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
He asked me what was my ill
I said just chill chill! just chill!
He gave me dozens of pills
Made of fish gill
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
And advised me a series of drill
To be done till my will
But the result was still nil.
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
I told i m very ill still
He gave me his long bill
And asked me to fill
Before i write my last will![ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

Today is no special day and I have no particular reason for writing to you...

I have no news to tell you....

nor any problems to discuss with you....

or gossip to tell you...

It's only one of those happy moments...

when I thought of you...

and I would like to share these thoughts with you...


MANY SMILES BEGIN BECAUSE OF ANOTHER SMILE...
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]


Always have good self esteem...
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]



Take care of your friends, especially those dearest to you...
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]


Take care of your body...
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]



But most of all find time to relax...
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]



A Big Hug from your friend...
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

World is Mine

Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair
I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.
~~~
I stopped to buy some candy
The lad who sold it had such charm
I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
~~~
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
~~~
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, The world is mine.

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

Marriage and Men
- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.

- Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home

- A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face

- Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.

- An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.

- Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.

- Getting married is one mistake every man should make.

- A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.

- Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.

- The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet.

and lastly...... ......

- Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from gettting a better husband that the one she married!

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

Now after the marriage you can read it from bellow to up !!!!

[olinda]

Your Love is Ur Heart,

Your heart is Ur Spouse,

Your spouse is Ur Future,

Your future is Ur Destiny,

Your destiny is Ur Ambition,

Your ambition is Ur Aspiration,

Your aspiration is Ur Motivation,

Your motivation is Ur Belief,

Your belief is Ur Peace,

Your peace is Ur Target,

Your target is Heaven,

Heaven is no fun without FRIENDS.





F- Few

R- Relations

I - In

E - Earth

N - Never

D- Die
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[olinda]

Always try to help a friend in need

Believe in yourself

Be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes

Study hard

Give lots of kisses

Laugh often

Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number

Always try to see the glass half full

Meet new people, even if they look different to you

Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless

Take lots of naps..

Be weird whenever you have the chance

Love your friends, no matter who they are

Don't waste food

RELAX

Take an occasional risk


Try to have a little fun each day

...it's important

Work together as a team

Share a joke with friends

Fall in love with someone..

...and say "I love you" often

Express yourself creatively

Be conscious of your appearance

Always be up for surprises

Love someone with all of your heart

Share with friends

Watch your step

It will get better

There is always someone who loves you more than you know

Exercise to keep fit

Live up to your name

Seize the Moment

Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between

Indulge in the things you truly love

Cherish every Sunday

At the end of the day... PRAY

....... and close your eyes

And smile at least once a day!

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

[olinda]

GOOD FRIEND

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;

Someone who changes your life

just by being part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh

until you can't stop;

Someone who makes you believe

that there really is good in the world.

Someone who convinces you

that there really is an unlocked door

just waiting for you to open it.

[olinda]

TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the

telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

[olinda]

NO POINTING FINGERS
با انگشتان اشاره نکنید.

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

[olinda]

..



HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DAD AT DIFFERENT AGES:



At 4 Years
My daddy is great.




At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.


At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered


At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.


At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.


At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.


At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.


At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts
up with him.


At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.


At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father
when I was young.


At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.
At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage
a single son.
At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is
one of his kind and unique.
At 60 Years
My daddy is great.
Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage.
Realise the true value of your parents before its too late.
.

[olinda]

پیچاندنیهای انگلیسی
TOUNG TWISTERS

. 1.If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say"don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand

that you understand? Understand!

2 .I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3 .Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.


4 .A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5.Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

[olinda]

TOUNG TWISTERS

7 .I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8 .Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

. 9 .Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

10 .SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES .

[olinda]

TOUNG TWISTERS

11 .The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
13 .We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14 .Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15 .A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the
12 .If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way

[olinda]

TOUNG TWISTERS

16 .If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17 .Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed

[olinda]

0


مردان مفتخر!
Honorable MEN

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"


The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE MEN

[i'm not perfect]

it was pretty beutiful thanx dear

[i'm not perfect]

:39::39:
now i really can realize the value of you boys because most of the time i thought what's the reason of creating men but now everything changed for me:16:
just kidding buddy:46:

[olinda]

make a woman happy............ .. A man only needs to be
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes




&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

[olinda]

NOW YOUR IMEI NUMBER..


Would like to know your mobile is original or not !!!




Type # 6 0 # *



After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:



43 4 5 6 610 67 8 9 4 3 5



IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on Emirates which is very Bad quality



IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 08 or 80 that mean it 's manufactured in Germany which is not bad



IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 01 or 10 that mean it 's manufactured in Finland which is Good



IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 00 that mean it 's manufactured in France which is the best Mobile Quality..................... Try it .....................



In NOKIA only



*#92702689# -- it will show date of Purchase, Repaired, Manufactuing Date & Used hours



*#0000# -- Get Version of Mobile No

[olinda]

a man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
Allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their
School clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

Voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!

[robert]

that was wonderfull and can be applied as a nice joke !!!
but i belive that not all the people in this world think like this !!!!
there are someone who hate there parent (( whit any personal reasons )) and some one else that its necceserry for them to visit their parent several times week and cant foget the the love to their parents!!
so you can see that ideas are different

[behnam karami]

this works are very hard:19:

so i don't want to make any woman happy:31:

[DoNkHoWaN]

HE Man IN Not Woman BUt IM Happy

((=


-

[olinda]

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?

There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese Legend...
Thumb represents your Parents
Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
Middle finger represents your-Self
Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
& the Last (Little) finger represents your children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them together - back to back
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip
(As shown in the figure below):
file:///D:/finger/ShowLetter_files/ShowLetter.gif ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.
Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children)...., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse).
You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!!

Please try this out.............
ISN'T THIS A LOVELY THEORY?

[*yutab*]

thanks for writing this lovely theory
i was really surprised after reading it

[olinda]

thank you for considration

[olinda]

WHY COFFEE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN?

1. You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
2. Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream in it.
3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
4. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
5. You can always warm coffee up.
6. Coffee comes with endless refills.
7. Coffee is cheaper.
8. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.
9. Coffee never runs out.
10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.
14. You can grind out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
15. Coffee smells and tastes good.
16. You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.
17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
18. You can always get fresh coffee.
19. You can put coffee on, leave the room, and it'll be ready when you get
back.
20. They sell coffee at police stations.
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] [ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[olinda]

21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
22. Coffee goes down easier.
23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter.
26. Your coffee doesn't talk to you.
27. Coffee smells good in the morning.
28. Coffee is good when it's cold too.
29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.
30. Coffee doesn't care when you dunk things in it.
31. Coffee doesn't really care what kind of mood you're in.
32. Coffee doesn't shed.
33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
34. You can't get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
35. Coffee doesn't mind being ground.
36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
37. Coffee doesn't have a time of the month...it's good all the time.
38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
39. When you have a coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your
throat.
40. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[olinda]

41. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide you want some.
42. INSTANT COFFEE!
43. You can have an intelligent conversation over coffee.
44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.
45. Coffee doesn't mind sleeping on its wet spot
46. You can pickup some coffee at a 7/11 any hour of the night
47. Having a cup of coffee wakes you up instead of putting you to sleep
48. You can put your lips to a cup of coffee without buying it dinner first
49. Coffee doesn't require hours of diddling foreplay. It's served hot.
50. A hot woman spilled on your lap isn't worth $4 Million.
51. You can get coffee out of a machine, and press a few buttons to get it
just the way you like it.
52. Even prisoners are allowed to have coffee
53. You don't have to tell coffee you love it.
54. Coffee doesn't ride the brakes in your Porsche
55. You don't have to be beautiful or rich to get a fresh cup every morning
56. A cup of coffee doesn't require a line to pick up
57. A friend will buy you a donut AND a coffee
58. There's always coffee to be had
59. Coffee doesn't expect you to maintain its vehicle
60. Great coffee only costs a buck more than the cheap stuff
61. Your coffee won't be jealous of a larger cup.
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

[olinda]

Before the marriage :


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.


She: Do you want me to leave?


He: NO! Don't even think about it.


She: Do you love me?


He : Of course!


She: Have you ever cheated on me?


He: NO! Why you even asking?


She: Will you kiss me?


He: Yes!


She: Will you hit me?


He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!


She: Can I trust you?


He: Yes.


She : Dear !!




Now after the marriage (
you can read it from below to up !

[arman50cent]

British/North American Vocabulary

Here are some of the main differences in vocabulary between British and North American English.
BritishCanadianAmericananywhere anywhereanyplace autumn autumn/fallfall barrister lawyerattorney beeper, pagerpagerbeeperbill (restaurant)billcheckbiscuit cookiecookie block of flatsapartment blockapartment buildingbonnet hoodhood boot (of car) trunk (of car) trunk (of automobile) car carautomobile caravan trailertrailer chemist drugstoredrugstore chest of drawersdresserbureauchipsFrench fries/chipsFrench frieschocolate barchocolate barcandy barthe cinema moviesthe movies clothes pegclothes pegclothespincoffincoffincasketcondom condomrubber crisps potato chipspotato chips crossroads intersectionintersection cupboard cupboardcloset cutlerycutlerysilverwarediversion diversion, detourdetour drawing-pin thumbtackthumbtack driving licencedriver's licencedriver's licensedummy (for babies) sootherpacifier dustbin garbage can, trash canashcan, garbage can, trashcan dustman garbagemangarbage collector engine enginemotor estate agent real estate agentrealtor film moviemovie flat apartmentapartment flat tyre flat tireflat flyover overpassoverpass galoshesgaloshestoe rubbersgear-lever gearshiftgearshift Girl GuideGirl GuideGirl Scoutground floor ground floor, main floorfirst floor handbag handbagpurseholiday holidayvacation jamjamjellyjeansjeansblue jeansjug jugpitcher lift elevatorelevator lorry trucktruck luggageluggagebaggagemad crazycrazy main road main road, main thoroughfarehighway maize corncorn maths mathmath mobile (phone)cellular phonecellularmotorbikemotorbike, motorcyclemotorcyclemotorway highway, thoroughfarefreeway, expressway motorway freewayfreeway napkinserviette, table napkinnapkinnappy diaperdiaper naughts and crossestick-tack-toetic-tack-toepants shortsshorts pavement sidewalk, pavementsidewalk petrol gas, gasolinegas, gasoline The PloughBig DipperBig Dipperpocket moneypocket moneyallowancepost mail, postmail postbox mailbox, post-boxmailbox postcodepostal codezip codepostman mailman, letter carriermailman pub bar, pubbar public toilet bathroomrest room puncture flatflat railway railwayrailroad return (ticket) returnround-trip reverse charge collect call, reverse the chargescall collect ring roadring roadbeltwayroad surface road surface, asphaltpavement roundabout roundabouttraffic circle rubber erasereraser rubbish garbage, trash, refusegarbage, trash rubbish-bin garbage can, trashcangarbage can, trashcan saloon (car) sedan (car)sedan (automobile) shop shop, storestore single (ticket) one-way (ticket)one-way solicitor lawyerattorney somewhere somewheresomeplace spanner wrenchwrench spiritsspiritshard liquorsweets candy, sweetscandy tap (indoors) tap (indoors) faucet tap (outdoors) tap (outdoors)spigot taxi taxicab tea-towel dish-towel dish-towel telly, TVTVTVthird-party insurancethird-party insuranceliability insurancetimetable scheduleschedule tin tin cancan toll motorway toll highwayturnpike torch flashlightflashlight trousers pantspants tube (train) subway, metro subway underground (train) subway, metrosubway underpants shortsshorts van trucktruck vest undershirtundershirt waistcoat vestvest wallet walletbillfold wellington boots rubber bootsrubbers whiskywhisky, scotchwhiskey, scotchwindscreen windshield windshield zip zipper zipper

[olinda]

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER...


This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients
always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m,
regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to
do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down
to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on next Sunday
morning few minutes before 11 a.m.
all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding
wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off
evil........

Just when the! clock struck 11...

and then......

then.....


then........


Santa Singh (SARDAR) , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and
Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

[olinda]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..

[olinda]

---- RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered,"You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

[olinda]

What is the difference between men and women?


1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.


[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

[olinda]

فرق زنان با مردان (روابط)
Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers
to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis".
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her
girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she
will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up,
at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let
you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and
you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for
us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that
99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that
offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely
prove effective.

فرق دخترا با پسرا(بلوغ)
Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading
baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This
is why high school romances rarely work.



فرق زنان با مردان (کمدی)
Comedy:

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television,
and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will
get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the
actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eys
and groan and wait it out.

فرق زنان با مردان (دستخط)
Handwriting
:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot
their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large
loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note
from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face
at the end of the note.



فرق زنان با مردان (حمام)
Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

[olinda]

فرق زنان با مردان (روزنامه)
Magazines:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's
magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because
the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is
hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

فرق زنان با مردان (بقالی)
Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store
and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his
fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes
grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a
man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that
the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not
stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

فرق زنان با مردان (بیرون رفتن)
Going out:

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go
out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be
ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes
putting on her makeup...



Cats:گربه ها
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
.

[olinda]

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are
ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny
surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.

Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.
Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages,
and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches
in garages.

Movies:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien
Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind".
For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's
face in "Public Enemy".

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry.
A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than
that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated
emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of
the changes varies with the individual.
Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses,
a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a
Porsche.

[olinda]

The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to
send short messages to other people.
A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home,
she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Low Blows:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of
the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must
hurt." The man doubles over and
actually feels pain.

Directions:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings,
she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this
to be a sign of weakness.
Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle
for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found
a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize
that White Hen store".

Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.
The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is ---- in a dangerous way.
Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works
at the health club and dates only married women.

.

[olinda]

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A
man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will
dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is
because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a *man*.
The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere.
This is another reason why men hate him.

David Letterman:
Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth.
Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4,000 for
state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography
classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up
taking better pictures.

Politics:
Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things
such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is
growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign
for them and cry on election night.

[olinda]

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as
well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker room--***. And not in abstract
terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and THEY NEVER LIE.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were
hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he
is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside
out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the
laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the
laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, ----, fresh, and all-American.
Male cheerleaders are scary.

Socks
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.
Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have
pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11
or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys.
As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical.
Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated
juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails
on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least
six "D" batteries to operate.

Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man
waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment
full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt
Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names
like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames.
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch,
they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.
But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut
Brain and Useless. __________________

.
.

[pedram_ashena]

Pearls of Wisdom
"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over
50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

Your friends love you anyway.

[olinda]

Five (5) lessons about the way we treat people.




1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor
gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student
and had breezed through the questions until I read
the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the
cleaning woman several times. She was tall,
dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question
blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if
the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers,
you will meet many people. All are significant. They
deserve your attention and care, even if all you do
is smile and say "hello."

[olinda]

- Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American
woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway
trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had
broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally
unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his
address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A
special note was attached.

It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my
clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying
husband's bedside just before he passed away... God
bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving
others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.
. ________

[olinda]

Third Important Lesson - Always remember those -3
who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and
sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in
front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and
studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the
waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on
the table and walked away The boy finished the ice
cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress
came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the
table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn' t have the sundae, because he had
to have enough left to leave her a tip.

[olinda]

4- Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping! the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he finally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

. __

[olinda]

Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts... 5

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a
hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who
was suffering from a rare &serious disease. Her only
chance of recovery appeared to be a blood
transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had
miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the
illness. The doctor explained the situation to her
little brother, and asked the little boy if he would
be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a
deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will
save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in
bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his
face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the
doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his
sister all of his blood in order to save her.
.

[olinda]

Banta singh letter to billgates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab . We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

> 1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

> 2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

> 3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

> 4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' and has ran upto Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

> 5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

> 6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

> 7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

> 8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

> 9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta Singh

[pedram_ashena]

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13. Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's "*** Machine."
16. Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19. Address students as "worm".
20. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
22. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
23. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
24. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
25. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
26. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
27. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.
28. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
29. Growl constantly and address students as "matey".
30. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove".
31. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.
32. Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
33. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
34. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
35. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
36. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
38. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
39. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
40. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
41. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".
42. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
43. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
44. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
45. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
46. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
47. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
48. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
49. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I picked up in the field".
50. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

[Hamyion]

Before the marriage :


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.


She: Do you want me to leave?


He: NO! Don't even think about it.


She: Do you love me?


He : Of course!


She: Have you ever cheated on me?


He: NO! Why you even asking?


She: Will you kiss me?


He: Yes!


She: Will you hit me?


He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!


She: Can I trust you?


He: Yes.


She : Dear !!




Now after the marriage (
you can read it from below to up !



Hi dear Olinda
ThanX alot for your funny passage. we've waited for more

[nazli4122]

alwaye hope for the best
dont let go of hope
hope gives you the strenth
to keep going
when you feel like giving up
dont ever quit believing in yourself
as long as you believe you can
you will have a reason for trying
dont let any one hold your happiness in their hands
hold it in yours
so it will always be within your reach
dont measure success or failure by material wealth
but by how you feel
our feelings determine the richness of our lives
dont let bad moments overcome you
be patiet and they will pass

[olinda]

برگزیده ترین ایمیل سال از نظر زنان

[sise]

فرق زنان با مردان (حمام)
Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

really interesting [ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[olinda]

..


when you were 1 years old,she fed you and bathed you .
you thanked her by crying all night long.



when you were 2 years old ,she taught you to walk.


you thanked her by running away when she called

when you were 3 years old ,she made all your meals with love.
you thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

when you were 4 years old,she gave you some crayons.
you thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

when you were 5 years old,she dressed you for the holidays.
you thanked her by plopping in to the nearest.

when you were 6 years old,she walked you to school.
you thanked her by screaming,I,M NOT GOING.

when you were 7 years old ,she bought you a baseball.
you thanked her by trowing it through the next -door neighbor,s windows.

when you were 8 years old ,she handed you an icecream .
you thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

when you were 9 years old,she paid for piano lessons .
you thanked her by neer een bothering to practice.

.

[olinda]

when you were 10 years old ,shr drove you all day from soccer to gymnastic to one birth day party after another.
you thanked her by jumping out of the car and looking back.

when you were 11 years old,she took you and your friends to the movies.
you thanked by asking to siting a diffrent row.

when you were 12 years old,she warned you not to watch certain tv show.
you thanked her by waitting until she left the house.

when you were 13 years old,she suggested a haircut.
you thankedher by telling her she had no taste.

when you were 14 years old,she paid for a month away at summer camp.
you thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.

when you were 15 years old,she came home from work,looking for a hug.
you thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

[olinda]

when you were 16 years old,she taught you how to drive her car.
you thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

when you were 17 years old,she was expecting an important call
you thanked her by being on the phone all night.

when you were 18 years old,she ried at your high school graduation.
you thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

when you were 19 years old,she paid for your olleg tuitian,drove you to ampus arried your bags.
you thanked her by saying good-bye out side the dorm so you wouldn,t be embarrased in front of your friends.

when you were 20 years old,she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
you thanked her by saying,it,s none of your business .

[olinda]

when you were 21 years old,she suggested certain careers for your future .
you thanked her by saying ,i don,t want to be like you.

when you were 22 years old,she hugged you at your college graduation.
you thanked her by asking whether she ccould pay for a trip to Europe.

when you were 23 years old,she gae you furniture for your first apartment.
you thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

when you were 24 years old,she met your financee and asked about your plans for the future.
you thanked her by glaring and growling Muuhh-ther,pleas!

when you were 25 years old ,she helped to pay for your wedding,and she ccried and told you how deeply she loved you.
you thanked her by moving half way across the country.

[olinda]

when you were 30 years old,she called with some advice on the baby.
you thanked her by telling her Things are diffrent now.

when you were 40 years old ,she called to remind you of a relative's birthday .
you thanked her by saying you were "really bussy" right now.

when you were 50years old,she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
you thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.


and then one day,she quietly died and ever thing you never.

did came crashing down like thunder on your HEART.

if she still around,never forget to love her more than ever.

and if she,s not,remember her un conditional love and pass it on --------always remember to love thy mother because you only have one mother in your life time!!!!!!!!

[olinda]

------------------------------------------------------------------------- PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a nar row bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

[olinda]

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

[olinda]

Few Definitions School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Father : A banker provided by nature.Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc ..: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

[olinda]

Read and identify own personal irritant

1. I’m driving and she’s irritated at the car in front, she screams and shouts and leans over to press the hooter. One time it was this old bullet driving at 40km/h and it gave him such a fright he got out in the middle of the road ready to let me have it.

2. She forgets to lock her car at night or leaves the sunroof open, so I have to go out in the cold to check it every time she remembers in the middle of the night.

3. My girlfriend never checks her blind spots, hardly ever indicates and is a complete law unto herself when interpreting road signs.

4. She wants to be the navigator but she gets us lost every single time we go away on a long-distance drive.

5. She gets grumpy when I hoot or shout (or pull zap signs in extreme cases) at drivers acting like wankers on the road. It is important (to me) that I be allowed to act like a school prefect on the road.

6. She never offers to drive, ever.

7. After she drives my car I have to do the full lotus to get into the seat that is now two inches from the windscreen and the rear view mirror points to the back seat.

8. She falls asleep on the way back from the Magaliesberg and wakes up just as we’re arriving back at home after a five-hour drive in holiday traffic. She’s now all perky, wants to play and can’t understand why I’m tired and irritable.

At a restaurant I can’t stand it when…


9. We’re offered the wine list at a restaurant, she leaves the choice of wine up to me, but as I’m about to order she steals the wine list and makes the decision.


10. My wife is a local ‘personality’ and every time we go to
a restaurant for an intimate, romantic evening she spends about an hour table-hopping and air-kissing while I sit there like a lemon.

[olinda]

11. My babe can never make up her mind at a restaurant so I make a suggestion. She takes it and then when the food arrives her food always looks more palatable than mine.


12. We go to an incredibly expensive restaurant and she orders the most expensive thing on the menu – which is fine –then she has one or two forkfuls and says she’s no longer hungry.


13. I ask if she wants a bottle of wine. She says ‘yes’ enthusiastically but only takes about three sips while I chug back the rest. Then she complains that I’m completely plastered.14. You’re trying to watch the golf and she insists on telling you about the latest gossip at work with all the actions. Yet when the TV is off she’s as silent as a lamb.

15. The schmaltzy, pathetic and predictable romantic videos she always chooses and then, to add insult to injury, how she challenges me to watch them I thought you were a new-age man?”

16. I hate the way she tries to justify that arty movies or romances are better than skop, skiet and donder.

17. Why is it that I’m the one who pays for the DSTV, yet whenever I want to relax in front of the Discovery Channel, she’s busy watching Carlton Food Network?

18. We go to the movies, I ask her if she wants popcorn, she doesn’t – then eats all my popcorn during the movie and complains that we should have got a bigger box.

19. She cries during Isidingo!

20. I hate how she doesn’t appreciate any sport and still can’t differentiate one-day cricket from test match cricket or Rugby League from Rugby Union.

[olinda]

21. She has to suddenly start tidying up the lounge table, stands directly in front of me, just when the final over of a cricket match, or a penalty shoot-out in soccer, or a scrum right on the try-line in rugby, is taking place.

22. My babe insists on having burglar bars on every door, window and other orifice and then walks into the house leaving the keys hanging in the front door.

23. She insists on buying two of everything, just in case. Our cupboards look like a Makro warehouse.

24. She’s always in such a rush that she forgets to put the answering machine on when she leaves.

25. She turns over and says “Just another five minutes” and then gets into a flat spin when she’s late for work.

26. She loves to ‘tidy’ the house while I’m away on business, which, loosely translated, means throwing out everything she doesn’t like of mine ie. my old Springbok match programmes.

27. Every time I go out – even just to get the paper, she feels compelled to re-arrange the flat and then she gets irritated when I can’t find the baby’s socks. I spend my life in a perpetual state of not knowing where anything is.

28. She never bothers to put the CD back in the conveniently positioned CD cover, she’d much rather put it face-down on the other ones she’s just listened to, leaving me to sort it out later. At which point she will trill, “Why are you always fiddling with your CDs?”

29. She has a problem with knocking things over (or should that be doesn’t have a problem with knocking things over) – which is fine – except that she still balances her mug on her knee while reading, puts a glass on the floor right next to the couch, puts 55 percent of the plate on the table edge etc.

30. She insists on wearing her mother’s old ‘passion-killer’ flannel pyjamas despite my assurances that I’ll ‘keep her warm’ in bed.

[olinda]

31. I hate it when she drags me around linen shops on a Saturday morning then spends Saturday night painting her toenails in bed. Dropping huge blobs of nail varnish on the
new sheets. Duh! And then being in a black mood for the
rest of the weekend.

32. She always leaves a wet towel on my side of the bed in the morning so that in the evening my side is soaking and I have to dry it with a hairdryer before I can get in.

33. She is a much colder sleeper than I am and when I move around at night I get clipped around the ear for ‘making cold air’ under the duvet.

34. I hate the way my chick moans about how I fart in bed, but doesn’t mind that the dog runs around in the garden stepping in it’s own doo-doo and then invites it up on to the bed at night to cuddle up.

35. The way she always leaves the bedroom cupboards open, and when I ask her to close them she petulantly kicks them closed.

36. When she doesn’t want to have ***, instead of saying she’s not in the mood, she launches into some arbitrary, nonsensical monologue about redecorating the lounge or moving the washing machine, as soon as I make my first move.

37. When we first started dating she couldn’t wait to get me into the sack and wore fancy frilly underwear. Now I have to literally arm-wrestle her into bed and it takes me 40 minutes to get through her 75 layers of very un-trendy ‘sleepwear’.

38. My babe ALWAYS leaves a make-up bag in the wash-basin in the downstairs bathroom.

39. She leaves those see-through tampon wrappers lying on the bathroom sink top. They’re everywhere!

40. She always uses my razor to shave her legs and under her arms, without telling me and then laughs at all the bits of tissue paper on my bloody face.

[olinda]

41. I hate it when she dumps ear buds, tampon wrappers, cotton wool balls and sweet wrappers down the toilet bowl and then wonders why the drain is blocked.

42. Leaves bits of make-up in the basin, after using the above-basin mirror when applying it.

43. I hate how she’s allowed to squeeze my pimples, but won’t let me go anywhere near hers.

44. She always hogs the bathroom in the morning and I must wait for her to finish her hair, face, eyebrows etc, before I can enter it. At least I get to sleep in later.

45. The time it takes her to buy a dress. She knows her size, the colour and style she likes – just walk in, take it off the shelf and pay for it. Why does it take three hours?

46. She consoles our son when I’ve just given him a good hiding for throwing a tantrum.

47. When we first met, she loved my funky shirts and faded jeans, but now she doesn’t like the ‘trendy’ look and when I buy clothes she prefers more casual or traditional stuff.

48. She wears hipster pants that show her belly button. Okay, so they look great at first, but then they inevitably slip down enough to show a hint of a G-string. Not that great.

49. I get my favourite magazines by subscription, including overseas ones, and just when I’m settling down to read on a lazy Sunday afternoon, she whips them away saying they look much more interesting than her lot.

50. She stands in front of her cupboard for hours saying “I’ve got nothing to wear, can I borrow something of yours?” And then she proceeds to fall in love with something and I never see it again.

[olinda]

51. Deliberately flirting with every loser in town just to make me irritated and jealous.

52. She knows I’m running late for a meeting with a friend or a soccer match etc, but as I’m about to run out of the door, she sheepishly asks if she can come with me. If I say ‘No’ she wants to know why you never include her – which could take about a decade to explain, and if I say ‘Yes’ I have to wait for her to get dressed etc. No-win situation.

53. My wife expects me to be friendly with her male colleagues, former varsity chums etc, but she can’t stand to meet any of my female work mates, ex-school or university friends, and definitely no women from my past. I introduce her to someone and it’s the complete brush-off.

54. I hate how she starts to get ready to go out an hour before I get into the shower and when I am ready to go, she still makes me wait at least another 30 minutes.

55. The way my babe uses the words ‘always’ and ‘never’ when reprimanding me for my bad behaviour – I am sometimes a good boy!

56. Her use of the royal ‘we’. She goes around the house saying, “We need to fix the lightbulb and we need to paint the steps and we need to clean out the gutters.” What she really means is me.

57. The way my babe blatantly accepts free drinks from guys all night, but then wants to be considered independent and unattainable.

58. I hate it when my babe collects all the used Christmas and birthday wrapping paper and puts it in a neat pile, carefully removes the sticky tape and saves it for next Christmas, but she still buys new stuff every year.

59. I hate the way my chick tells me she’s going to book club once a month, cooking classes twice a month, pottery classes twice a week and then complains when I play golf one Sunday per month.

60. That she is irritated that I didn’t phone her, but she was on the Internet all morning and ‘accidentally’ left her cell phone off.

[olinda]

61. She spends our last R500 on clothes, a week before pay day.

62. She has to spend R350 on her hair every month, while mine costs R40.

63. Two hours after she has washed up (seldom), I go to the sink and it has cold, greasy water still in it and when I bark at her I’m met with “I’m leaving it in just in case something else needs washing, rather then running a new sink of water.”

64. She stuffs all the Sunday newspapers in the kitchen bin and then turns around and shouts “The bin needs emptying.”

65. Instead of scraping the plate into a bin, she washes the leftovers off plates into the sink. Guess who has to dig the glutinous mass out of the plug hole? Who’d have thought that a whole carrot and some brussel sprouts won’t go down a plug hole?

66. Whenever she makes tea she always leaves the tea-bag on the counter when the bin is only an arm’s length away.

67. I love my babe’s cooking and I’m more than happy to do the washing up, but it drives me crazy when she leaves all the food on the stove overnight. Surely the food is the cook’s responsibility?

68. She is obsessed with cleanliness but then she always puts the germ-ridden dustpan and brush on top of the kitchen counter where we cut and chop the food.

69. The way she insists on washing the pots under running warm water BEFORE she sits down to eat, even though the food has already been dished. So I have to wait for her before I can eat.

70. The way my babe will make a sandwich (without asking if I want one) and leave everything on the counter for someone else (usually me) to clean up.

[olinda]

71. She will take the rubbish to the outside bin in the pouring rain rather than cleaning out the kitchen bin.

72. The way my babe eats food that she knows is bad for her, then she gets miserable for days because she thinks she’s fat.

73. The way my babe sometimes uses the dish towel – rather than a cloth – to wipe the mess on the kitchen counter. Sis, man!

74. The way my babe ‘collects’ glasses of water on her bedside table and there are never any in the kitchen cupboard.

75. When making coffee/tea, she always manages to spill a bit, leaving a ring on the counter top that has to be scrubbed off at a later stage. By me.

76. I love to cook and when I do I need to taste what I’m preparing. But every time I put the spoon down she whisks it away and throws it into the sink.

77. When making coffee/tea, despite using only one teaspoon of sugar, she still stirs the contents about 150 million times.

78. She doesn’t take sugar, and on the rare occasion that she makes the tea, she remembers to put my sugar in but forgets to stir it so I have to go back downstairs to the kitchen.

79. She has that last sip of milk from the bottle before dashing off to work, leaving lipstick on the rim and putting the empty bottle back in the fridge.

80. How she organises home-made sandwiches for me for the day, but she uses our joint Woolworths
card to get herself lunch.

[olinda]

81. My babe remembers every word said in an argument we had six months ago. Yet I can’t remember what happened yesterday.

82. Her inopportune times to have discussions on the state of the relationship. Like the minute the golf or rugby starts, or as you get back from a massive night out, or my worst, when you wake up hung-over on a Sunday and all you want is the Sunday papers.

83. Her insistence that she never farts, but I know that the moment I leave the house, she lets rip and the dog passes out.

84. I hate the interrogation process you go through when you’ve been away for anything more than a couple of days. You have to remember every meal you had, where you went, what you did, who you saw, what you talked about, and if there is the slightest discrepancy in your story the next day, the process starts all over. You can’t say “Went for dinner with Wendy and Tom, got home at 11.” It’s “What did you have, where did you go, who’s Wendy, is she pretty, did you have any drinks, did you go anywhere afterwards, what did you do when you got back to the hotel, why didn’t you call when you said you would?”

85. When we met we eyed each other across the dance floor at 3am. She told her friends she’d really met her man – a charming party animal. Now, if I raise the idea of boogying, she calls me a ‘lecherous perv’.

86. The way my babe thinks that I go to boozy late-night after-work functions purely for my pleasure – this is hard work.

87. If I ask her if something is wrong the response is always the same: “You should know what is bothering me.” Hey, at least I had the intuition to know that something was wrong, now I’m supposed to know what it is? Go figure.

88. I hate when she tells me what to wear to any meeting or engagement.

89. My wife insists on wanting to discuss certain ‘serious domestic issues’ while I am reading the Sunday Times. This is definitely two hours of ‘my’ time.

90. The fact that retail therapy for the missus equates to me paying for the plumber or the electrician.

[olinda]

91. Not being allowed to stare at her naked because she feels she doesn’t look good.

92. She expects me to go to her house after work and sit through nauseating meals with her know-it-all mother who knows nothing about anything.

93. The way that she disapproves publicly of my choice of clothing. Every time I buy something on my own, she hates it and turns her nose up at it. She only likes what she chooses.

94. She’s always right. She will never admit that I am right in an argument or debate. If I am right she simply walks away from the discussion.

95. My babe pervs over Brad Pitt’s body but gets upset when I go to gym because I’m “only thinking of myself and not spending enough time with her”.

96. My babe has hormones to blame on her four-day sulking sprees. And then when she comes to me on the fifth day, all doe-eyed, I’m supposed to just understand that it was premenstrual tension.

97. My girlfriend always complains about her body and then convinces me and herself that she’s motivated to watch what she eats. Next thing I know she’s ordering cheese cake.

98. I can’t stand the way women have double standards. You do something wrong and then it’s big lecture time, but then she does exactly the same thing and says it’s different.

99. Why does bookclub have a nobility rating greater than a night out with the boys? Both occasions involve wine and bullshitting with your mates. Coming home late from book club smelling of booze is the same as me tripping over the dog at 4am.

100. Why smile and giggle through an evening with friends and turn into a violent bitch when we get home. If I’ve done something to offend you early on in the evening, give me some sort of signal.

101. Don’t get all steamy on the couch and just before the big bang, absent-mindedly announce that this is your most fertile day of the month – if there is no protection its easy for you to go back to watching television. We have a little trouble getting comfy with half the wood in China expecting a logging off.

[olinda]

An iranian handsome boy immigrated to USA speaking almost no English but thanks to his good look soon found a nice blond ,beautiful girlfriend .
Once after dinner , she asked for the recipe of the AAsh cooked by his mother .His translation of the ingredients from Persian to English follows :

My dear my mother put in this Iranian soup :
- yellow wood (zard chobeh )
- Indian stamp (tamre hendi)
- Wet blood( tar khon )
- Flower of a cow's tongue (gole gav zaboon)
.
.
.
.
.
sometime later when their relationship was going down the drain, He said to her " Look, I very very love you
or come and run with me to marry or please light my homework . . . .
( ya bia ba ham farar konim ya taklife mano roshan kon )

So long

[olinda]

Water Drop
If a drop of water falls on lake, it loses its identity;
If it falls on a rose, it shines;
If it falls on a shell, it becomes a pearl;
The drop is the same, but the company matters.
.

[ali80]

So beautiful THANK YOU:12::12::12::12::12:

[olinda]

.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

A shrimp's heart is in their head.

When you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

In the study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand or attempted to do so.

In the United States alone, there is a lawsuit every 30 seconds.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Rats and horses can't vomit

[olinda]

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

If the U.S. government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

Forty percent of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

[olinda]

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

100% of all lottery winners gain weight.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

160 cars can drive side by side on the Monumental Axis in Brazil, the world's widest road.

[olinda]

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

and last but not least...

Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbows!
.

[Asalbanoo]

hi buddy
would you see this thread**Do You Know That**

([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

thanks

[olinda]

T he B e st Mo m e nt s I n L ife


1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.
4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.
6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel.
7. Passing your final exams with good grades.
8. Being part of an interesting conversation.
9. Finding some money in some old pants.
10. Laughing at yourself.
11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.
12. Laughing without a reason.
13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you.
14. Watching the sunset.
15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life.
16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.
17. Feeling this movement in your body when seeing this "special" someone.
18. Having a great time with your friends.
19. Seeing the one you love happy.
20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume.
21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories.
22. Hearing someone telling you "I LOVE YOU"

[Just Plain Marjan]

Interesting! but MY best moment in life was neither of these. it was when I found out that I CAN actually be of some use:20: end

[olinda]

.

A cat doesn't know what a remote control is.

A cat loves you until it dies.

You don't have to tell your cat you love it - it knows you do.

A cat likes to be petted, anywhere, anytime.

Cats don't expect breakfast in the morning.

Cats don't ly, quibble, argue, pout.

Everything you do is interesting.

Cats need little space, a sunny spot in the window will do.

Cats don't smoke, drink, do drugs.

You don't have to tell a cat it's pretty.

A cat doesn't care if you haven't shaved for two days.

A cat doesn't want to borrow money from you.

Cats love to scrap bills and taxforms.

You don't need to buy your cat expensive presents on it's birthday.

You don't need to buy your cats mother expensive presents on her birthday.

[olinda]

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow. -- Jeff Valdez

You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat
.
Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you.

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wright

Letting sleeping dogs lie, sleeping cats fry. - Me 90
MEOW...SPLAT...RUFF...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)

The dog needs the high grass so he can hide from the neighborhood cats. -- Men's Health, on how to get out of mowing the lawn

You burp, and guys think it's adorable. You puke, and they fight to hold your hair back. -- The Truth about Cats and Dogs

Women and cats do as they dammed well please, and men and dogs had best learn to live with it.

[olinda]

EASY ....... DIFFICULT

Easy is to get a place is someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.
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Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
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Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
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Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
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Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
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Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
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Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
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Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
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Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...
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Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
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Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...
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Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
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Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...
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Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
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Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
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Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
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Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...
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Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
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Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
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Easy to read this
Difficult to follow
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Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings.

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[•*´• pegah •´*•]

i think my mom is the best because she is always there for me whenever i need her

[Carl]

خیلی جالب بود و ...... ممنون :11:

[•*´• pegah •´*•]

its such a great topic
made me think about them
thanx a lot

[sise]

Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings

greeeeeeeeeeeeeat!

[AB]

Adorable topic

[*yutab*]

that was a nice topic

thanks a lot dear friend.

[علیرضا]

Cute & Factual
thanks Olinda !!!

ps
Nice daughter you have !!!

[علیرضا]

:27::27::27:
so funny !!
I like being in such misunderstandings caused by lack of a good foreign language
( hal mide yaroo ro sare kar bezari !!!!!)

[علیرضا]

that`s the sentence I`m using everyday recently:
everybody has his own thoughts
everybody has his own beliefs
everybody has his own aim

and then I say...

try not to inject yours into ones mind

[shahrzad2006]

LET'S PICK ON MEN INSTEAD OF BLONDES...

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook - they eat. We clean - they dirty. We iron - they wrinkle.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your
masterpiece.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

[olinda]

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While
on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked
"Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.

"Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most
of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.



While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43
years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you ."

[pedram_ashena]

The deathbed can lead people to speak with great honesty and, in many cases, humor. This is a list of 20 last words by famous people.

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

1. Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose.

Said by: Queen Marie Antoinette after she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner as she went to the guillotine.

2. I can’t sleep

Said by: J. M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan

3. I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.

Said by: Humphrey Bogart

4. I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.

Said by: Dominique Bouhours, famous French grammarian

5. I live!

Said by: Roman Emperor, as he was being murdered by his own soldiers.

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6. Dammit…Don’t you dare ask God to help me.

Said by: Joan Crawford to her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.

7. I am perplexed. Satan Get Out

Said by: Aleister Crowley - famous occultist

8. Now why did I do that?

Said by: General William Erskine, after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal in 1813.

9. Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries’!

Said by: James French, a convicted murderer, was sentenced to the electric chair. He shouted these words to members of the press who were to witness his execution.





10. Bugger Bognor.

Said by: King George V whose physician had suggested that he relax at his seaside palace in Bognor Regis.

11. It’s stopped.

Said by: Joseph Henry Green, upon checking his own pulse.

12. LSD, 100 micrograms I.M.

Said by: Aldous Huxley (Author) to his wife. She obliged and he was injected twice before his death.

13. You have won, O Galilean

Said by: Emperor Julian, having attempted to reverse the official endorsement of Christianity by the Roman Empire.

14. No, you certainly can’t.

Said by: John F. Kennedy in reply to Nellie Connally, wife of Governor John Connelly, commenting “You certainly can’t say that the people of Dallas haven’t given you a nice welcome, Mr. President.

15. I feel ill. Call the doctors.

Said by: Mao Zedong (Chairman of China)

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

16. Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here

Said by: Nostradamus

17. Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you’re fooling around!

Said by: Carl Panzram, serial killer, shortly before he was executed by hanging.

18. Put out the bloody cigarette!!

Said by: Saki, to a fellow officer while in a trench during World War One, for fear the smoke would give away their positions. He was then shot by a German sniper who had heard the remark.

19. Please don’t let me fall.

Said by: Mary Surratt, before being hanged for her part in the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln. She was the first woman executed by the United States federal government.

20. Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Said by: Voltaire when asked by a priest to renounce Satan.

[www.babakebadi.com]

I like to add:

When there is a will, there is a way

وقتي خواسته اي هست، حتما راهي هست.

[www.babakebadi.com]

Cognition and personality, these are the terms we shoud study more, in this way we can enjoy the differences and rule the common acts.

Regards

Ebadi

[robert]

An iranian handsome boy immigrated to USA speaking almost no English but thanks to his good look soon found a nice blond ,beautiful girlfriend .
Once after dinner , she asked for the recipe of the AAsh cooked by his mother .His translation of the ingredients from Persian to English follows :

My dear my mother put in this Iranian soup :
- yellow wood (zard chobeh )
- Indian stamp (tamre hendi)
- Wet blood( tar khon )
- Flower of a cow's tongue (gole gav zaboon)
.
.
.
.
.
sometime later when their relationship was going down the drain, He said to her " Look, I very very love you
or come and run with me to marry or please light my homework . . . .
( ya bia ba ham farar konim ya taklife mano roshan kon )

So long


wet blood???:31::31::31:
what a funny joke!!!!
i think this joke is produced by a clever person who has a good knowledge about both english and farsi language and of course he/she seems to be a lovely and happy guy!!!:46:

but remember that iranian people are more clever than those american ladies and know how to comunicate whit others
and also iranian boys dont prefer to speak about iranan food whit an american girl friend
specially in first meeting!!!:27:

[olinda]

wet blood???:31::31::31:
what a funny joke!!!!
i think this joke is produced by a clever person who has a good knowledge about both english and farsi language and of course he/she seems to be a lovely and happy guy!!!:46:

but remember that iranian people are more clever than those american ladies and know how to comunicate whit others
and also iranian boys dont prefer to speak about iranan food whit an american girl friend
specially in first meeting!!!:27:


Dear Robert :
ur right ,i,m agree with u he/she was a person with full Eng&Farsi such as you.
any how ur English is too full and that is good for our progressing in Eng
thanks..

[olinda]

[quote=علیرضا;1660638]
salam olinda jan !
baba chera narahat mishi ? manzoore man oon ghesmati hast ke pesare mohtaviate aash ro mikhad be zaboone Englisi bege !!
va manzooram az " sare kar gozashtane ye nafar " sare kar gozashtane dokhtar nist !
be khoda manzoore dige iy nadashtam...:41:
va be khoda man ta hala ba hich dokhtari ravabet nadashtam ke bekham iin harf ro bezanam:20:
please forgive me...:11:[/quote


salam aga Alireza:
aslan ham narahat nashodam fagat dar hade ye shokhi goftam .
na dokhtaram na to anjomane hemayat az dokhtarane Amricaii!.ke narahat besham

You,r Welcome.

[pedram_ashena]

205 FACTS

1. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

2. You share your birthday with at least 9 million people.

3. The Boston University Bridge is one of the few places in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.

4.5. Cats have over 100 vocal cord sounds. Dogs have about 10.

6. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

7. David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars; he spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know he would be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the film.

8. In every episode of Seinfeld, there is a Superman somewhere.

9. Montpeiler, Vermont is the only US state capital without a McDonald's.


10. No word in the English language rhymes with orange, month, silver or purple.

11. The cruise line, Queen Elizabeth II, moves six inches for each gallon of diesel it burns.

12. The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

13. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until 2-6 years of age.

14. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

15. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

16. The first toilet ever seen on television was on Leave It to Beaver.

17. Only one person in 2 billion will live to be 116 or older.

18. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

19. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour.

20. Humans, chimps, and dolphins are the only species that have *** for pleasure.

21. Human beings are the only animals with the ability to have *** facing each other. Creighton Smith (a primatologist) disagrees with this and he sent us proof click here ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Thanks Creighton !

22. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

23. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

24. Americans, on average, eat 18 acres of pizza every day combined.

25. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

26. Every time you lick a stamp, you are consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

27. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

28. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

29. Polar bears are always left handed.

30. Ants always fall over on their right side when intoxicated.

31. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

32. Butterflies taste with their feet.

33. Elephants are the only animal that can't jump.

34. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

35. Starfish don't have brains.

36. The average person eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

37. A rhinoceros's horn is made of compacted hair.

38. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896... Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

39. A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

40. Dueling is legal in Paraguay, as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

41. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

42. More people are killed by donkeys annually than in plane crashes.

43. Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump".

44. Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

45. If you keep a Goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

46. Women blink nearly twice as often as men.

47. Right handed people, on average, live 9 years longer than left handed people.

48. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

49. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

50. A snail can sleep for 3 years.

51. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

52. China has more English-speaking people than the United States.

53. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

54. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

55. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

56. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

57. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

58. There are more chickens than people in the world.

59. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

60. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

61. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. Gabriel Gabriel challenges this. She says, the flag on the Canadian 2 dollar bill isn't the American flag, its the union jack.....check it out with a good magnifying glass and you'll see.

62. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

63. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

64. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

65. Almonds are a member of the peach family.

66. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

67. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

68. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

69. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"

70. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

71. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

72. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

73. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

74. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

75. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.


76. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. David Buchan challenges this fact.
Article was on TV & published in "The Times" here in the UK on 1st October 2003 that they have a memory span of up to 3 months (& can tell the time!).


77. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

78. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

79. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

80. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

81. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

82. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

83. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

84. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

85. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

86. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.

87. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

88. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

89. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

90. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

91. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

92. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

93. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

94. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

95. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

96. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

97. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

98. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

99. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."

100. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

101. The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.

102. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

103. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

104. The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

105. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

106. Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.

107. Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

108. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

109. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

110. The sound of E.T walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.

111. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

112. Pearls melt in vinegar.

113. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

114. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

115. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

116. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.

117. Average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches.


118. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. Hold on!!! News Flash....this
just came in....an argument to this fact, thanks to one of our friends on the web who is checking out all of our facts to insure that we are telling the truth. Could we be wrong? (See link below) ....thanks aggieboy



119. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight
staircases.


120. Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal."


121. The second? William Jefferson Clinton.

122. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

123. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

124. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

125. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

126. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates *** by ripping the male's head off.

127. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

128. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

129. A cat's urine glows under a black light.

130. Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month? A. Conception.

131. Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show? A. No theme song.

132. Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace.

133. Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession

134. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to count until you found the letter "A"? A. One thousand

135. Q. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.

136. Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey

137. Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day

138. Q. What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic? A. He was allergic to carrots.

139. Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party? A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

140. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

141. Coca-Cola was originally green.

142. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

143. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear & smell better.

144. The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

145. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

146. The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

147. The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

148. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

149. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

150. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts -Charlemagne; Diamonds - Julius Caesar

151. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

152. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

153. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

154. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Faith Ann Gatcomb challenges this. She says, " "I am" cannot be the shortest sentence in the English language because commands with an understood noun are the shortest. For example, "Go!" is a possibility. It is a complete sentence."

155. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "The whole 9 yards."

156. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

157. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than our thumb.

158. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

159. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

160. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League Baseball's all-stars Game.

161. The nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosey" is a rhyme about the Black Plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the Rosey"), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("a pocket full of posies"). Furthermore, people who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").

162. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

163. The youngest Pope was 11 years old.

164. The first Novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer"

165. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on the one top row of the keyboard.

166. San Francisco Cable Cars are the only Mobile National Monuments.

167. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight".

168. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.

169. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

170. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.


171. In ancient England a person could not have *** unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having ***. The placard had F.*.*.*. ( Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that WORD came from. The Dan challenges this. He says,
I believe this to be, UNTRUE

In early American HIstory, the practice of placing a person in the STOCKS, was accompanied by a plaque placed above their heads, stating the reason this person is being punished. If a person stole a horse, the sign would read: Joe Smith is being punished For Stealing a Horse.

so, if a person had ***, with someone they weren't supposed to, it would read: Joe Smith is being punished For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, or F.U.C.K.


172. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden....and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

173. It is impossible to lick your elbow. One of our fans "Tyler" has told me that he has seen a girl do this that was double jointed.....hmm....I would have to see that to believe it ....

174. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

175. A shrimp's heart is in their head.

176. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second.

177. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).

178. It's physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

179. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit

180. Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.

181. On average, a human being will have *** more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.

182. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

183. Rats and horses can't vomit.

184. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

185. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

186. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

187. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

188. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

189. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

190. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16,1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

191. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

192. Most lipstick contains fish scales

193. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

194. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

195. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

196. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

197. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

198. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

199. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

200. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

201. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

202. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

203. There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.

204. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

205. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

[Niloofarak]

.................................................. ........................................Girls are like
apples on trees. The best.............................................. ................................
ones are at the top of the tree.............................................. ..........................
The boys don’t want to reach for............................................... ......................
the good ones because they are afraid............................................ ....................
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they.............................................. ................
just get the rotten apples from the ground............................................ ................
that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples............................................ ...............
at the top think something is wrong with.............................................. ...............
them, when in reality, they’re amazing........................................... ....................
They just have to wait for the right............................................. ......................
boy to come along, the one............................................... ...........................
who’s brave............................................. .............................................
to climb............................................. .................................................
all the way............................................... ............................................
to the top............................................... .............................................
of the tree.............................................. ...........................................o

[DiDiSks]

i think the girls are like potato im sorry saying that but this is a fact

[Arasp]

that was a nice comparison:20:

but can you compare a cat with a man as well?:31:


This is one of the nice songs of the king Elvis Presley,
you can find what you asked at the final stanza:

Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever thats so hard to bear

You give me fever when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever in the morning
Fever all through the night.

Evrybodys got the fever
That is something you all know
Fever isnt such a new thing
Fever started long ago

Sun lights up the daytime
Moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name
And you know Im gonna treat you right

You give me fever when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever in the morning
Fever all through the night

Romeo loved juliet
Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her
He said julie, baby, youre my flame
Thou giv-est fever when we kisseth
Fever with the flaming youth
Fever Im afire
Fever yea I burn for sooth

Captain smith and pocahantas
Had a very mad affair
When her daddy tried to kill him
She said daddy, o, dont you dare
He gives me fever with his kisses
Fever when he holds me tight
Fever, Im his misses,
Oh daddy, wont you treat him right

Now youve listened to my story
Heres the point that I have made
Cats were born to give chicks fever
Be it Fahrenheit or centigrade
They give you fever when you kiss them
Fever if you live and learn
Fever till you sizzle
What a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn
What a lovely way to burn

[StormWielder]

.................................................. ........................................Girls are like
apples on trees. The best.............................................. ................................
ones are at the top of the tree.............................................. ..........................
The boys don’t want to reach for............................................... ......................
the good ones because they are afraid............................................ ....................
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they.............................................. ................
just get the rotten apples from the ground............................................ ................
that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples............................................ ...............
at the top think something is wrong with.............................................. ...............
them, when in reality, they’re amazing........................................... ....................
They just have to wait for the right............................................. ......................
boy to come along, the one............................................... ...........................
who’s brave............................................. .............................................
to climb............................................. .................................................
all the way............................................... ............................................
to the top............................................... .............................................
of the tree.............................................. ...........................................o




So , I'm the bravest boy in the world

[ozza]

nice,thanx 4 sharing

[olinda]

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's
200 miles from here!"and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I
don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear"

[olinda]

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices
a compact on the sidewalk, and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. T he second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

[olinda]

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she
opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her
purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

[olinda]

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state
capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

[olinda]

FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

[olinda]

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her USA government class. The professor asked
Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That
was the decision George Washington had to make before
he crossed the Delaware"

[olinda]

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find
her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to
respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with
his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the
police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

[Balrog]

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of four through eight year olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love."

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs."

"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."

"Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired."

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

"Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."

"When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you’re scared they won’t love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more."

"There are two kinds of love: Our love and God’s love. But God makes both kinds of them."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore."

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."

"Love cards like Valentine’s cards say stuff on them that we’d like to say ourselves, but we wouldn’t be caught dead saying."

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you"

"You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

"God could have said magic words to make the nails fall off the cross, but He didn’t. That’s love."


-----------------------------------------------------
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]


◙

[olinda]

There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his
administrative assistant's face appears.

He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?" Mary answers instantly and with a smile!

The questioner is thoroughly impressed!!!

He asks, "What kind of a watch is that?"

"It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication," the gentleman explains. He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel's
brand new 128-bit chip with processor speed of 10 Gigahertz.

The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he could buy this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a heavy price and the cash
was handed immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it over and then walks away.

The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, "Sir, you forgot your suitcases."

The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours now.
They are the modems you always need to carry for your new watch.

[olinda]

young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I`m going to be honest of what I`m going to say here. I`m 25 this year. I`m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I`m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I`ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I`m here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I`ve met a few girls who doesn`t have looks and are not interesting,
but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

[olinda]

Here`s a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I`m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you`re trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there`s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can`t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It`s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
contact me…

signed,
J.P. Morgan

[Sec Expert]

How do you think we can say I love you if your mind has locked so read this
You can say it with a gift ,with a kiss, with a hug and a smile, you can say it with words or emotion or just by being there when someone is sad ,you can hold a hand or put yours on a shoulder or say it in the bed or on the street or shout it from a rooftop in the rain or in a cave and listen to the echoes or underwater and say it loudly so the whales can laugh or in a store and ignore the stares and you can just do it when you feel like it not when you are asked and asked and asked because it's better when it is spontaneous and you can write lots of words in a row and not use any punctuation and no one will notice because it is love

well I hope you liked that,actually it was from a friend, an old one=Copy and Paste:46:

[SPIRAL]

HIYA!!
Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth…

[heart land]

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

Styles of Art


[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
Artists used many styles in their paintings and drawings. Here are some of the more common styles of art. Learn about each style and how to identify it. Next time you look at a painting, try to figure out what style it is! To see some artwork done in the different styles, check out the Art By Kids page


THE STYLES ABOUT THE STYLES THE ARTISTS Abstract Abstract artists felt that paintings did not have to show only things that were recognizable. In their paintings they did not try to show people, animals, or places exactly as they appeared in the real world. They mainly used color and shape in their paintings to show emotions. Some Abstract art is also called Non-objective art. In non-objective art, you do not see specific objects. It is not painted to look like something specific. Sonia Delaunay
Jackson Pollock
Cubism Cubism is modern art made up mostly of paintings. The paintings are not supposed to look real The artist uses geometric shapes to show what he is trying to paint. Early cubists used mainly grays, browns, greens, and yellows. After 1914, Cubists started to use brighter colors. Cubism was the beginning of the Abstract and Non-objective art styles. Pablo Picasso ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Marc Chagall ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Georges Braque


Expressionism In Expressionist Art, the artist tries to express certain feelings about some thing. The artists that painted in this style were more concerned with having their paintings express a feeling than in making the painting look exactly like what they were painting. Marc Chagall ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Wassily Kandinsky
Ludwig Kirchner
Fauvism Fauvism was an art style that lasted only four years, beginning in 1905. The leader of this movement was Henri Matisse. The word Fauvism is french for "wild beasts". It got this name because the paintings had bright and unusual colors. The subjects in the paintings were shown in a simple way, and the colors and patterns were bright and wild. Henri Matisse ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Impressionism Impressionism was developed in France during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. These pieces of art were painted as if someone just took a quick look at the subject of the painting. The paintings were usually in bold colors and did not have a lot of detail. The paintings in this style were usually outdoor scenes like landscapes. The pictures were painted to look like they were shimmering. Claude Monet ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Mary Cassatt Pierre Auguste Renoir ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Camille Pissaro


Pointillism In Pointillism, the artist uses small dots or strokes of paint to make up the pictures. From far away, these dots blend together to form the picture and give the impression of different colors as they blend together. Paul Seurat Paul Signac
Pop Art Pop art can be any every day item that is drawn in a brash and colorful way. Pop Art is short for Popular Art. It is inspired by comic strips, advertising, and popular entertainment. Andy Warhol ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Roy Lichtenstein
Claes Oldenberg David Hockney
Postimpressionism Postimpressionism began in the 19th century. It was mainly still lifes and landscapes. The postimpressionists liked to use lots of colors and shadows. Vincent Van Gogh ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Paul Gauguin Paul Cezanne


Primitivism Primitive Art looks like art that is done by a child. Usually the picture is painted very simply, and the subjects are "flat", or two-dimensional. Paul Klee ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Henri Matisse ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Realism Realism is a type of art that shows things exactly as they appear in life. It began in the 18th century, but the greatest Realist era was in the mid-19th century. Most Realists were from France, but there were some famous American painters who were Realists also. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Leonardo Da Vinci ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
Gustave Courbet
Honore Daumier

Thomas Eakins John Singleton Copley
Surrealism Surrealists paintings were generally based on dreams. Their paintings were filled with familiar objects which were painted to look strange or mysterious. They hoped their odd paintings would make people look at things in a different way and change the way they felt about things. They thought that their paintings might stir up feelings in the back of peoples minds. Salvador Dali ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Henri Rousseau ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) Max Ernst

[thorough]

? what are diference between hope and wish in applications?
(sorry if repetitive, I'm beginner)

[A r c h i]

Wish is most commonly used in hypothetical (or imagined) situations:
I wish that I had a dog. (I don't really have a dog, but if I did, I would be happy.)
I wish (that) you were here. (Unfortunately, you're not, and I miss you.)l Sometimes wish is used in greeting and expressions of goodwill:

We wish you a "Merry Christmas."
They wished him "Happy Birthday."

Wish me luck. Hope can also be used in expressions of goodwill, but the grammar is slightly different:
I hope (that) you have a Merry Christmas.
I hope (that) you had a nice Birthday. (some time in the future)
(some time in the past)lHope can be used to specify a desired outcome. For future hopes, the possibilities remain open, but for past hopes, the outcome has usually been determined already.
I hope you can come to the party on Saturday.(future possibility)
I was hoping that you would come to the party. (but you didn't make it)
I had hoped to see you at the party on Saturday.I hope to get an A on the exam. (but I didn't)l(it is still possible)
I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. (although it might)
He hopes to be elected President. (it could happen)
She hoped you wouldn't find her. (but you probably did)l

Wish and hope are also used in certain types of requests and pleasantries. In such situations, wish carries a more definite and formal tone. I wish to see the doctor.I hope to see you again.
(right now)(anytime in the future)l

[A r c h i]

The answer is that the verb wish is used in a variety of different ways and hope cannot be used as a 'stand alone' verb in a sentence, other than in the expressions 'I hope so' or 'I hope not.'l

Let's look at wish first of all.

In your 'Merry Christmas' example, or when you wish someone good luck or Happy Birthday, you are expressing the hope that they will have good luck in the future, often in connection with a particular event, or that they will enjoy their birthday which is to come. Thus we have expressions like:

* 'I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.'
* 'Remember it's Sarah's birthday tomorrow. Don't forget to wish her many happy returns.'
* 'They wished me all the best in my new job.'
* 'I wish you good health and every happiness in the New Millennium.'


As you suggest, wish is also used when you wish that something were the case or you would like it to be the case even though you know that it is impossible or unlikely. In this sense, the verb which follows wish has a past tense inflection. Thus we have:


* 'We wish you could be here.'
* 'He wished he hadn't said that, for Fiona was terribly upset.'
* 'It rained every day. I do wish I hadn't gone there for my holidays.'
* 'I wish you didn't have to work so hard.'

Wish, as in 'wish to', is also sometimes used as a slightly more formal alternative to 'want to'. So we have:

* 'They were very much in love and wished to get married as soon as it could be arranged.'
* 'I don't wish to see him ever again,' she said, five months after they were married.'
* 'He could do most of his work from home, if he wished.'
* 'I don't wish to interrupt (your conversation), but the potatoes are burning dry.'
* 'I don't wish to be rude, but that red dress really doesn't suit you.'
Now let's take a brief look at hope. We speak of people's 'hopes for the future' and hope normally signals future intentions. If you hope to do something, you want to do it and intend to do it if you possibly can.

Like wish it can be used with to, plus infinitive. So we might have:

* 'I hope to be a millionaire by the time I'm thirty.'
* 'I was hoping to catch the 5.30 train and would have caught it, if Jennifer hadn't phoned.'
However, when a new subject is introduced, hope must be followed by a clausal construction. Thus, we would find:

* 'I hope (that) she'll like these flowers.'
* 'Her mother hoped (that) Judith would become a doctor, but her heart was always set on the stage.'
* 'I hope (that) you won't think me rude, but that red dress that you're wearing definitely doesn't suit you.'
* 'They were stranded on the side of the mountain and hoped (that) the rescue team would reach them before nightfall.'

Hopes and wishes! It is my hope and wish that all of you out there reading this column will enjoy good health and every happiness in the New Millennium. Or, to put it in two other ways: I wish you good health and every happiness in the 21st Century. I hope you'll enjoy good health and every happiness in the 21st Century.l

[olinda]

1-In a day,when you don,t come across any problems

You can be sure that you are traveling in a wrong path.

SWAMI VIVEKANANAA)

2-Three sentences for getting success
1-Know more than other
2-Work more than other
3-Expect less than other

WILLIAM SHEAKSPERE

3-If you win you need not explain
But if you lose should not be there to explain.

ADOLPH HITLER

4-Don,t compare yourself with anyone in this world.
If you do so,you are insulting yourself.

ALLEN STRIKE

5-If we cannot love the person whom we see
How can we love God whom we cannot see?

MOTHER TERESA

6-Winning does not always mean being first
Winning means you,r doing better than you,re done before.

BONNIE BLAIR

7-I will not say failed 1000 times,i will say :
That i discovered there are 1000 ways that can cause failure.

THOMAS EDISON

8-Every one thinks of changing the world
But no body thinks of changing himself.

LEO TOLSTOY

9-Believing everybody is dangerous
Believing nobody is very dangerous

ABRAHAM LINKLON

10-If some one feels that they had never made a mistake in their life
Then it means they had never tried a new thing in their life.

EINSTEIN

11-Never break four things in your life
Trust-promise-relation- heart
Beacause when they break they don,t make
noise but pain a lot .

CHARLES

12-If you start judging people you will be have
No time to love them.

MOTHER TERESA

13-Take into account that great love and
Great achievments involve great risk.

DALAY LAMA

[Greight]

In any modern society, the importance of birth control programs has been approved. In fact, for prevailing welfare, it seems obligatory to control the number of births and prohibit numerous children within a single family. Therefore, Iranian government has adopted some policies for controlling birth rate. These policies have led to some good results, e.g. a general welfare. But it is causing a bad effect as well, i.e. an increase in the number of uncivilized people.

The Iranian government has given some facilities, such as free medical services and contraception devices. These facilities are given in all medical centers in the country. The government has also limited some social services for the families that exceed a defined number of children, e.g. state insurance services are given just to the first three children of the family and no more. The government has also worked on the culture of the society; in the first ten years after the revolution, the idea of 'the more the better' had been widely spread, causing a sudden raise of the population. So approximately in the second decade after the revolution, the government started an effort to prevail a new idea, i.e. there is not any difference between a male and female child, two is enough.

As a result of birth rate control programs in the last decade, more young people are getting job day to day, i.e. more people are getting jobs everyday, causing the people become more financially affording. Moreover, the health rate of the society has been increased. Also in the next decade, the crowdedness in the society will decrease. Then you can go through cities more easily than now, and you will be more comfortable after twenty years and more. With all of these the society becomes more lively and joyful.

These policies have also caused a negative effect, i.e. a raise in the number of uncivilized people. These people can be regarded as not educated and in accord with socially acceptable manners.In other words they are not culturally advanced. These kinds of families care less about birth rate control than refined ones. Hence, the number of this kind of people increases. As a result, they have lots of children whom they can't civilize, educate and train properly. Conversely, the educated and civilized people try to have fewer children, thus, making the number of their kind less. This leads to formation of an uncivilized,uncultured and unsophisticated society.
We have seen then, the policies that the government has adopted for birth rate management have caused some good results like a general welfare which has made or will make the society happier, healthier and prosperous. The bad effect of raising the number of uneducated and uncivilized persons is also a sub- effect of these policies. So, it seems that the program should be scaled to make more opportunities for refined families to have even more children, while it restricts uncivilized families in having more than a limited number of children
.
Now tell me what u think about this.

[olinda]

Here's our fabulous collection of Strange Laws that can
date back very far. Most of these laws remain in the books
today, even if rarely enforced. ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
!
<img>In Texas, it's against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession.

<img> In Philadelphia, you can't put pretzels in bags based on an Act of 1760.

<img>Alaska law says that you can't look at a moose from an airplane.

<img> In Corpus Christie, Texas, it is illegal to raise alligators in your home.

<img>In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal.

<img> It is against the law to mispronounce the name of the State of Arkansas in that State.

<img>In Illinois, the law is that a car must be driven with the steering wheel.

<img>California law prohibits a woman from driving a car while dressed in a housecoat.

<img>In Memphis, Tennessee, a woman is not to drive a car unless a man warns approaching motorists or pedestrians by walking in front of the car that is being driven.

<img>In Tennessee, it is against the law to drive a car while sleeping.

<img>In New York, it is against the law for a blind person to drive an automobile.

<img>In West Virginia, only babies can ride in a baby carriage.

<img>In Georgia, it is against the law to slap a man on the back or front.

<img>A barber is not to advertise prices in the State of Georgia.

<img>In Louisiana, a bill was introduced years ago in the State House of Representatives that fixed a ceiling on haircuts for bald men of 25 cents.

<img>In Oklahoma, no baseball team can hit the ball over the fence or out of a ballpark.


([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

[olinda]

<img> <img> In Rochester, Michigan, the law is that anyone bathing in public must have the bathing suit inspected by a police officer !

<img>In Kentucky, it's the law that a person must take a bath once a year.

<img>In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway.

<img>In Ohio, one must have a license to keep a bear.

<img>In Tennessee, a law exists which prohibits the sale of bologna (sandwich meat) on Sunday.

<img>In Virginia, the Code of 1930 has a statute which prohibits corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than political candidates.

<img>In Providence, Rhode Island, it is against the law to jump off a bridge.

<img> In the State of Kansas, you're not allowed to drive a buffalo through a street.

<img>In Florida, it is against the law to put livestock on a school bus.

<img> In New Jersey, cabbage can't be sold on Sunday.

<img> <img>In Galveston, Texas, it is illegal to have a camel run loose in the street !

<img> In North Carolina, it is against the law for dogs and cats to fight.

<img>In Singapore, it is illegal to chew gum.

<img> In Cleveland, Ohio, it is unlawful to leave chewing gum in public places.

<img>In Virginia, chickens cannot lay eggs before 8:00 a.m., and must be done before 4:00 p.m.

<img>In New York, it is against the law for children to pick up or collect cigarette and cigar butts.

<img>In Massachusetts, it is against the law to put tomatos in clam chowder.

<img>In Washington State, you can't carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length.

<img>In San Francisco, there is an ordinance, which bans the picking up and throwing of used confetti.

<img>In Kentucky, it is illegal for a merchant to force a person into his place of business for the purpose of making a sale.

<img> It is against the law in Connecticut for a man to write love letters to a girl whose mother or father has forbidden the relationship.

<img>In Michigan, married couples must live together or be imprisoned.

<img> <img>In the state of Colorado, a pet cat, if loose, must have a tail-light !

<img>In Phoenix, Arizona, you can't walk through a hotel lobby with spurs on.

<img>In California, a law created in 1925 makes it illegal to wiggle while dancing.

<img>In Utah, daylight must be visible between dancing couples.

<img>In Michigan, it is against the law for a lady to lift her skirt more than 6 inches while walking through a mud puddle.

<img> In North Carolina, it is against the law for a rabbit to race down the street.

<img>In Georgia, it's against the law to spread a false rumor.

<img>In West Virginia, one can't cook sauerkraut or cabbage due to the odors and the offence is subject to imprisonment.

<img>In Missouri, a man must have a permit to shave.

<img>The law states that more than 3000 sheep cannot be herded down Hollywood Blvd. at any one time.

<img>In Texas, it is still a "hanging offense" to steal cattle. ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) .
<img height="1" width="1">

[sina1100]

How I Met My Husband
Alice Munro
Notes
1 We heard the plane come over at noon, roaring through the radio news, and we were
2 sure it was going to hit the house, so we all ran out into the yard. We saw it come in
3 over the treetops, all red and silver, the first close--up plane I ever saw. Mrs. Peebles
4 screamed.
5 “Crash landing,” their little boy said. Joey was his name.
6 “It's okay,” said Dr. Peebles. “He knows what he's doing.” Dr. Peebles was only an
7 animal doctor, but had a calming way of talking, like any doctor.
8 This was my first job--working for Dr. and Mrs. Peebles, who had bought an old
9 house out on the Fifth Line, about five miles out of town. It was just when the trend
10 was starting of town people buying up old farms, not to work them but to live on
11 them.
12 We watched the plane land across the road, where the fairgrounds used to be. It did
13 make a good landing field, nice and level for the old race track, and the barns and
14 display sheds torn down now for scrap lumber so there was nothing in the way. Even
15 the old grandstand bays had burned.
16 “All right,” said Mrs. Peebles, snappy as she always was when she got over her
17 nerves. “Let's go back in the house. Let's not stand here gawking like a set of
18 farmers.”
19 She didn't say that to hurt my feelings. It never occurred to her.
20 I was just setting the dessert down when Loretta Bird arrived, out of breath, at the
21 screen door.
22 “I thought it was going to crash into the house and kill youse all!”
23 She lived on the next place and the Peebleses thought she was a country--woman, they
24 didn't know the difference. She and her husband didn't farm, he worked on the roads
25 and had a bad name for drinking. They had seven children and couldn't get credit at
26 the HiWay Grocery. The Peebleses made her welcome, not knowing any better, as I
27 say, and offered her dessert.
28 Dessert was never anything to write home about, at their place. A dish of Jell--O or
29 sliced bananas or fruit out of a tin. “Have a house without a pie, be ashamed until you
30 die,” my mother used to say, but Mrs. Peebles operated differently.
31 Loretta Bird saw me getting the can of peaches.
32 “Oh, never mind,” she said. “I haven't got the right kind of a stomach to trust what
33 comes out of those tins, I can only eat home canning.”
34 I could have slapped her. I bet she never put down fruit in her life.
35 “I know what he's landed here for,” she said.“He's got permission to use the
36 fairgrounds and take people up for rides. It costs a dollar. It's the same fellow who was
37 over at Palmerston last week and was up the lakeshore before that. I wouldn't go up, if
38 you paid me.”
39 “I’d jump at the chance,” Dr. Peebles said. “I'd like to see this neighbor--hood from
40 the air.”
41 Mrs. Peebles said she would just as soon see it from the ground. Joey said he wanted
42 to go and Heather did, too. Joey was nine and Heather was seven.
43 “Would you, Edie?” Heather said.
44 I said I didn't know. I was scared, but I never admitted that, especially in front of
45 children I was taking care of.
46 “People are going to be coming out here in their cars raising dust and trampling your
47 property, if I was you I would complain,” Loretta said. She hooked her legs around
48 the chair rung and I knew we were in for a lengthy visit. After Dr. Peebles went back
49 to his offIce or out on his next call and Mrs. Peebles went for her nap, she would hang
50 around me while I was trying to do the dishes. She would pass remarks about the
51 Peebleses in their own house.
52 “She wouldn't find time to lay down in the middle of the day, if she had seven kids
53 like I got.”
54 She asked me did they fight and did they keep things in the dresser drawer not to have
55 babies with. She said it was a sin if they did. I pretended I didn't know what she was
56 talking about.
57 I was fifteen and away from home for the first time. My parents had made the effort
58 and sent me to high school for a year, but I didn't like it. I was shy of strangers and
59 the work was hard, they didn't make it nice for you or explain the way they do now.
60 At the end of the year the averages were published in the paper, and mine came out at
61 the very bottom, 37 percent. My father said that's enough and I didn't blame him. The
62 last thing I wanted, anyway, was to go on and end up teaching school. It happened the
63 very day the paper came out with my disgrace in it, Dr. Peebles was staying at our
64 place for dinner, having just helped one of the cows have twins, and he said I looked
65 smart to him and his wife was looking for a girl to help. He said she felt tied down,
66 with the two children, out in the country. I guess she would, my mother said, being
67 polite, though I could tell from her face she was wondering what on earth it would be
68 like to have only two children and no barn work, and then to be complaining.
69 When I went home I would describe to them the work I had to do, and it made
70 everybody laugh. Mrs. Peebles had an automatic washer and dryer, the first I ever saw.
71 I have had those in my own home for such a long time now it's hard to remember how
72 much of a miracle it was to me, not having to struggle with the wringer and hang up
73 and haul down. Let alone not having to heat water. Then there was practically no
74 baking. Mrs. Peebles said she couldn't make pie crust, the most amazing thing I ever
75 heard a woman admit. I could, of course, and I could make light biscuits and a white
76 cake and dark cake, but they didn't want it, she said they watched their figures. The
77 only thing I didn't like about working there, in fact, was feeling half hungry a lot of
78 the time. I used to bring back a box of doughnuts made out at home, and hide them
79 under my bed. The children found out, and I didn't mind sharing, but I thought I
80 better bind them to secrecy.
81 The day after the plane landed Mrs. Peebles put both children in the car and drove over
82 to Chesley, to get their hair cut. There was a good woman then at Chesley for doing
83 hair. She got hers done at the same place, Mrs. Peebles did, and that meant they
84 would be gone a good while. She had to pick a day Dr. Peebles wasn't going out into
85 the country, she didn't have her own car. Cars were still in short supply then, after the
86 war.
87 I loved being left in the house alone, to do my work at leisure. The kitchen was all
88 white and bright yellow, with fluorescent lights. That was before they ever thought of
89 making the appliances all different colors and doing the cupboards like dark old wood
90 and hiding the lighting. I loved light. I loved the double sink. So would anybody
91 new--come from washing dishes in a dishpan with a rag--plugged hole on an oilcloth--
92 covered table by light of a coal--oillamp. I kept everything shining.
93 The bathroom too. I had a bath in there once a week. They wouldn't have minded if I
94 took one oftener, but to me it seemed like asking too much, or maybe risking making
95 it less wonderful. The basin and the tub and the toilet were all pink, and there were
96 glass doors with flamingoes painted on them, to shut off the tub. The light had a rosy
97 cast and the mat sank under your feet like snow, except that it was warm. The mirror
98 was three--way. With the mirror all steamed up and the air like a perfume cloud, from
99 things I was allowed to use, I stood up on the side of the tub and admired myself
100 naked, from three directions. Sometimes I thought about the way we lived out at
101 home and the way we lived here and how one way was so hard to imagine when you
102 were living the other way. But I thought it was still a lot easier, living the way we
103 lived at home, to picture something like this, the painted flamingoes and the warmth
104 and the soft mat, than it was anybody knowing only things like this to picture how it
105 was the other way. And why was that?
106 I was through my jobs in no time, and had the vegetables peeled for supper and sitting
107 in cold water besides. Then I went into Mrs. Peebles' bedroom. I had been in there
108 plenty of times, cleaning, and I always took a good look in her closet, at the clothes
109 she had hanging there. I wouldn't have looked in her drawers, but a closet is open to
110 anybody. That's a lie. I would have looked in drawers, but I would have felt worse
111 doing it and been more scared she could tell.
112 Some clothes in her closet she wore all the time, I was quite familiar with them.
113 Others she never put on, they were pushed to the back. I was disappointed to see no
114 wedding dress. But there was one long dress I could just see the skirt of, and I was
115 hungering to see the rest. Now I took note of where it hung and lifted it out. It was
116 satin, a lovely weight on my arm, light bluish--green in color, almost silvery. It had a
117 fitted, pointed waist and a full skirt and an off--the--shoulder fold hiding the little
118 sleeves.
119 Next thing was easy. I got out of my own things and slipped it on. I was slimmer at
120 fifteen than anybody would believe who knows me now and the fit was beautiful. I
121 didn't, of course, have a strapless bra on, which was what it needed, I just had to slide
122 my straps down my arms under the material. Then I tried pinning up my hair, to get
123 the effect. One thing led to another. I put on rouge and lipstick and eyebrow pencil
124 from her dresser. The heat of the day and the weight of the satin and all the excitement
125 made me thirsty, and I went out to the kitchen, got--up as I was, to get a glass of
126 ginger ale with ice cubes from the refrigerator. The Peebleses drank ginger ale, or fruit
127 drinks, all day, like water, and I was getting so I did too. Also there was no limit on
128 ice cubes, which I was so fond of I would even put them in a glass of milk.
129 I turned from putting the ice tray back and saw a man watching me through the screen.
130 It was the luckiest thing in the world I didn't spill the ginger ale down the front of me
131 then and there.
132 “I never meant to scare you. I knocked but you were getting the ice out, you didn't
133 hear me.”
134 I couldn't see what he looked like, he was dark the way somebody is pressed up
135 against a screen door with the bright daylight behind them. I only knew he wasn't
136 from around here.
137 “I’m from the plane over there. My name is Chris Watters and what I was wondering
138 was if I could use that pump."”
139 There was a pump in the yard. That was the way the people used to get their water.
140 Now I noticed he was carrying a pail.
141 "You’re welcome,” I said. “I can get it from the tap and save you pumping.” I guess I
142 wanted him to know we had piped water, didn't pump ourselves.
143 “I don't mind the exercise.” He didn't move, though, and finally he said, “Were you
144 going to a dance?”
145 Seeing a stranger there had made me entirely forget how I was dressed.
146 “Or is that the way ladies around here generally get dressed up in the afternoon?”
147 I didn't know how to joke back then. I was too embarrassed.
148 “You live here? Are you the lady of the house?”
149 “I’m the hired girl.”
150 Some people change when they find that out, their whole way of looking at you and
151 speaking to you changes, but his didn't.
152 “Well, I just wanted to tell you you look very nice. I was so surprised when I looked
153 in the door and saw you. Just because you looked so nice and beautiful.”
154 I wasn't even old enough then to realize how out of the common it is, for a man to say
155 something like that to a woman, or somebody he is treating like a woman. For a man
156 to say a word like beautiful. I wasn't old enough to realize or to say anything back, or
157 in fact to do anything but wish he would go away. Not that I didn't like him, but just
158 that it upset me so, having him look at me, and me trying to think of something to
159 say.
160 He must have understood. He said good--bye, and. thanked me, and went and started
161 filling his pail from the pump. I stood behind the Venetian blinds in the dining room,
162 watching him. When he had gone, I went into the bedroom and took the dress off and
163 put it back in the same place. I dressed in my own clothes and took my hair down and
164 washed my face, wiping it on Kleenex, which I threw in the wastebasket.
166 The Peebleses asked me what kind of man he was. Young, middle--aged, short, tall? I
167 couldn't say.
168 “Good--looking?” Dr. Peebles teased me.
169 I couldn't think a thing but that he would be coming to get his water again, he would
170 be talking to Dr. or Mrs. Peebles, making friends with them, and he would mention
171 seeing me that first afternoon, dressed up. Why not mention it? He would think it was
172 funny. And no idea of the trouble it would get me into.
173 After supper the Peebleses drove into town to go to a movie. She wanted to go
174 somewhere with her hair fresh done. I sat in my bright kitchen wondering what to do,
175 knowing I would never sleep. Mrs. Peebles might not fire me, when she found out,
176 but it would give her a different feeling about me altogether. This was the first place I
177 ever worked but I already had picked up things about the way people feel when you are
178 working for them. They like to think you aren't curious. Not just that you aren't
179 dishonest, that isn't enough. They like to feel you don't notice things, that you don't
180 think or wonder about anything but what they liked to eat and how they liked things
181 ironed, and so on. I don't mean they weren't kind to me, because they were. They had
182 me eat my meals with them (to tell the truth I expected to, I didn't know there were
183 families who don't) and sometimes they took me along in the car. But all the same.
184 I went up and checked on the children being asleep and then I went out. I had to do it.
185 I crossed the road and went in the old fairgrounds gate. The plane looked unnatural
186 sitting there, and shining with the moon. Off at the far side of the fairgrounds where
187 the bush was taking over, I saw his tent.
188 He was sitting outside it smoking a cigarette. He saw me coming.
189 “Hello, were you looking for a plane ride? I don't start taking people up till
190 tomorrow.”Then he looked again and said, “Oh, it's you. I didn't know you without
191 your long dress on.”
192 My heart was knocking away, my tongue was dried up. I had to say something. But I
193 couldn't. My throat was closed and I was like a deaf--and--dumb.
194 “Did you want a ride? Sit down. Have a cigarette.”
195 I couldn't even shake my head to say no, so he gave me one.
196 “Put it in your mouth or I can't light it. It's a good thing I'm used to shy ladies.”
197 I did. It wasn't the first time I had smoked a cigarette, actually. My girl--friend out
198 home, Muriel Lowe, used to steal them from her brother.
199 “Look at your hand shaking. Did you just want to have a chat, or what?”
200 In one burst I said, “I wisht you wouldn't say anything about that dress.”
201 “What dress? Oh, the long dress.”
202 “It's Mrs. Peebles'.”
203 “Whose? Oh, the lady you work for? She wasn't home so you got dressed up in her
204 dress, eh? You got dressed up and played queen. I don't blame you. You're not
205 smoking the cigarette right. Don't just puff. Draw it in. Did anybody ever show you
206 how to inhale? Are you scared I'll tell on you? Is that it?”
207 I was so ashamed at having to ask him to connive this way I couldn't nod. I just
208 looked at him and he saw yes.
209 “Well I won't. I won't in the slightest way mention it or embarrass you. I give you my
210 word of honor.”
211 Then he changed the subject, to help me out, seeing I couldn't even thank him.
212 “What do you think of this sign?”
213 It was a board sign lying practically at my feet.
214 SEE THE WORLD FROM THE SKY. ADULTS $1.00, CHILDREN 50¢.
215 QUALIFIED PILOT.
216 “My old sign was getting pretty beat up, I thought I'd make a new one. That's what
217 I've been doing with my time today.”
218 The lettering wasn't all that handsome, I thought. I could have done a better one in
219 half an hour.
220 “I'm not an expert at sign making.”
221 “It's very good,” I said.
222 “I don't need it for publicity, word of mouth is usually enough. I turned away two
223 carloads tonight. I felt like taking it easy. I didn't tell them ladies were dropping in to
224 visit me.”
225 Now I remembered the children and I was scared again, in case; one of them had
226 waked up and called me and I wasn't there.
227 “Do you have to go so soon?”
228 I remembered some manners. “Thank you for the cigarette.”
229 “Don't forget. You have my word of honor.”
230 I tore off across the fairgrounds, scared I'd see the car heading home from town. My
231 sense of time was mixed up, I didn't know how long I'd been out of the house. But it
232 was all right, it wasn't late, the children were asleep. I got in my bed myself and lay
233 thinking what a lucky end to the day, after all, and among things to be grateful for I
234 could be' grateful Loretta Bird hadn't been the one who caught me.
235 The yard and borders didn't get trampled, it wasn't as bad as that. All the same it
236 seemed very public, around the house. The sign was on the fair--grounds gate. People
237 came mostly after supper but a good many in the afternoon, too. The Bird children all
238 came without fifty cents between them and hung on the gate. We got used to the
239 excitement of the plane coming in and taking off, it wasn't excitement anymore. I
240 never went over, after that one time, but would see him when he came to get his
241 water. I would be out on the steps doing sitting--down work, like preparing
242 vegetables, if I could.
243 “Why don't you come over? I'll take you up in my plane.”
244 “I'm saving my money,” I said, because I couldn't think of anything else.
245 “For what? For getting married?”
246 I shook my head.
247 “I'll take you up for free if you come sometime when it's slack. I thought you would
248 come, and have another cigarette.”
249 I made a face to hush him, because you never could tell when the children would be
250 sneaking around the porch, or Mrs. Peebles herself listening in the house. Sometimes
251 she came out and had a conversation with him. He told her things he hadn't bothered
252 to tell me. But then I hadn't thought to ask. He told her he had been in the war, that
253 was where he learned to fly a plane, and how he couldn't settle down to ordinary life,
254 this was what he liked. She said she couldn't imagine anybody liking such a thing.
255 Though sometimes, she said, she was almost bored enough to try anything herself,
256 she wasn't brought up to living in the country. It's all my husband's idea, she said.
257 This was news to me.
258 “Maybe you ought to give flying lessons,” she said.
259 “Would you take them?”
260 She just laughed.
262 Sunday was a busy flying day in spite of it being preached against from two pulpits.
263 We were all sitting out watching. Joey and Heather were over on the fence with the
264 Bird kids. Their father had said they could go, after their mother saying all week they
265 couldn't.
266 A car came down the road past the parked cars and pulled up right in the drive. It was
267 Loretta Bird who got out, all importance, and on the driver's side another woman got
268 out, more sedately. She was wearing sunglasses.
269 “This is a lady looking for the man that flies the plane,” Loretta Bird said. “I heard her
270 inquire in the hotel coffee shop where I was having a Coke and I brought her out.”
271 “I'm sorry to bother you,” the lady said. “I'm Alice Kelling, Mr. Watters' fiancée.”
272 This Alice Kelling had on a pair of brown and white checked slacks and a yellow top.
273 Her bust looked to me rather low and bumpy. She had a worried face. Her hair had had
274 a permanent, but had grown out, and she wore a yellow band to keep it off her face.
275 Nothing in the least pretty or even young--looking about her. But you could tell from
276 how she talked she was from the city, or educated, or both.
277 Dr. Peebles stood up and introduced himself and his wife and me and asked her to be
278 seated.
279 “He's up in the air right now, but you're welcome to sit and wait. He gets his water
280 here and he hasn't been yet. He'll probably take his break about five.”
281 “That is him, then?” said Alice Kelling, wrinkling and straining at the sky.
282 “He's not in the habit of running out on you, taking a different name?” Dr. Peebles
283 laughed. He was the one, not his wife, to offer iced tea. Then she sent me into the
284 kitchen to fix it. She smiled. She was wearing sunglasses too.
285 “He never mentioned his fiancée,” she said.
286 I loved fixing iced tea with lots of ice and slices of lemon in tall glasses. I ought to
287 have mentioned before, Dr. Peebles was an abstainer, at least around the house, or I
288 wouldn't have been allowed to take the place. I had to fix a glass for Loretta Bird too,
289 though it galled me, and when 1 went out she had settled in my lawn chair, leaving
290 me the steps.
291 “I knew you was a nurse when I first heard you in that coffee shop.”
292 “How would you know a thing like that?”
293 “I get my hunches about people. Was that how you met him, nursing?”
294 “Chris? Well yes. Yes, it was.”
295 “Oh, were you overseas?” said Mrs. Peebles.
296 “No, it was before he went overseas. I nursed him when he was stationed at Centralia
297 and had a ruptured appendix. We got engaged and then he went overseas. My, this is
298 refreshing, after a long drive.”
299 “He'll be glad to see you,” Dr. Peebles said. “It's a rackety kind of life, isn't it, not
300 staying one place long enough to really make friends.”
301 “Youse've had a long engagement,” Loretta Bird said.
302 Alice Kelling passed that over. “I was going to get a room at the hotel, but when I
303 was offered directions 1 came on out. Do you think I could phone them?”
304 “No need,” Dr. Peebles said. “You're five miles away from him if you stay at the
305 hotel. Here, you're right across the road. Stay with us. We've got rooms on rooms,
306 look at this big house.”
307 Asking people to stay, just like that, is certainly a country thing, and maybe seemed
308 natural to him now, but not to Mrs. Peebles, from the way she said, oh yes, we have
309 plenty of room. Or to Alice Kelling, who kept protesting, but let herself be worn
310 down. I got the feeling it was a temptation to her, to be that close. 1 was trying for a
311 look at her ring. Her nails were painted red, her fingers were freckled and wrinkled. It
312 was a tiny stone. Muriel Lowe's cousin had one twice as big.
313 Chris came to get his water, late in the afternoon just as Dr. Peebles had predicted. He
314 must have recognized the car from a way off. He came smiling.
315 “Here I am chasing after you to see what you're up to,” called Alice Kelling. She got
316 up and went to meet him and they kissed, just touched, in front of us.
317 “You're going to spend a lot on gas that way,” Chris said.
318 Dr. Peebles invited Chris to stay for supper, since he had already put up the sign that
319 said: NO MORE RIDES TILL 7 P.M. Mrs. Peebles wanted it served in the yard, in
320 spite of the bugs. One thing strange to anybody from the country is this eating
321 outside. I had made a potato salad earlier and she had made a jellied salad, that was
322 one thing she could do, so it was just a matter of getting those out, and some sliced
323 meat and cucumbers and fresh leaf lettuce. Loretta Bird hung around for some time
324 saying, “Oh, well, I guess I better get home to those yappers,” and,“It's so nice just
325 sitting here, I sure hate to get up,” but nobody invited her, I was relieved to see, and
326 finally she had to go.
327 That night after rides were finished Alice Kelling and Chris went off somewhere in her
328 car. I lay awake till they got back. When I saw the car lights sweep my ceiling I got
329 up to look down on them through the slats of my blind. I don't know what I thought I
330 was going to see. Muriel Lowe and I used to sleep on her front veranda and watch her
331 sister and her sister's boy friend saying good night. Afterward we couldn't get to sleep,
332 for longing for somebody to kiss us and rub against us and we would talk about
333 suppose you were out in a boat with a boy and he wouldn't bring you in to shore
334 unless you did it, or what if somebody got you trapped in a barn, you would have to,
335 wouldn't you, it wouldn't be your fault. Muriel said her two girl cousins used to try
336 with a toilet paper roll that one of them was a boy. We wouldn't do anything like that;
337 just lay and wondered.
338 All that happened was that Chris got out of the car on one side and she got out on the
339 other and they walked off separately--him toward the fair--grounds and her toward the
340 house. I got back in bed and imagined about me coming home with him, not like
341 that.
342 Next morning Alice Kelling got up late and I fixed a grapefruit for her the way I had
343 learned and Mrs. Peebles sat down with her to visit and have another cup of coffee.
344 Mrs. Peebles seemed pleased enough now, having company. Alice Kelling said she
345 guessed she better get used to putting in a day just watching Chris take off and come
346 down, and Mrs. Peebles said she didn't know if she should suggest it because Alice
347 Kelling was the one with the car, but the lake was only twenty--five miles away and
348 what a good day for a picnic.
349 Alice Kelling took her up on the idea and by eleven o'clock they were in the car, with
350 Joey and Heather and a sandwich lunch I had made. The only thing was that Chris
351 hadn't come down, and she wanted to tell him where they were going.
352 “Edie'll go over and tell him,” Mrs. Peebles said. “There's no problem.”
353 Alice Kelling wrinkled her face and agreed.
354 “Be sure and tell him we'll be back by five!”
355 I didn't see that he would be concerned about knowing this right away, and I thought
356 of him eating whatever he ate over there, alone, cooking on his camp stove, so I got to
357 work and mixed up a crumb cake and baked it, in between the other work I had to do;
358 then, when it was a bit cooled, wrapped it in a tea towel. I didn't do anything to
359 myself but take off my apron and comb my hair. 1 would like to have put some
360 makeup on, but I was too afraid it would remind him of the way he first saw me, and
361 that. would humiliate me all over again.
363 He had come and put another sign on the gate: NO RIDES THIS P.M.APOLOGIES. I
364 worried that he wasn't feeling well. No sign of him outside and the tent flap was
365 down. I knocked on the pole.
366 “Come in,” he said, in a voice that would just as soon have said Stay out.
367 I lifted the flap.
368 “Oh, it's you. I'm sorry. I didn't know it was you.”
369 He had been just sitting on the side of the bed, smoking. Why not at least sit and
370 smoke in the fresh air?
371 “I brought a cake and hope you're not sick,” I said.
372 “Why would I be sick? Oh--that sign. That's all right. I'm just tired of talking to
373 people. I don't mean you. Have a seat.“ He pinned back the tent flap. “Get some fresh
374 air in here.”
375 I sat on the edge of the bed, there was no place else. It was one of those fold up cots,
376 really: I remembered and gave him his fiancée's message.
377 He ate some of the cake. “Good.”
378 “Put the rest away for when you're hungry later.’
379 “I'll tell you a secret. I won't be around here much longer.’
380 “Are you getting married?”
381 “Ha ha. What time did you say they'd be back?”
382 “Five o'clock.”
383 “Well, by that time this place will have seen the last of me. A plane can get further
384 than a car.” He unwrapped the cake and ate another piece of it, absentmindedly.
385 “Now you'll be thirsty.”
386 “There's some water in the pail.“
387 “It won't be very cold. I could bring some fresh. I could bring some ice from the
388 refrigerator.”
389 “No,“ he said. “I don't want you to go. I want a nice long time of saying good--bye to
390 you.”
391 He put the cake away carefully and sat beside me and started those little kisses, so
392 soft, I can't ever let myself think about them, such kindness in his face and lovely
393 kisses, all over my eyelids and neck and ears, all over, then me kissing back as well as
394 I could (l had only kissed a boy on a dare before, and kissed my own arms for
395 practice) and we lay back on the cot and pressed together, just gently, and he did some
396 other things, not bad things or not in a bad way. It was lovely in the tent, that smell
397 of grass and hot tent cloth with the sun beating down on it, and he said, “I wouldn't
398 do you any harm for the world.” Once, when he had rolled on top of me and we were
399 sort of rocking together on the cot, he said softly, “Oh, no,” and freed himself and
400 jumped up and got the water pail. He splashed some of it on his neck and face, and
401 the little bit left, on me lying there.
402 “That's to cool us off, miss.”
403 When we said good--bye I wasn't at all sad, because he held my face and said, “I'm
404 going to write you a letter. I'll tell you where I am and maybe you can come and see
405 me. Would you like that? Okay then. You wait.” I was really glad I think to get away
406 from him, it was like he was piling presents on me I couldn't get the pleasure of till I
407 considered them alone.
409 No consternation at first about the plane being gone. They thought he had taken
410 somebody up, and I didn't enlighten them. Dr. Peebles had phoned he had to go to the
411 country, so there was just us having supper, and then Loretta Bird thrusting her head
412 in the door and saying,“I see he's took off.”
413 “What?” said Alice Kelling, and pushed back her chair.
414 “The kids come and told me this afternoon he was taking down his tent. Did he think
415 he'd run through all the business there was around here? He didn't take off without
416 letting you know, did he?”
417 “He'll send me word,” Alice Kelling said. “He'll probably phone tonight. He's terribly
418 restless, since the war.”
419 “Edie, he didn't mention to you, did he?” Mrs. Peebles said. “When you took over the
420 message?”
421 “Yes,” I said. So far so true.
422 “Well why didn't you say?” All of them were looking at me. “Did he say where he
423 was going?”
424 “He said he might try Bayfield;” I said. What made me tell such a lie? I didn't intend
425 it.
426 “Bayfield, how far is that?” said Alice Kelling.
427 Mrs. Peebles said, “Thirty, thirty--five miles.”
428 “That's not far. Oh, well, that's really not far at all. It's on the lake, isn't it?” You'd
429 think I'd be ashamed of myself, setting her on the wrong track. I did it to give him
430 more time, whatever time he needed. I lied for him, and also, I have to admit,for me.
431 Women should stick together and not do things like that. I see that now, but didn't
432 then. I never thought of myself as being in any way like her, or coming to the same
433 troubles, ever.
434 She hadn't taken her eyes off me. I thought she suspected my lie. “When did he
435 mention this to you?”
436 “Earlier.”
437 “When you were over at the plane?”
438 “Yes.”
439 “You must've stayed and.had a chat.” She smiled at me, not a nice smile. “You
440 must've stayed and had a little visit with him.”
441 “I took a cake,” I said, thinking that telling some truth would spare me telling the
442 rest.
443 “We didn't have a cake,” said Mrs. Peebles rather sharply.
444 “I baked one.”
445 Alice Kelling said, “That was very friendly of you.”
446 “Did you get permission,” said Loretta Bird. “You never know what these girls'll do
447 next,” she said. “It's not they mean harm so much, as they're ignorant.“
448 “The cake is neither here nor there,” Mrs. Peebles broke in. “Edie, I wasn't aware you
449 knew Chris that well.”
450 I didn't know what to say.
451 “I'm not surprised,” Alice Kelling said in a high voice.“I knew by the look of her as
452 soon as I saw her. We've get them at the hospital all the time.“ She looked hard at me
453 with her stretched smile. “Having their babies. We have to put them in a special ward
454 because of their diseases. Little country tramps. Fourteen and fifteen years old. You
455 should see the babies they have, too.”
456 “There was a bad woman here in town had a baby that pus was running out of its
457 eyes,” Loretta Bird put in.
458 “Wait a minute,” said Mrs. Peebles. “What is this talk? Edie. What about you and Mr.
459 Watters? Were you intimate with him?“
460 “Yes,“ I said. I was thinking of us lying on the cot and kissing, wasn't that intimate?
461 And I would never deny it.
462 They were all one minute quiet, even Loretta Bird.
463 “Well,“ said Mrs. Peebles.“I am surprised. I think I need a cigarette. This is the first
464 of any such tendencies I've seen in her,“ she said, speaking to Alice Kelling, but Alice
465 Kelling was looking at me.
466 “Loose little bitch.” Tears ran down her face. “Loose little bitch, aren't you? I knew as
467 soon as I saw you. Men despise girls like you. He just made use of you and went off,
468 you know that, don't you? Girls like you' are just nothing, they're just public
469 conveniences, just filthy little rags!”
470 “Oh, now,” said Mrs. Peebles.
471 “Filthy,” Alice Kelling sobbed.”Filthy little rags!”
472 “Don't get yourself upset,” Loretta Bird said. She was swollen up with pleasure at
473 being in on this scene.“Men are all the same.“
474 “Edie, I'm very surprised,” Mrs. Pebbles said. “I thought your parents were so strict.
475 You don't want to have a baby, do you?”
476 I’m still ashamed of what happened next. I lost control, just like a six--year--old, I
477 started howling. “You don't get a baby from just doing that!”
478 “You see. Some of them are that ignorant,” Loretta Bird said.
479 But Mrs. Peebles jumped up and caught my arms and shook me. “Calm down. Don't
480 get hysterical. Calm down. Stop crying. Listen to me. Listen I'm wondering, if you
481 know what being intimate means. Now tell me. What did you think it meant?”
482 “Kissing,” I howled.
483 She let go. “Oh, Edie. Stop it. Don't be silly. It's all right. It's all a
484 misunderstanding. Being intimate means a lot more than that. Oh, I wondered.”
485 “She's trying to cover up, now,“ said Alice Kelling. “Yes. She's not so stupid. She
486 sees she got herself in trouble.“
487 “I believe her,” Mrs. Peebles said. “This is an awful scene.”
488 “Well there is one way to find out,” said Alice Kelling, getting up. “After all, I am a
489 nurse.”
490 Mrs. Peebles drew a breath and said, “No. No. Go to your room, Edie. And stop that
491 noise. This is too disgusting.”
492 I heard the car start in a little while. I tried to stop crying, pulling back each wave as it
493 started over me. Finally I succeeded, and lay heaving on the bed.
494 Mrs. Peebles came and stood in the doorway.
495 “She's gone,” she said. “That Bird woman too. Of course, you know you should never
496 have gone near that man and that is the cause of all this trouble. I have a headache. As
497 soon as you can, go and wash your face in cold water and get at the dishes and we will
498 not say any more about this.”
500 Nor we didn't. I didn't figure out till years later the extent of what I had been saved
501 from. Mrs. Peebles was not very friendly to me afterward, but she was fair. Not very
502 friendly is the wrong way of describing what she was. She had never been very
503 friendly. It was just that now she had to see me all the time and it got on her nerves, a
504 little.
505 As for me, I put it all out of my mind like a bad dream and concentrated on waiting
506 for my letter. The mail came every day except Sunday, between one--thirty and two in
507 the afternoon, a good time for me because Mrs. Peebles was always having her nap. I
508 would get the kitchen all cleaned and then go up to the mailbox and sit in the grass,
509 waiting. I was perfectly happy, waiting. I forgot all about Alice Kelling and her
510 misery and awful talk and Mrs. Peebles and her chilliness and the embarrassment of
511 whether she told Dr. Peebles and the face of Loretta Bird, getting her fill of other
512 people's troubles. I was always smiling when the mailman got there, and continued
513 smiling even after he gave me the mail and I saw today wasn't the day. The mailman
514 was a Carmichael. I knew by his face because there are a lot of Carmichaels living out
515 by us and so many of them have a sort of sticking--out top lip. So I asked his
516 name(he was a young man, shy, but good--humored, anybody could ask him
517 anything) and then I said,”I knew by your face!” He was pleased by that and always
518 glad to see me and got a little less shy.”You've got the smile I've been waiting for all
519 day!” he used to holler out the car window.
520 It never crossed my mind for a long time a letter might not come. I believed in it
521 coming just like I believed the sun would rise in the morning. I just put off my hope
522 from day to day, and there was the goldenrod out around the mailbox and the children
523 gone back to school, and the leaves turning, and I was wearing a sweater when I went
524 to wait. One day walking back with the hydro bill stuck in my hand, that was all,
525 looking across at the fairgrounds with the full--blown milkweed and dark teasels, so
526 much like fall, it just struck me: No letter was ever going to come. It was an
527 impossible idea to get used to. No, not impossible. If I thought about Chris's face
528 when he said he was going to write me, it was impossible, but if I forgot that and
529 thought about the actual tin mailbox, empty, it was plain and true. I kept on going to
530 meet the mail, but my heart was heavy now like a lump of lead. I only smiled because
531 I thought of the mailman counting on it, and he didn't have an easy life, with the
532 winter driving ahead.
533 Till it came to me one day there were women doing this with their lives, all over.
534 There were women just waiting and waiting by mailboxes for one letter or another. I
535 imagined me making this journey day after day and year after year, and my hair
536 starting to get gray, and I thought, I was never made to go on like that. So I stopped
537 meeting the mail. If there were women all through life waiting, and women busy and
538 not waiting, I knew which I had to be. Even though there might be things the second
539 kind of women have to pass up and never know about, it still is better.
540 I was surprised when the mailman phoned the Peebleses' place in the evening and
541 asked for me. He said he missed me. He asked if I would like to go to Goderich,
542 where some well--known movie was on, I forget now what. So I said yes, and I went
543 out with him for two years and he asked me to marry him, and we were engaged a year
544 more while I got my things together, and then we did marry. He always tells the
545 children the story of how I went after him by sitting by the mailbox every day, and
546 naturally I laugh and let him, because I like for people to think what pleases them and
547 makes them happy.

[olinda]

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE




There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights


There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building![/COLOR]
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband



[FONT=Tahoma]On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

[COLOR=green]Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.


" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


*********

Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth !
(

[olinda]

Sometimes we need to use computer keys in our lives.
Like when things go wrong or we get upset at someone,
we need to use the DELETE key to rid ourselves of that.
We need to SHIFT our thinking and SPACE ourselves,
INSERT some love, think of an ALTERNATE route.
BACKSPACE and ENTER into God's presence
so that we can go HOME in the END ~

from my old mail box

__________________

[Greight]

What are tongue-twisters ?


A tongue-twister is a sequence of words, typically of an alliterative kind, that are difficult to pronounce quickly and correctly


Ok , we put them here
:5:

[Greight]

She sells sea shells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.





Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
How many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked

[Greight]

There are things around us to which we don't pay any attebtion
Let's ponder about some of them here
That will be FUN:27:

[Greight]

Why does your nose run and your feet smell
:27::31::31:

[Greight]

Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills

[Greight]

A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies

I saw a saw that could out saw any other saw I ever saw.

Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said "this butter's bitter! But a bit
of better butter will but make my butter better" So she bought some better
butter, better than the bitter butter, and it made her butter better so 'twas



Black bug bit a big black bear. But where is the big black bear that the big black bug bit?

A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug back.

If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.



I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

if a sledering snail went down a slippery slide would a snail sleder or slide down the slide-


bubble bobble, bubble bobble, bubble bobble

These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue .

Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[Greight]

Sanjeev's sixth sheep is sick


Double bubble gum, bubbles double.


Betty bought butter but the butter was bitter, so Betty bought better butter to make the bitter butter better.


A sailor went to sea To see, what he could see. And all he could see Was sea, sea, sea.



A box of mixed biscuits, a mixed biscuit box.


Upper roller lower roller Upper roller lower roller.


Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People


If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch? ...sent by Richard Walsh.


SIXTH SICK SHEIK'S SIXTH SICK SHEEP




Which watch did which witch wear and which witch wore which watch?


Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.


I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.


Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"



How much wood could a wood chuck; chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!


Paresh P Patel plans to peel potatoes in Pune

An Ape hates grape cakes.


She sells sea shells on the sea shore she sells sea shells no more - By Sethna Hilla


I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. And on a slitted sheet I sit. I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. The sheet I slit, that sheet was it.



Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.


SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE ,
BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS,
ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

A skunk sat on a stump. The stump thought the skunk stunk. the skunk thought the stump stunk . What stunk the skunk or the stump?


The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.


If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?



baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo......


My Bhaiya buys black Bananas by the bunch.


The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.


Daddy draws doors.Daddy draws doors.Daddy draws doors.


Do tongue twisters twist your tongue?


Friendly Fleas and Fire Flies


If you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.



Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, FuzzyWuzzy wasn't very fuzzy... was he???


How many cans can a canner can, if a canner can can cans?
A canner can can as many cans as a canner can, if a canner can can cans.


How much wood could a wood chopper chop, if a wood chopper could chop wood?


If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?


If Freaky Fred Found Fifty Feet of Fruit and Fed Forty Feet to his Friend Frank how many Feet of Fruit did Freaky Fred Find?


Penny's pretty pink piggy bank


"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"


A tutor who tooted the flute, tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, 'Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?'


One smart fellow, he felt smart. Two smart fellows, they felt smart. Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.



Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
wheres the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?


Black bug's blood.

Crisp crusts crackle and crunch.


It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you off in!


Tie a knot, tie a knot.
Tie a tight, tight knot.
Tie a knot in the shape of a nought.

Freshly-fried fat flying fish

Rubber baby-buggy bumpers.

Jolly juggling jesters jauntily juggled jingling jacks.


Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king's kitchen.

[Greight]

When sign makers go on strike is there anything written on their signs:

[H M R 0 0 7]

1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It leads to more honest communications.

3. It reduces complaints about low pay.

4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

5. It encourages car pooling.

6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.

7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

8. It makes fellow employees look better.

9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.


11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

12. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar.

13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

15. Increases the chance of seeing your co-workers naked.

16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

17. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as “gross.”

[H M R 0 0 7]

Mindball is a two person game controlled by players’ brain waves. Players, wearing headbands, sit opposite to each other at the Mindball table. The ball moves on the playing area back and forth until it rolls into one of the player’s goal. Mindball requires players to relax so that they can focus. The players’ brain activity is graphed in a diagram so that the public can follow the players’ mental processes during the match.


[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[A r c h i]

seems to be a weird game :46:, Thanks Hossein:11:l

[bidastar]

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity.
مصاحبه اي بود در شبكه سي ان بي سي با آقاي وارنر بافيت، دومين مرد ثروتمند دنيا كه مبلغ 31 بيليون دلار به موسسه خيريه بخشيده بود.

Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:
در اينجا برخي از جلوه هاي جالب زندگي وي بيان شده:

1. He bought his first share of stock at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!
1- او اولين سهامش را در 11 سالگي خريد و هم اكنون از اينكه دير شروع كرده ابراز پشيماني مي نمايد!
2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.
2- او از درآمد مربوط به شغل توزيع روزنامه ها، يك مزرعه كوچك در سن 14 سالگي خريد.
3. He still lives in the same, small 3-bedroom house in midtown Omaha , that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.
3- او هنوز در همان خانه كوچك 3 اتاق خوابه واقع در مركز شهر اوماها زندگي مي كند كه 50 سال قبل پس از ازدواج آنرا خريد. او مي گويد هر آنچه كه نيازمند آن مي باشد، درآن خانه وجود دارد. خانه اش فاقد هرگونه ديوار يا حصاري مي باشد.
4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.
4- او همواره خودش اتومبيل شخصي خود را مي راند و هيچ راننده يا محافظ شخصي ندارد.
5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.
5- او هرگز بوسيله جت شخصي سفر نمي كند هرچند كه مالك بزرگترين شركت جت شخصي دنيا مي باشد.
6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies.He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these ompanies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules.
6- شركت وي به نام بركشاير هات وي، مشتمل بر 63 شركت مي باشد. او هرساله تنها يك نامه به مديران اجرائي اين شركتها مي نويسد و اهداف آن سال را به ايشان ابلاغ مي نمايد. او هرگز جلسات يا مكالمات تلفني را بر مبناي يك شيوه قاعده مند برگزار نمي نمايد. او به مديران اجرائي خود 2 اصل آموخته است:
Rule number 1: Do not lose any of your shareholder' s money.
اصل اول: هرگز ذره اي از پول سهامداران خود را هدر ندهيد.
Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
اصل دوم: اصل اول را فراموش نكنيد.
7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His pastime after he gets home is to make himself some popcorn and watch television.

7- او به كارهاي اجتماعي شلوغ تمايلي ندارد. سرگرمي او پس از بازگشتن به منزل، درست كردن مقداري ذرت بوداده (پاپكورن) و تماشاي تلويزيون مي باشد.
8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man, met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So, he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
8- تنها 5 سال پيش بود كه بيل گيتس، ثروتمندترين مرد دنيا، او را براي اولين بار ملاقات نمود. بيل گيتس فكر نمي كرد وجه مشتركي با وارنر بافيت داشته باشد. به همين دليل او ملاقاتش را تنها براي نيم ساعت برنامه ريزي نموده بود. اما هنگامي كه بيل گيتس او را ملاقات نمود، ملاقات آنها به مدت 10 ساعت به طول انجاميد و بيل گيتس يكي از شيفتگان وارنر بافيت شده بود.
9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a omputer on his desk. His advice to young people: 'Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and remember:
9- وارنر بافيت نه با خودش تلفن همراه حمل مي كند و نه كامپيوتري بر روي ميزكارش دارد. توصيه اش به جوانان اينست كه: از كارتهاي اعتباري دوري نموده و به خود متكي بوده و بخاطر داشته باشند كه:
A.
Money doesn't create man, but it is the man who created money.
الف) پول انسان را نمي سازد، بلكه انسان است كه پول را ساخته.
B.
Live your life as simple as you are.
ب) تا حد امكان ساده زندگي كنيد.
C.
Don't do what others say. Just listen to them, but do what makes you feel good.
ج) آنچه كه ديگران مي گويند انجام ندهيد. تنها به آنها گوش فرا دهيد و فقط آن چيزي را انجام دهيد كه احساس خوبي را به شما عرضه مي كند.
D.
Don't go on brand name. Wear those things in which you feel comfortable.
د) بدنبال ماركهاي معروف نباشد. آن چيزهائي را بپوشيد كه به شما احساس راحتي دست ميدهد.
E.
Don't waste your money on unnecessary things. Spend on those who really are in need.
ه) پول خود را بخاطر چيزهاي غير ضروري هدر ندهيد. تنها بخاطر چيزهائي خرج كنيد كه واقعا به آنها نياز داريد.
F.
After all, it's your life. Why give others the chance to rule your
life?'
و) نكته آخر اينكه، اين زندگي شماست. چرا به ديگران اين فرصت را مي دهيد كه براي زندگيتان تعيين تكليف نمايند؟

[www.babakebadi.com]

I enjoyed it
thank you

[www.babakebadi.com]

Its more than just curiosity's for me, I love to learn more about it, can you give me your reference please
?.

[bidastar]

Introduction



Food allergies can cause severe reactions, so avoiding foods that cause them is critical. But it can be hard to know whether foods contain ingredients you're allergic to, especially when eating out. Knowing common hidden sources of food allergens can help.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has identified eight major food allergens:

Milk
Eggs
Peanuts
Tree nuts (such as almonds, cashew, walnuts)
Fish (such as bass, cod, flounder)
Shellfish (such as crab, lobster, shrimp)
Soy
Wheat
Click on the tabs to the left corresponding to the major food allergens to see some possible sources of hidden food allergens. This is not a complete list; ingredients and food preparation and processing vary


Hidden sources of milk and dairy products

Deli slicers. These slicers often are used for both meats and cheeses.
Tuna. Some brands of canned tuna contain casein, a milk protein.
'Nondairy' products. Some products claiming to be "nondairy" actually contain milk derivatives.
Meat. Some meats contain a milk protein (casein) as a binding agent.
Restaurant-prepared steak. Many restaurants add butter to their steaks after grilling, to enhance flavor.
Certain medications. Some medications, such as Benadryl capsules, use a milk derivative (lactose) as a filler.

Hidden sources of eggs

Specialty drinks. Eggs may be used to create the foam topping on specialty coffee drinks or in certain mixed drinks.
Egg substitutes. Some brands of egg substitutes contain egg whites.
Pasta. Some processed cooked pastas contain eggs or are processed on equipment also used to produce egg-containing pastas.
Cosmetics, shampoos and medicines. These sometimes contain egg proteins or derivatives of egg proteins that could possibly trigger an allergic reaction — even if you aren't eating them

Hidden sources of peanuts

Artificial nuts. Some artificial nuts are peanut-based with flavoring added to make them taste like other nuts, such as walnuts or pecans. For example, mandelonas are peanuts soaked in almond flavoring.
Arachis oil. This is another name for peanut oil.
Chocolate candies. Many chocolate candies are produced on equipment also used for processing peanuts or peanut-containing foods. Cross-contact is common.
Cultural foods. Many African, Chinese, Indonesian, Mexican, Thai and Vietnamese dishes often contain peanuts or are exposed to peanuts during restaurant preparation.
Specialty baked goods and ice cream. Foods sold in bakeries and ice-cream shops often come in contact with peanuts.
Sunflower seeds. Many brands of sunflower seeds are manufactured on equipment also used to produce peanuts.
Nut butters. Many nut butters, such as cashew nut butter, are processed on the same equipment used to make peanut butter.
Saliva. Allergy-causing proteins from peanuts and other food allergens can be passed through the saliva by kissing or sharing utensils, straws or cups with someone who has recently eaten peanuts — even after just brushing teeth or chewing gum.

Hidden sources of tree nuts

Flavorings. Natural and artificial flavorings may contain tree nuts.
Mortadella. This type of smoked sausage, made of pork, beef, wine and spices, may also contain pistachio nuts.
Other foods. Tree nuts may be used in many foods, including barbecue sauce, cereals, crackers and ice cream.
Household items. Some toys and beanbags may be filled with stuffing made from crushed nut shells.

[bidastar]

Defining Cancer
Cancer is a term used for diseases in which abnormal cells divide without control and are able to invade other tissues. Cancer cells can spread to other parts of the body through the blood and lymph systems.

Cancer is not just one disease but many diseases. There are more than 100 different types of cancer. Most cancers are named for the organ or type of cell in which they start - for example, cancer that begins in the colon is called colon cancer; cancer that begins in basal cells of the skin is called basal cell carcinoma.

Cancer types can be grouped into broader categories. The main categories of cancer include:

Carcinoma - cancer that begins in the skin or in tissues that line or cover internal organs.
Sarcoma - cancer that begins in bone, cartilage, fat, muscle, blood vessels, or other connective or supportive tissue.
Leukemia - cancer that starts in blood-forming tissue such as the bone marrow and causes large numbers of abnormal blood cells to be produced and enter the blood.
Lymphoma and myeloma - cancers that begin in the cells of the immune system.
Central nervous system cancers - cancers that begin in the tissues of the brain and spinal cord.


Origins of Cancer
All cancers begin in cells, the body's basic unit of life. To understand cancer, it's helpful to know what happens when normal cells become cancer cells.

The body is made up of many types of cells. These cells grow and divide in a controlled way to produce more cells as they are needed to keep the body healthy. When cells become old or damaged, they die and are replaced with new cells.

However, sometimes this orderly process goes wrong. The genetic material (DNA) of a cell can become damaged or changed, producing mutations that affect normal cell growth and division. When this happens, cells do not die when they should and new cells form when the body does not need them. The extra cells may form a mass of tissue called a tumor.

Not all tumors are cancerous; tumors can be benign or malignant.

Benign tumors aren't cancerous. They can often be removed, and, in most cases, they do not come back. Cells in benign tumors do not spread to other parts of the body.
Malignant tumors are cancerous. Cells in these tumors can invade nearby tissues and spread to other parts of the body. The spread of cancer from one part of the body to another is called metastasis.
Some cancers do not form tumors. For example, leukemia is a cancer of the bone marrow and blood

[bidastar]

سال ها چه به تنهايي مي گذرند،
پيش از آنکه در کنار تو بياسايم.

How lonely all the years will run
Until irest by these.
Lord de tabley
***************
خداوند ناظر ميان ما باشد،
هنگامي که من وتو از هم دوريم.

May the lord keep watch between you
And me when we are away from each other.
The Bible
*****************
دوري ميان من وتو
مانند زمستان است.

How like a winter hath my absence
Been from thee.
William Shakespeare
********************
بيش از اين نمي توانم تنها بمانم
محبوبم،بيش از اين نمي توانم
قلب فرسوده ام وحشيانه مي تپد
وبراي تو خواهد شکست.

I cannot be more lonelier,
More dear,I cannot be,
My worn hear throbs so wildly
Twill break for thee.
Emily Bronte
********************
قول بده که هرگز فراموشم نکني،
زيرا اگر تصور مي کردم
که فراموشم خواهي کرد
هرگز نمي رفتم.

Promise me,pooh,that you wont
Forget me ever,because if Ithought
You would,I wouldnot leave.
A.A. milne
*********************
هيچ چيز مانند دوري دوستان زمين را
چنين فراخ نمي کند.دوري دوستان
طول وعرض جغرافيايي را تشکيل مي دهد.

Nothing makes the earch seem so spacious
As to have friends at a distance:they make
The latitudes and longitudes.
Henry David Thoreau


winds but we can adjust
the sails

ما نميتوانيم بادها را هدايت کنيم
اما مي توانيم
بادبانهاي خود را تنظيم نماييم
*****************************
Prayer doesn t
necessarily change things
for you it
changes you for things
عبادت
الزاما حوادث را براي شما تغيير نمي دهد
بلکه شما را براي تحمل آنها تغيير مي دهد
**************************************
Failures are like skinned
knees painful but
superficial
شکست
مانند زانوهاي مجروح شده است
دردناک اما سطحي است
****************************************
Its a funny thing abut
life if you refuse to accept
anything but the abest
you very often get it
يک نکته بامزه درباره زندگي اينست که
اگر شما از پذيرش هر چيزي بجز بهترينها امتناع کنيد
در اغلب موارد آنرا بدست مي آوريد
*********************************************
When in doubt tell
the truth
وقتي در شکيد
حقيقت را بگويي
******************************************
Exercising is like putting
money in the bank
you start drawing from your
account as you get older
ورزش کردن
مانند ذخيره سازي پول در حساب بانکي مي باشد
همينکه سنتان بالا رفت
از پس انداز خود برداشت مي کنيد
****************************************
Happiness is not the
absence of problems but the
ability to deal with them
شادماني
فقدان مشکل نيست
بلکه توانايي کنار آمدن با آنهاست
**************************************
We make a living by
what we get
we make a life by
what we give
ما حيات خود را
با آنچه به دست مي آوريم تأ مين مي کنيم
ما زندگي خود را
با آنچه مي بخشيم مي سازيم
**********************************************
Success isn t a result of
spontaneous combustion
you must set yourself on fire
موفقيت
نتيجه سوختن هاي گذرا نيست
شما بايستي خود را در آتش بيفکنيد
************************************************** **
The guieter you become
the more you can hear
هرچه بيشتر سکوت کنيد
بيشتر مي توانيد
بشنويد

[H M R 0 0 7]

Its more than just curiosity's for me, I love to learn more about it, can you give me your reference please
?.


Sorry,my reference wrote just this text .

[alizali]

If you have problems with getting your students interested and motivated - you might find these stories useful.
Most of them are packed with exercises you can use, so they could be a great help for a busy teacher.
They are divided into four categories: crime, funny, people and various, and their basic function is to encourage students to use the second language intuitively and actively, in contrast to passive soaking up of information.

crime:
Dumb crimes
Is it really a suicide?
The landlady (by Roald Dahl)
The man who sold the Eiffel Tower
The Murders in the Rue Morgue

funny:
A lawyer
A little supper joke
A problem with H
Can stupidity kill you?
Can you give me a push?
A cleaning lady
Excuse My Ignorance
Having a bad day
Holmes and Watson
I never eat anything for luncheon
I will eat it
I've shot them
Killing a bear with an umbrella
Mothers
A priest and his assistant
Riddles and jokes
The awful fate of Melpomenus Jones
The CIA job
The maid
The talking mule
The water closet
Things are not always what they seem
Too stupid (to own a computer)
The washroom story and Einstein's chauffeur
What a sound!
Who wants to be a millionaire?

people:
Albert Einstein
Allison Lapper
Aristotle
Charlie Chaplin
Hunter Patch Adams
People - facts
Steve Jobs
The left-handers

various:
A five-pound note
A glimpse of our world
A letter (by Daniil Kharms)
The closet
Dish soap for dinner
Gestures
Languages and English quiz
Love - What is meant by love?
Mouse found in PC
Strange news
OK
Tales of the unexpected
Trivia about humanity
Washing hands


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[A r c h i]

ok..This is a topic that I will merge all articles in it, little by little

[Greight]

Excuse me
Can u define the meaning of ARTICLE
Im completely confused by the contents of this thread

You have merged some of my posts to this thread
WHY?
Cause u have become the moderator
?!

[Antonio Andolini]

I think its better to change the topic's name

[Greight]

You tell me what name is suitable for this thread
It's a mixture of everything
!!!!!!!

[saman007spy]

گفتـــــــــگو بــــــا خـــــــدا


I dreamed I had an interview with god
خواب ديدم در خواب با خدا گفتگويي داشتم

God asked
خدا گفت

So you would like to interview me
پس مي خواهي با من گفتگو کني؟

I said ,If you have the time
گفتم اگر وقت داشته باشيد

God smiled
خدا لبخند زد !

My time is eternity
وقت من ابدي است

What questions do you have in mind for me
چه سوالاتي در ذهن داري که مي خواهي از من بپرسي ؟

What surprises you most about human kind
چه چيز بيش از همه شما را در مورد انسان متعجب مي کند ؟

God answered
خدا پاسخ داد :

That they get bored with child hood
اين که آنها از بودن در دوران کودکي ملول مي شوند

They rush to grow up and then
عجله دارند زودتر بزرگ شوند و بعد

long to be children again
حسرت دوران کودکي را مي خورند

That they lose their health to make money
اينکه سلامتشان را صرف به دست آوردن پول مي کنند

and then
و بعد

lose their money to restore their health
پولشان را خرج حفظ سلامتي مي کنند

That by thinking anxiously about the future
اينکه با نگراني نسبت به آينده

They forget the present
زمان حال را فراموش مي کنند

such that they live in nether the present
آنچنان که ديگر نه در حال زندگي مي کنند

And not the future
نه در آينده

That they live as if they will never die
اين که چنان زندگي مي کنند که گويي ، نخواهند مرد

and die as if they had never lived
و آنچنان مي ميرند که گويي هرگز نبوده اند

God's hand took mine and
خداوند دستهاي مرا در دست گرفت

we were silent for a while
و مدتي هر دو ساکت مانديم

And then I asked
بعد پرسيدم

As the creator of people
به عنوان خالق انسانها

What are some of life lessons you want them to learn
مي خواهيد آنها چه درسهايي از زندگي را ياد بگيرند ؟

God replied with a smile
خداوند با لبخند پاسخ داد :

To learn they can not make any one love them
ياد بگيرند که نمي توان ديگران را مجبور به دوست داشتن خود كرد

but they can do is let themselves be loved
اما مي توان محبوب ديگران شد

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others
ياد بگيرند که خوب نيست خود را با ديگران مقايسه کنند

To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most
ياد بگيرند که ثروتمند کسي نيست که دارايي بيشتري دارد

but is one who needs the least
بلکه کسي است که نياز کمتري دارد

To learn that it takes only a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love
ياد بگيرند که ظرف چند ثانيه مي توانيم زخمي عميق در دل کساني که دوستشان داريم ايجاد کنيم

and it takes many years to heal them
ولي سالها وقت لازم خواهد بود تا آن زخم التيام يابد

To learn to forgive by practicing for giveness
با بخشيدن بخشش ياد بگيرند

T o learn that there are persons who love them dearly
ياد بگيرند کساني هستند که آنها را عميقا دوست دارند

But simly do not know how to express or show their feelings
اما بلد نيستند احساسشان را ابراز کنند يا نشان دهند

To learn that two people can look at the same thing
ياد بگيرند که مي شود دو نفر به يک موضوع واحد نگاه کنند

and see it differently
اما آن را متفاوت ببينند

To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others
ياد بگيرند که هميشه کافي نيست ديگران آنها را ببخشند

The must forgive themselves
بلکه خودشان هم بايد خود را ببخشند

And to learn that I am here
و ياد بگيرند که من اينجا هستم

ALWAYS
هميشه

[olinda]

Hay all read this intresting dialoge between the two.....it makes sense



INTERESTING CONVERSATION
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy speaks to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY.
He asks one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor: You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor: Is GOD Good?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My Brother died of Cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't.
How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent )

Professor: You can't answer, can you?
Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does Satan come from?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor: That's right.
Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ?
And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them?

(Student has no answer )

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor: Yet you still believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor: According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.

(The Lecture Theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events)

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat,
White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat...
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat,
but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There is Pin - Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something
You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it's called
Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, Young Man?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death,
a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite,
Something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen,
Much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved
from a Monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process,
Yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument is going )

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On - Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class is in Uproar )

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

( The Class breaks out into Laughter )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable,
Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room is Silent. The Professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . .
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Moving & Alive.

NB:
I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so . . .
You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you?
Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH.

It turned out later that the student is Albert Einstein.

[jack-of-all-trades]

Things to think about kids
You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children
Mothers of teens now know "why" some animals eat their young
Children seldom miss quote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there "are" children more awful than your own
We child proof our homes ... But they are still getting in


Advice for the Day
Be nice to your kids
...They" will choose your nursing home"
...And finally
If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches too
"Do what the aspirin bottle says"
Take 2 aspirin and ... "Keep Away From Children"

[olinda]

> A Teacher teaching Maths to a seven year-old Arnav asked him, “If I give
> you one apple and one apple and one more apple, how many apples will you
> have?”
>
>
> Within a few seconds Arnav replied confidently, “Four!”
>
>
> The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three).
> She was disappointed. “Maybe the child did not listen properly”, she
> thought. She repeated, “Arnav, listen carefully. It is very simple. You
> will be able to do it right if you listen carefully. If I give you one
> apple and one apple and one more apple, how many apples will you have?”
>
>
> Arnav had seen the disappointment on his teacher’s face. He calculated
> again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer
> that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the
> correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time
> hesitatingly he replied. “Four…..”
>
>
> The disappointed stayed on the teacher’s face. She remembered Arnav loves
> Strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn’t like apples and that is making
> him lose focus. This time with exaggerated excitement and twinkling eyes
> she asked, “If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one more
> strawberry, they how many will Arnav have?”
>
>
> Seeing the teacher happy, young Arnav calculated on his fingers again.
> There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her
> new approach to succeed. With a hesitating smile young Arnav enquired,
> “Three”?
>
>
> The teacher now had victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She
> wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she
> asked him, “Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple,
> how many will you have?”
>
>
> Promptly Arnav answered, “Four!”
>
>
> The teacher was aghast. ”How Arnav, How?” she demanded in a little stern
> and irritated voice.
>
>
> In a voice that was law and hesitating young Arnav replied, “Because I
> already have on apple in my bag”
>
>
> Morale of the Story: When someone gives us an answer that is different from
> what we are expecting, not necessarily they are wrong. There maybe an angle
> that we have not understood at all.
>

[seymour]

these kind'a stories are fun to read ... but nothin' more[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] .. I can argue that the teacher is right and the answer is 3 because the 4th apple is not a part of the problem-solving space/process ... even a seven years old has enough knowledge on this level of abstraction ...



but then again , that's just me ... and yes , who can beat the morale of these stories [ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]!!!

[olinda]

1- If six children and two dogs were under just one umbrella, how come (why) none of them get wet. It was not raining.

2- How can you jump off a fifty foot ladder without getting hurt? Jump off the bottom rung.

3- Two father and two sons went fishing. Each fisherman caught a fish, yet only three fish were caught. How is this possible? A boy, his father and his grandfather went fishing together.

4- It takes twelve one-cent stamps to make a dozen. How many six-cent stamps does it take to make a dozen? Twelve. It takes only twelve of anything to make a dozen.

5- IF YOU HAVE FIVE POTATOES AND YOU HAVE TO DIVIDE THEM EQUALLY AMONG THREE PEOPLE, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? Mesh them first.

6- - How do you make seven even? Take off the S.

7- - What is the similarity between 2+2=5 and your left hand? Neither is right.

[olinda]

How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)



1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.


2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain


3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal

SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.


4... HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.

SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.


5. HE's not in the office..
He's meeting with customers.

SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.


6. HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.

SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.


7. The boss criticised HIM.
He'll prove his performance.

The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.


8. HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?

SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?


9. HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.

SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.


10. HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.

SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.


11. HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.

SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?
([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])

12. HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]) dependable.

[bersam]

Comic Books

plz say your Viewpoint






.

[bersam]

HellBoy series !:

Hellboy-A-Christmas-Underground :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید


Hellboy-Almost-Colossus :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید


Hellboy-The-Baba-Yaga :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید


Hellboy-The-Chained-Coffin :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید



---------------------------------


Buffy:Bad Dog

part:::1


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید


part:::2


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید



---------------------------------


My Brother's Friend



برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[bersam]

It's Christmas Eve and Hellboy is on a mission to save old Mrs. Hatch and her daughter from the evil that lurks below.

Hellboy-A-Christmas-Underground :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[bersam]

Hellboy searches for the Homunculus in Romania in the hope of saving Liz Sherman

Hellboy-Almost-Colossus :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[bersam]

Each year on this night The Baba Yaga comes to call up dead sinners and count their fingers.

Hellboy-The-Baba-Yaga :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[bersam]

Hellboy travels to the place of his birth to investigate the mystery of his origins.

Hellboy-The-Chained-Coffin :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[bersam]

Buffy:Bad Dog:::::::part 1

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[bersam]

Buffy:Bad Dog:::::::part 2

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[bersam]

If you want more ! plz say your viewpoint ! i want in per page just 1 or 2 comic upload !





.

[bersam]

My Brother's Friends



برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

به دلیل بالا بودن حجم عکس ها لینک غیر مستقیم گزاشتم !البته این سری یکم بچگونه هست !!!!!! ولی به هر حال فانتزی جالبی داره !(انگلیسیش رو بلد نبودم !!! کسی بلد بود تغییرش بده !!!!!!!!)


all pictures in a zip file !!!!


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[bersam]

Bold Blood ::: Part 1&2


[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

لینک جدا :


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید


برای مشاهده محتوا ، لطفا وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید

[olinda]

Ring!



An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.

He told the jeweler He was looking for a special ring for his
girlfriend, the jeweler looked through his stock and brought a
stunning ring at $40,000!
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement; the old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man said: 'By
check, I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write It now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon.'
Monday morning, a very upset jeweler phoned the old man and said:

'There's no money in that account.'
'I know', said the old man, 'but can you imagine the weekend I had?'

[olinda]

The G Protein Samba
(to the tune of Besame Mucho - Lyrics by Stanley Cohn)
Come to me my little G Protein
Come to me, Cling to me, Sing to me all through the night
Come to me my darling G Protein
Ive washed off my ions and have a nice clean binding site

Come to me my little G Protein
You know I am nothing without you right here by my side
Come to me my little G Protein
You know how I get when I look at your nucleotide

Leave that old receptor youve been playing with
Hell just excite you then shove you away
Together well wander the wonders of the membrane face
And well make little second messengers night and day

Come to me my little G Protein
You know that without you I feel so alone and bereft
Come to me my little G Protein
Cause I want to nuzzle some epitopes next to your cleft

Remember our first date, you taught me to phosphorylate
And now I know that our love will never fail
I want to slowly remove your outer subunits
Get rid of beta and gamma, cause Im just an alpha male

Come to me my little G Protein
You know that my sites always active when you turn me on.
Come to me my little G Protein
Cause my greatest wish cant you see
Is to hydrolyze your GTP
Just leave all the others and come....
Come to Me!

[Antonio Andolini]

The article which I like a lot. I read it on Select Readings(upper intermediate) by Jean Bernard and Linda Lee some months ago


I once asked advertising legend Carl Ally what make the creative person tick. Ally responded:The creative person wants to be a know-it-all.He wants to know about all kinds of things:ancient history,nineteenth century mathematics,current manufacturing techniques ,...
Because he never knows when these ideas might come together to form a new idea. It may happen six minutes later or six years down the road. But he has faith that it will happen."

I agree wholeheartedly. Knowledge is the stuff which new ideas are made. Nonetheless,knowledge alone won't make a person creative. I think that we've all known people who knew lots of fact and nothing creative happened.Their knowledge just sat in their crania because they didn't think about what they knew in any new ways. The real key to being creative lies in what you do with your knowledge.

Creative thinking requires an attitude that allows you to search for ideas and manipulate your knowledge and experience. With this outlook, you try various approaches, first one, then another, often not getting anywhere. You use carzy,foolish, and impractical ideas as stepping stones to practical new ideas. You break the rules occasionally , and explore for ideas for ideas in unusual outside places, In short, by adopting a creative outlook you open yourself up both to new possibilities and to change
.

A good example of a person who did this is Johann Gutenberg.What Gutenberg did was combine two previously unconnected ideas: the wine press and the coin punch. The purpose of the coin punch was to leave an image on a small area such as gold coin. The function of the wine press was, and still is, to apply force over a large area to squeeze the juice out of grapes. One day, Gutenberg, perhaps after he'd drunk a goblet or two of wine, playfully asked himself,"What if I took a bunch of these coin punches and put them under the force of the wine press so that they left their image on paprer?" The resulting combination was the printing press and movable type
.

Then there's Pablo Picasso. One day, he went outside his house and found an old bicycle. He look at it for a little bit and took off the seat and the handle bars. Then he welded them together to create the head of a bull
.

Each of these example illustrates the creative mind's power to transform one thing into another. By changing perspective and playing with our knowledge, we can make the ordinary extraordinary and the unusual commonplace. In this way,wine presses squeeze out information and bicycle seats turns into bull's head

The Nobel Prize winning physician Albet Szent Gyorgyi put it well when he said: Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different



to be continue



Source:

A whack on the side of the Head:you can be more creative by Roger von Oech

This best-selling book has been praised by business leaders,educators,artists,and anyone hoping to unlock the power of the mind to think creatively. It has been translated into 11languages and used in seminars around the world

[Antonio Andolini]

why don't we "think something different" more often? There are several main reasons. The first is that we don't need to be creative for most of what we do. for example we don't need to be creative when we're driving on the freeway or riding in an elevator or waiting in line at a grocery store. we are creatures of habit when it comes to the business of living-everything from doing paperwork to tying our shoes to haggling with telephone solicitors
for most of our activities these routines are indispensable. without them ,our lives would be in chaos, and we wouldn't get much accomplished. if you got up this morning and started contemplating the bristles on your toothbrush or questioning the meaning of toast, you probably wouldn't make it to work. staying on routine thought paths enables us to do the many things we need to do without having to think about them.
another reason we're not more creative is that we haven't been taught to be. much of our educational system is an elaborate game of "guess what teacher is thinking" . many of us have been taught to think that the best ideas are in someones else's head. How many of your teachers asked you,"What original ideas do you have?"
There are times,however, when you need to be creative and generate new ways to accomplish your objectives. when this happens ,your own belief systems may prevent you from doing so. Here we come to a third reason why we don't "think something different" more often. Most of us have certain attitudes that lock our thinking into the status quo and keep us thinking "more of the same." These attitudes are necessary for most of what we do,but they can get in the way when we're trying to be creative.

[My History]

merc, jaleb va khandani bud

[Kurosh]

Hi everybody, I found something interesting and I couldn't find whether it is posted in the forum or not, anyway
 
 
 
 

تا حالا به این فکر کردید که طولانی ترین کلمه انگلیسی چیه؟ و یا حتی می تونید حدس بزنید چند حرف داره؟
 

در میان کلمات کلیه فرهنگ لغات انگلیسی کلمه "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" که نام یک بیماری شش است با 45 حرف طولانی ترین کلمه است.
 

در میان کلمات غیرفنی کلمه "flocci­nauci­nihili­pili­fication" با 29 حرف بیشترین طول را دارد و به معنای "هیچی" است (حالا خوبه هیچیه اگه یه چیزی میشد چند حرف داشت:دی).
 

در میان اسامی مکانها تپه زیر در نیوزلند با نام 85 حرفی
 

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapiki maungaho-
ronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu
 
 

l
 

[Antonio Andolini]

the article which I've read it a million times:10: .... it helps me to solve many of my problems .. both social problems and my homework problems and I could enjoy my life:20: .. I do recommend you to read it .. it's very interesting and you wont close your window easily:31:

The art of Genius: six ways to think like Einstein

How do geniuses come up with ideas? What links the thinking style that produced Mona lisa with the one that spawned the theory of relativity? What can we learn from the thinking strategies of the Galileos,Edisons and Mozarts of history?

For years, scholars tried to study genius by analyzing statistics. In 1904, Havelock Ellis noted that most geniuses were fathered by men older than 30, had mothers younger than 25, and usually were sickly children. Other researchers reported that many were celibate(Descartes),fatherless(Dickens) or motherless(Darwin). In the end, the data illuminated nothing.

Academics also tired to measure the links between intelligence and genius. But they found that run-of-the-mill physicists had IQs much higher than Nobel Prize winner and extraordinary genius Richard Feynman, whose IQ was a merely respectable 122.Genius is not about mastering 14 languages at the age of seven or even being especially smart. Creativity is not the same as intelligence.

Most people of average intelligence can figure out the expected conventional response to a given problem. For example, when asked "what is one-half of 13?" most of us immediately answer six and one half. That's tend because we tend to think reproductively. When confronted with a problem, we soft through what we have been taught and what has worked for us in the past, select the most promising approach , and work toward the solution.

Geniuses, on the other hand, think productivity. They ask: "how many different ways can I look at this problem?" and "how many ways can I solve it?" A productive thinker, for example, would find a number of ways to "halve13":

6.5

1/3=1 and 3

THIR TEEN=4

XI/II=11 and 2

The mark of genius is the willingness to explore all the alternatives, not just the most likely solution. Reproductive thinking fosters rigidity. This is why we often fail when we're confronted with a new problem that appears on the surface to be similar to others we've solved, but is, in fact, significantly different. Interpreting a problem through your past experience will inevitable lead you astray. If you think the way you've always thought, you'll get what you've always gotten.

For centuries, the Swiss dominated the watch industry. But in 1968, when a U.S inventor unveiled a battery-powered watch at the world Watch Congress, every Swiss watch manufacturer rejected it because it didn't fit their limited paradigm. Meanwhile, Seiko, a Japanese electronics company,took one look at the invention and proceed to change the future of the world watch market.

By studying the notebooks, correspondence, and conversations of some the world's great thinkers in science,art,and industry, scholars have identified the following thinking strategies that enable geniuses to generate original ideas:



Geniuses look at problems from all angles


Sigmund Freud's analytic methods were designed to find details that didn't fit traditional paradigms in order to come up with a completely new point of view. To solve a problem creatively you must abandon the first approach that comes to mind, which usually stems from past experience, and reconceptualize the problem. Geniuses do not merely solve existing problems;they identify new ones



Genius make their thought visible

Geniuses develop visual and spatial abilities that allow them to display information in new ways. The explosion pf creativity in the Renaissance was tied to the development of graphic illustration during that period, notably the scientific diagrams of Leonardo da vinci and Galileo Galilei. Galileo revolutionized science by making his thought graphically visible while his contemporaries used more conventional means
.

Geniuses produce

Thomas Edison held 1,093 patents, still a record. He guaranteed a high level of productivity by giving himself idea quotas: one minor invention every 10days and a major invention every six months. Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a canatata every week, even when he was sick or exhausted. Wolfgang Mozart produced more than 600 pieces of music
.

Geniuses make novel combinations

Like playful children with buckets of building blocks, geniuses constantly combine and recombine ideas,images, and thoughts. The laws of heredity were developed by George Mendel, who combined mathematics and biology to create a new science of genetics


Geniuses force relationships

Their facility to connect the unconnected enables geniuses to see things others miss. Da Vinci noticed the similarity between the sound of a bell and a stone hitting water- and concluded that sound travels in waves


Geniuses prepare themselves for chance.

Whenever we attempt do something and fail, we end up doing something else. That's the first principle of creative accident. We may ask ourselves why we have failed to do what we intended, which is a reasonable question. But the creative accident leads to the question: what have we done? Answering that one is a novel, unexpected way is the essential creative act. It is not luck, but creative insight of the highest order



This may be the most important lesson of all: When you find something interesting, drop everything and go with it. Too many talented people fail to make significant leaps of imagination because they've become fixated on their pre-convinced plan. But not the truly great minds. They don't wait for gifts of chance;they make them happen

select readings(intermediate)
linda Lee and Eric Gundersen
the real article is by Michael Michalko from the futurist/Utne reader

[Ramana]

English Poems

Hi Friend. How are u??? I made a good topic for your Poems. Plsssssss if you have any

poems and stories, Put it here as soon as possible

[Ramana]

I'll affect you slowly
as if you were having
a picnic in a dream.
There will be no ants.
It won't rain

[Ramana]

I didn't ask you to take me from here
I didn't ask to be broken
I didn't ask you to stroke my hair
Or treat me like a worthless token


But my skin is thick
And my mind is strong
I am built like my father was
I've done nothing wrong


So free me
I just wanna feel what life should be
I just want enough space to turn around
And face the truth
So free me


When are you gonna realize
You're just wrong
You can't even think for yourself
Can't even make up your minds
So my mind's a jail
I hate the whole goddamn human race
What the hell do you want from me
Kill me if you just don't know
Or free me


I just wanna feel what life should be
I just want enough space to turn around
Some day maybe you'll treat me like you

[Ramana]

I`m standing on the outside of your shelter looking in,
While the bombs around are falling evry where
Inside you look so warm and safe and oh so happy
Have I ever told you that I care?
Have I ever told you that you`re wonderful?
And it hurts me so that we have greon apart
I`m standing on the outside of your shelter, dear
But I hope I`m on the inside of your heart.

[Ramana]

Were the Angels don't Fly

Not of the heavens, nor Earth.
Not dead; nor given birth.

The angels in heaven start to weep.
In its precence; death you seek.

The black moon turns a bloody red.
Between life, and the dead.

Is the beast outside or within?
Breath seams like a sin.

In the grave, I run and hide.
For now; I'm not alive nor I've died.

Satan laughs at my face.
To the angels above; I pray grace.

A circle means forever.
Life and death melt together

"Edward Franklin Principe"

[Ramana]

Even when I am in bed my thoughts rush to you, my eternally beloved, now and then joyfully, then again sadly, waiting to know whether Fate will hear our prayer--To face life I must live altogether with you or never see you. Yes, I am resolved to be a wanderer abroad until I can fly to your arms and say that I have found my true home with you and enfolded in your arms can let my soul be wafted to the realm of blessed spirits--alas, unfortunately it must be so--You will become composed, the more so you know that I am faithful to you; no other woman can ever possess my heart--never--never--Oh God, why must one be separated form her who is so dear. Yet my life in V[ienna] at present is a miserable life--Your love has made me both the happiest and the unhappiest of mortals--At my age I now need stability and regularity in my life--can this coexist with our relationship?--Angel, I have just heard that the post goes every day--and therefore I must close, so that you may receive the letter immediately--Be calm; for only by calmly considering our lives can we achieve our purpose to live together--Be calm--love me--Today--yesterday--what tearful longing for you--for you--you--my life--my all--all good wishes to you--Oh, do continue to love me--never misjudge your lover's most faithful heart.
ever yours
ever mine
ever ours

[Ramana]

The love we share

When we met
I was overwhelmed
With the
Idea of you.

When we got to know
Each other
learned that you
Were a person
With strengths
And weaknesses
Like everybody else

When we got closer
I was overwhelmed
With the idea of you
And love but I am more than
Overwhelmed
With you
And the love we share

[Ramana]

Don't leave me in all this pain.
Don't leave me out in the rain.
Came back and bring back my smile.
Came and take these tears away.
I need your arms to hold me now.
The nights are so unkind.
Bring back those nights when i held you beside me.
Un-break my heart.
Say you'll love me again.
Un-do this hurt you caused.
When you walked out the door.
And walked outta my life.
Un-cry these tears.
I cried so many nights.
Un-break my heart.
My heart.
Take back that sad word good-bye.
Bring back the joy to my life.
Don't leave me here with these tears.
Came and kiss this pain away.
I don't forget the day you left.
Time is so unkind.
And life is so cruel without you here beside me.
Un-break my heart.
Say you'll love me again.
Oh baby
Sweet darling
With out you i just can't go on
Can't go on

[Ramana]

SINGER : ‍Carlos Santana - Into The Night
Into The Night lyrics


Like a gift from the heavens
It was easy to tell
It was love from above that could save me from hell
She had fire in her soul
It was easy to see
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me
There were drums in the air as she started to dance
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands and we sang

A-yo-a-yo-a-yo-a
And the voices rang like the angles sang, singing
A-yo-a-yo-a-yo-a
And we danced on into the night [2x]

Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place
You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces
We was spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes
No room left to move in between you and I
We forgot where we were and we lost track of time
And we sang to the wind as we danced through the night


A-yo-a-yo-a-yo-a
And the voices rang like the angels sang, singing
A-yo-a-yo-a-yo-a
And we danced on into the night [2x]


Like a gift from the heavens
It was easy to tell
It was love from above that could save me from hell
She had fire in her soul
It was easy to see
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me
There were drums in the air as she started to dance
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands and we sang


A-yo-a-yo-a-yo-a
And the voices rang like the angels sang, singing
A-yo-a-yo-a-yo-a [3x]
And we danced on into the night

[Ramana]

رHi to all.



I want to write some English stories from every one who writed English !!!! maybe this help's you for better English learning.



First story is from" .henry". i'll write about him in this paragraphs!!!



If you have a difficult from your translate please tell me or other my frend's in bord. but please ask your questions only hear.



And at last if there are some false word's or paragraphs please tell me that and edith that!



Thank for all.



A note about William Sydney:



William Sydney Porter was an American writer. he used the name "O.Henry". he was born on 11th september 1862 in north Carolina he did not school at the age of 15.



In 1882 , porter moved to the state of texas. he worked on a ranch. Then he left the fram and from 1854 to 1886 , he was a book-keeper in an office in Austin. He looked after the company's accounts.



William Porter married Athol Estes Roach in 1887.



Athol and William had two children , a girl and a boy.



Soon , William started writing articles and stories for magazines and newspapers.



Between 1891 and 1894 , William worked at the first national bank in Austin , texas . in 1895 , the police wanted to arrest him . he had taken money from the first national bank. William ran away from the police and he went to Honduras. He stayed in centrel America for a year.



But Athol was very ill and in 1897 , William returned to America. Athol died that same year. After that , William was in prison for three years. in the prison , he started writing short stories.

[Ramana]

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... Who arranged a running competition.

روزی از روزها گروهی از قورباغه های کوچیک تصمیم گرفتند که با
هم مسابقه ی دو بدند.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.
هدف مسابقه رسیدن به نوک یک برج خیلی بلند بود .
A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants. ...
جمعیت زیادی برای دیدن مسابقه و تشویق قورباغه ها جمع شده بودند...
The race began....
و مسابقه شروع شد ....
Honestly,no one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.
راستش, کسی توی جمعیت باور نداشت که قورباغه های به این کوچیکی بتوانند به نوک برج برسند .
You heard statements such as:
شما می تونستیدجمله هایی مثل اینها را بشنوید :
'Oh, WAY too difficult!!'
' اوه,عجب کار مشکلی !!'

'They will NEVER make it to the top.'
'اونها هیچوقت به نوک برج نمی رسند
.'
or:
یا :
'Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!'
'هیچ شانسی برای موفقیتشون نیست.برج خیلی بلند ه !'
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....
قورباغه های کوچیک یکی یکی شروع به افتادن کردند ...
Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....
بجز بعضی که هنوز با حرارت داشتند بالا وبالاتر می رفتند ...

The crowd continued to yell, 'It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!'
جمعیت هنوز ادامه می داد,'خیلی مشکله!!!هیچ کس موفق نمی شه !'

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....
و تعداد بیشتری از قورباغه ها خسته می شدند و از ادامه دادن منصرف
...
But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....
ولیفقط یکی به رفتن ادامه داد بالا, بالا و باز هم بالاتر ....

This one wouldn't give up!
این یکی نمی خواست منصرف بشه !
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the
tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!
بالاخره بقیه ازادامه ی بالا رفتن منصرف شدند.به جز اون قورباغه
کوچولو که بعد از تلاش زیاد تنها کسی بود که به نوک رسید !

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to
know how this one frog managed to do it?
بقیهی قورباغه ها مشتاقانه می خواستند بدانند او چگونه این کا ر رو
انجام داده؟
A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?
اونا ازش پرسیدند که چطور قدرت رسیدن به نوک برج و موفق شدن رو پیدا کرده؟
It turned out....
و مشخص شد که ...

That the winner was DEAF!!!!
برنده ی مسابقهکر بوده !!!

The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic. ... because they take your
most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in
your heart!

Always think of the power words have.
Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!
نتیجه ی اخلا قی این داستان اینه که :
هیچ وقت به جملات منفی و مأیوس کننده ی دیگران گوش ندید... چون
اونا زیبا ترین رویا ها و آرزوهای شما رو ازتون می گیرند--چیز هایی که از ته دلتون آرزوشون رو دارید !
همیشه به
قدرت کلمات فکر کنید .
چون هر چیزی که می خونید یا می شنوید روی اعمال شما تأثیر میگذاره
Therefore:
پس :

ALWAYS be....
همیشه ....

POSITIVE!
مثبت فکر کنید !

And above all:
و بالاتر از اون

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!
کر بشید هروقت کسی خواست به شما بگه که به آرزوهاتون نخواهید
رسید !

Always think:
و هیشه باور داشتهباشید :
God and I can do this!
من همراه خدای خودم همه کار می تونم بکنم

[Ramana]

Once a Girl when having a conversation with her lover, asked
يك بار دختري حين صحبت با پسري كه عاشقش بود، ازش پرسيد

Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?
چرا دوستم داري؟ واسه چي عاشقمي؟

I can't tell the reason... but I really like you
دليلشو نميدونم ...اما واقعا"‌دوست دارم

You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me?
تو هيچ دليلي رو نمي توني عنوان كني... پس چطور دوستم داري؟

How can you say you love me?
چطور ميتوني بگي عاشقمي؟

I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love U
من جدا"دليلشو نميدونم، اما ميتونم بهت ثابت كنم

Proof ? No! I want you to tell me the reason
ثابت كني؟ نه! من ميخوام دليلتو بگي




Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,
باشه.. باشه!!! ميگم... چون تو خوشگلي،

because your voice is sweet,
صدات گرم و خواستنيه،

because you are caring,
هميشه بهم اهميت ميدي،

because you are loving,
دوست داشتني هستي،

because you are thoughtful,
با ملاحظه هستي،

because of your smile,
بخاطر لبخندت،

The Girl felt very satisfied with the lover's answer
دختر از جوابهاي اون خيلي راضي و قانع شد

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in coma
متاسفانه، چند روز بعد، اون دختر تصادف وحشتناكي كرد و به حالت كما رفت

The Guy then placed a letter by her side
پسر نامه اي رو كنارش گذاشت با اين مضمون


Darling, Because of your sweet voice that I love you, Now can you talk?
عزيزم، گفتم بخاطر صداي گرمت عاشقتم اما حالا كه نميتوني حرف بزني، ميتوني؟

No! Therefore I cannot love you
نه ! پس ديگه نميتونم عاشقت بمونم

Because of your care and concern that I like you Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you
گفتم بخاطر اهميت دادن ها و مراقبت كردن هات دوست دارم اما حالا كه نميتوني برام اونجوري باشي، پس منم نميتونم دوست داشته باشم

Because of your smile, because of your movements that I love you
گفتم واسه لبخندات، براي حركاتت عاشقتم

Now can you smile? Now can you move? No , therefore I cannot love you
اما حالا نه ميتوني بخندي نه حركت كني پس منم نميتونم عاشقت باشم


If love needs a reason, like now, There is no reason for me to love you anymore
اگه عشق هميشه يه دليل ميخواد مثل همين الان، پس ديگه براي من دليلي واسه عاشق تو بودن وجود نداره

Does love need a reason?
عشق دليل ميخواد؟

NO! Therefore!!
نه!معلومه كه نه!!

I Still LOVE YOU...
پس من هنوز هم عاشقتم


True love never dies for it is lust that fades away
عشق واقعي هيچوقت نمي ميره

Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away
اين هوس است كه كمتر و كمتر ميشه و از بين ميره

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you"
"عشق خام و ناقص ميگه:"من دوست دارم چون بهت نياز دارم

Mature love says "I need you because I love you"
"ولي عشق كامل و پخته ميگه:"بهت نياز دارم چون دوست دارم

"Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays"
"سرنوشت تعيين ميكنه كه چه شخصي تو زندگيت وارد بشه، اما قلب حكم مي كنه كه چه شخصي در قلبت بمونه"

[Ramana]

Fred was a young soldier in a big camp. During the week they always worked very hard, but it

was Saturday, and all the young soldiers were free, so their officer said to them, 'You can

go into the town this afternoon, but first I'm going to inspect you.’

Fred came to the officer, and the officer said to him, 'Your hair's very long. Go to the barber and then come back to me again.

Fred ran to the barber's shop, but it was closed because it was Saturday. Fred was very sad for a few minutes, but then he smiled and went back to the officer.

'Are my boots clean now, sir?' he asked.

The officer did not look at Fred's hair. He looked at his boots and said, 'Yes, they're much better now. You can go out. And next week, first clean your boots, and then come to me!'


فرد سرباز جواني در يك پادگان بزرگ بود. آن‌ها هميشه در طول هفته خيلي سخت كار مي‌كردند، اما آن روز شنبه بود، و همه‌ي سربازان آزاد بودند، بنابراين افسرشان به آن‌ها گفت: امروز بعدازظهر شما مي‌توانيد به داخل شهر برويد، اما اول مي‌خواهم از شما بازديد كنم.

فرد به سوي افسر رفت، و افسر به او گفت: موهاي شما بسيار بلند است، به آرايش‌گاه برو و دوباره پيش من برگرد.

فرد به آرايش‌گاه رفت، ولي بسته بود چون آن روز شنبه بود. فرد براي چند دقيقه ناراحت شد، اما بعد خنديد، و به سوي افسر برگشت.

او (فرد) پرسيد: قربان، اكنون پوتين‌هايم تميز شدند.

افسر به مو‌هاي فرد نگاه نكرد. او به پوتين‌‌هاي فرد نگاه كرد و گفت: بله، خيلي بهتر شدند. شما مي‌تواني بروي. و هفته‌ي بعد اول پوتين‌هاي خود را تميز كن و بعد از آن پيش من بيا!.:icon_pf2 (56)::icon_pf2 (56):

[Ramana]

نکات زیر را به خاطر بسپارید.....جدی بگیرید


Answer the phone by LEFTearبرای صحبت با موبایل از گوش چپ استفاده کن



Do not drink coffee TWICE a day
روزانه بیش از دو فنجان قهوه ننوشید.



Do not take pills with COOL waterقرص و داروها را با آب خیلی سرد تناول نکنید.



Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm
بعد از ساعت 5:00 از خوردن غذای چرب خوداری کنید.



Reduce the amount of TEA you consume



مصرف چای روزانه را کم کنید



Reduce the amount ofOILYfood you consume
از مقدار غذای چرب و اشباع شده با روغن در وعده های غذایی کم کنید





Drink moreWATERin the morning, less at night
در صبح آب بيشتر و در شب آب كمتر بنوشيد.





Keep your distance from hand phoneCHARGERS
از گوشی موبایل در زمان شارژ شدن دوری کنید.



Do not use headphones/earphone forLONGperiod of time
از سمعکهای تلفن ثابت و موبایل برای مدت طولانی استفاده نکنید.





Best sleeping time is from10pmat night to6amin the morning
بهترین زمان خواب از ساعت 10:00 شب تا ساعت 6:00 صبح است





Do not lie down immediately after takingmedicinebefore sleeping
بعد ازخوردن دارو فورا" به خواب نروید.




When battery is down to theLASTgrid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 timesزمانیکه باتری موبایل ضعیف است با جایی تماس نگیرید و تماس کسی را جواب ندهید چون در این حالت امواجی که گوشی منتشر می کند 1000 برابر است




[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[Ramana]

Amir al-Muminin, peace be upon him said: When you are running away from the world and death is approaching, there is no question of delay in the encounter.

و درود خدا بر او فرمود:‌ هنگامي كه تو زندگي را پشت سر مي‌گذاري و مرگ به تو روي مي‌آورد، پس ديدار با مرگ چه زود خواهد بود

Amir al-Muminin, peace be upon him said: Be generous but not extravagant; be thrifty but not miserly.

و درود خدا بر او فرمود: بخشنده باش اما زياده روي نكن، در زندگي حساب‌گر باش اما سختگير نباش

Amir al-Muminin, peace be upon him said: The best of riches is the abandonement of desires.

و درود خدا بر او فرمود: بهترين بي نيازي ترك آرزوهاست

Amir al-Muminin, peace be upon him said: whoever prolongs his desire ruins his actions.

و درود خدا بر او فرمود: كسي كه آرزوهايش طولاني، كردارش نيز ناپسند است.

[Ramana]

Amir al-Muminin, peace be upon him, said:
The sin that displeases you is better in the view of Allah than the virtue which makes you proud.

و درود خدا بر او فرمود:
گناهي كه تو را بهتر از كار نيكي است كه تو را به خودپسندي وا دارد.

The worth of a man is according to his courage, his truthfulness is according to his balance of temper, his valour is according to his self-respect and his chasteness is according to his sense of shame.

ارزش مرد به اندازه ي همت اوست، و راستگويي او به ميزان جوانمرديش ، و شجاعت او به قدري ننگي است كه احساس مي كند ، و پاكدامني او به اندازه ي غيرت اوست .

Victory is by determination; determinations is by the turning over of thoughts, and thoughts are formed by guarding secrets.

پيروزي در دورانديشي ، و دورانديشي در بكارگيري صحيح انديشه و انديشه صحيح به رازداري است.

Fear the attack of a noble person when he is hungry and that of an ignoble person when he is satiated.

از يورش بزرگوار به هنگام گرسنگي ، و از تهاجم انسان پست به هنگام سيري ، بپرهيز

[Ramana]

سخناني زيبا از اميرمومنان علي (ع)


و درود خدا بر او فرمود:

كسي را كه نزديكانش واگذارند، بيگانه او را پذيرا باشد

Amir al-Muminin, peace be upon him said:

He who is abandoned by near ones is dear to the remote ones.

هر فريب خورده‌اي را نمي‌شود سرزنش كرد

Every mischief monger cannot even be reproved.

كارها چنان رام تقدير است كه چاره‌انديشي به مرگ مي‌انجامد

All matters are subject to destiny, so much so that sometimes death results from effort.

كسي كه كردارش او را به جايي نرساند، افتخارات خاندانش او را به جايي نخواهد رسانيد

He whose deeds accord (him) a back position cannot be given a front position because of his lineage.

كسي چيزي را در دل پنهان نكند جز آنكه در لغزش‌هاي زبان، و رنگ رخسار،‌ آشكار خواهد شد

whenever a person conceals a thing in his heart it manifests itself through unintentional words of his tongue and (in) the expressions of his face.

نيكوكار از كار نيك بهتر و بدكار از كار بد بدتر است

The doer of good is better than the good itself, and the doer of evil is worse than the evil itself

[Ramana]

Amir al-Muminin in, peace be upon him, said:
The sin that displeases you is better in the view of Allah than the virtue which makes you proud.

و درود خدا بر او فرمود:
گناهي كه تو را بهتر از كار نيكي است كه تو را به خودپسندي وا دارد.

The worth of a man is according to his courage, his truthfulness is according to his balance of temper, his valour is according to his self-respect and his chasteness is according to his sense of shame.

ارزش مرد به اندازه ي همت اوست، و راستگويي او به ميزان جوانمرديش ، و شجاعت او به قدري ننگي است كه احساس مي كند ، و پاكدامني او به اندازه ي غيرت اوست .

Victory is by determination; determinations is by the turning over of thoughts, and thoughts are formed by guarding secrets.

پيروزي در دورانديشي ، و دورانديشي در بكارگيري صحيح انديشه و انديشه صحيح به رازداري است.

Fear the attack of a noble person when he is hungry and that of an ignoble person when he is satiated.

از يورش بزرگوار به هنگام گرسنگي ، و از تهاجم انسان پست به هنگام سيري ، بپرهيز

[Ramana]

Love is

love is the soul of hearts
عشق روح قلب هاست
love is
عشق
the meaning of peotry
معنای شعر است
the inspration of dreams
الهام رویاهاست
the passion of dance
هیجان رقص است
the music of songs
موسیقی آوازهاست
love is
عشق
the spirit of souls
شور و شوق روح است
the emotion of hearts
احساس قلب است
love is
عشق
peotry of dreams
شعر رویاهاست
the dance of songs
رقص آوازهاست
soul of heart and the
و روح قلب هاست
how you are
آیا می دانی که
the deepest meaning in my life
عمیق ترین معنای زندگی منی
please always know
خواهش می کنم همیشه بدان
that i love you
که دوستت دارم
more than any things else in this world
بیشتر از هر چیز دیگری در این دنیا

[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[Ramana]

RIHANNA- Umbrella

RIHANNA- Umbrella ([ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ])
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] RIHANNA- Umbrella
[Jay-Z]
Rihanna where you at?
ریحانا کجایی؟
[Rihanna]
You have my heart
تو قلبم جاته
And we'll never be worlds apart
و دنیای ما هیچوقت نمیتونه از هم جدا بشه
May be in magazines
ممکنه این فقط تو مجله ها باشه
But you'll still be my star
اما تو هنوز ستاره منی
Baby cause in the dark You can't see shiny cars
عزیزم تو نمیتونی تو تاریکی ستاره های دب اکبر رو ببینی
And that's when you need me there
و اون زمانیه که اونجا به من نیاز داره
With you I'll always share
و این کار رو ما با هم انجام میدیم
Because
چون
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
وقتی خورشید میدرخشه، ما با هم شروع به درخشیدن می کنیم
Told you I'll be here forever
بهت گفته بودم که همیشه اینجا پیشت می مونم
Said I'll always be a friend
گفته بودم که همیشه دوستت می مونم
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
قسم خوردم و تا آخر پاش وای مستم
Now that it's raining more than ever
حالا باران شدید تر از همیشه شده
Know that we'll still have each other
می دونم که ما هنوز همدیگه رو داریم
You can stand under my umbrella
میتونی بیای زیر چتر من
You can stand under my umbrella
میتونی بیای زیر چتر من
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
These fancy things, will never come in between
نمیذیریم این چیزهای هوسانه بین ما بوجود بیاد
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
تو قسمتی از وجود منی، برای اینکه من فنا ناپذیر بشم
When the war has took it's part
وقتی جنگ رختش رو جمع کرد
When the world has dealt it's cards
وقتی دنیامون آروم شد
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
با هم قلبت رو مرمت می کنیم
Because
چون
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
وقتی خورشید میدرخشه، ما با هم شروع به درخشیدن می کنیم
Told you I'll be here forever
بهت گفته بودم که همیشه اینجا پیشت می مونم
Said I'll always be a friend
گفته بودم که همیشه دوستت می مونم
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
قسم خوردم و تا آخر پاش وای مستم
Now that it's raining more than ever
حالا باران شدید تر از همیشه شده
Know that we'll still have each other
می دونم که ما هنوز همدیگه رو داریم
You can stand under my umbrella
میتونی بیای زیر چتر من
You can stand under my umbrella
میتونی بیای زیر چتر من
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
زیر چتر من
You can run into my arms
میتونی بپری تو آغوشم
It's okay don't be alarmed
عیبی نداره هراسان نباش
Come here to me
بیا پیشم
There's no distance in between our love
فاصله ای بین عشق ما وجود نداره
So go on and let the rain pour
پس ادامه بده و بذار بارش بارون ادامه پیدا کنه
I'll be all you need and more
میشم همون چیزی که تو میخوای، (شایدم) بیشتر
Because
چون
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
وقتی خورشید میدرخشه، ما با هم شروع به درخشیدن می کنیم
Told you I'll be here forever
بهت گفته بودم که همیشه اینجا پیشت می مونم
Said I'll always be a friend
گفته بودم که همیشه دوستت می مونم
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
قسم خوردم و تا آخر پاش وای مستم
Now that it's raining more than ever
حالا باران شدید تر از همیشه شده
Know that we'll still have each other
می دونم که ما هنوز همدیگه رو داریم
You can stand under my umbrella
میتونی بیای زیر چتر من
You can stand under my umbrella
میتونی بیای زیر چتر من
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
زیر چتر من
It's raining
داره باران میباره
Ooh baby it's raining
آه عزیزم داره باران میباره
Baby come here to me
عزیزم بیا پیشم
Come here to me
بیا پیشم
It's raining
داره باران میباره

Ooh baby it's raining[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]
آه عزیزم داره باران میباره

[Ramana]

یک مطلب جالب انگلیسی با ترجمه ی فارسی
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB
اعتماد فاکتورخیلی مهمی برای تمام روابط است . وقتی اعتمادازبین میرود آن پایان رابطه می باشد. فقدان اعتماد منجر به شک وشک موجب عصبانیت می شودو عصبانیت نیز موجب دشمنی شده ودشمنی ممکن است به جدایی منجرشود.
یک اپراتور تلفن به من گفت که یک روزبا اویک تماس تلفنی گرفته شد.اوجواب داد:" بخش خدمات عمومی " دراینجاسکوت بود او دوباره تکرارکرد بخش خدمات عمومی بازهم جوابی داده نشد. وقتی او میرفت که تماس راقطع کند اوصدای یک زن راشنید "اوه پس اینجا بخش خدمات عمومی است ببخشید من شماره راازجیب همسرم برداشتم و نمیدانستم شماره برای چه کسی است.
بدون اعتماد متقابل فقط تصور کنید چه اتفاقی می افتاد برای زوج اگر اپراتور تلفن میگفت "سلام" به جای "بخش خدمات عمومی

[Ramana]

جمله ای زیبا از ویلیام شکسپیر
[ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] Three sentences for getting success

1-Know more than other
2-Work more than other
3-Expect less than other

WILLIAM SHEAKSPER
-سه جمله برای کسب موفقیت:
1-بیشتر از دیگران بدان.
2-بیشتر از دیگران کار کن.
3-کمتر از دیگران انتظار داشته باش .
ویلیام شکسپیر

[Ramana]

جمله ای زیبا از توماس ادیسون با ترجمه ی فارسی


I will not say failed 1000 times,
I will say That i discovered there are 1000 ways that can cause failure.

THOMAS EDISON

من نخواهم گفت هزار بار شکست خوردم...
من خواهم گفت در حالیکه هزار راه شکست وجود داشت من کشف کردم .

"توماس ادیسون"

[Ramana]

يك چشم مادر

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment.
مادر من فقط یك چشم داشت . من از اون متنفر بودم ... اون همیشه مایه خجالت من بود
She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.
اون برای امرار معاش خانواده برای معلم ها و بچه مدرسه ای ها غذا می پخت
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.
یك روز اومده بود دم در مدرسه كه به من سلام كنه و منو با خود به خونه ببره
I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me?
خیلی خجالت كشیدم . آخه اون چطور تونست این كار رو بامن بكنه ؟
I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
به روی خودم نیاوردم ، فقط با تنفر بهش یه نگاه كردم وفورا از اونجا دور شدم
The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has one eye!"
روز بعد یكی از همكلاسی ها منو مسخره كرد و گفت هووو .. مامان تو فقط یك چشم داره
I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear.
فقط دلم میخواست یك جوری خودم رو گم و گور كنم . كاش زمین دهن وا میكرد و منو ..كاش مادرم یه جوری گم و گور میشد...
So I confronted her that day and said, " If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?!!!"
روز بعد بهش گفتم اگه واقعا میخوای منو شاد و خوشحال كنی چرا نمی میری ؟
My mom did not respond...
اون هیچ جوابی نداد....
I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.
حتی یك لحظه هم راجع به حرفی كه زدم فكر نكردم ، چون خیلی عصبانی بودم .
I was oblivious to her feelings
احساسات اون برای من هیچ اهمیتی نداشت
I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.
دلم میخواست از اون خونه برم و دیگه هیچ كاری با اون نداشته باشم
So I studied real hard, got a chance to go to Singapore to study.
سخت درس خوندم و موفق شدم برای ادامه تحصیل به سنگاپور برم
Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own.
اونجا ازدواج كردم ، واسه خودم خونه خریدم ، زن و بچه و زندگی...
I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts
از زندگی ، بچه ها و آسایشی كه داشتم خوشحال بودم
Then one day, my mother came to visit me.
تا اینكه یه روز مادرم اومد به دیدن من
She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.
اون سالها منو ندیده بود و همینطور نوه ها شو
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.
وقتی ایستاده بود دم در بچه ها به اون خندیدند و من سرش داد كشیدم كه چرا خودش رو دعوت كرده كه بیاد اینجا ، اونم بی خبر
I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!" GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
سرش داد زدم ": چطور جرات كردی بیای به خونه من و بجه ها رو بترسونی؟!" گم شو از اینجا! همین حالا
And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared out of sight.
اون به آرامی جواب داد : " اوه خیلی معذرت میخوام مثل اینكه آدرس رو عوضی اومدم " و بعد فورا رفت واز نظر ناپدید شد .
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house in Singapore .
یك روز یك دعوت نامه اومد در خونه من درسنگاپور برای شركت درجشن تجدید دیدار دانش آموزان مدرسه
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.
ولی من به همسرم به دروغ گفتم كه به یك سفر كاری میرم .
After the reunion, I went to the old s**** just out of curiosity.
بعد از مراسم ، رفتم به اون كلبه قدیمی خودمون ؛ البته فقط از روی كنجكاوی .
My neighbors said that she is died.
همسایه ها گفتن كه اون مرده
I did not shed a single tear.
ولی من حتی یك قطره اشك هم نریختم
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.
اونا یك نامه به من دادند كه اون ازشون خواسته بود كه به من بدن
"My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to Singapore and scared your children.
ای عزیزترین پسر من ، من همیشه به فكر تو بوده ام ، منو ببخش كه به خونت تو سنگاپور اومدم و بچه ها تو ترسوندم ،
I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
خیلی خوشحال شدم وقتی شنیدم داری میآی اینجا
But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.
ولی من ممكنه كه نتونم از جام بلند شم كه بیام تورو ببینم
I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.
وقتی داشتی بزرگ میشدی از اینكه دائم باعث خجالت تو شدم خیلی متاسفم
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye.
آخه میدونی ... وقتی تو خیلی كوچیك بودی تو یه تصادف یك چشمت رو از دست دادی
As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye.
به عنوان یك مادر نمی تونستم تحمل كنم و ببینم كه تو داری بزرگ میشی با یك چشم
So I gave you mine.
بنابراین چشم خودم رو دادم به تو
I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.
برای من اقتخار بود كه پسرم میتونست با اون چشم به جای من دنیای جدید رو بطور كامل ببینه
With my love to you,
با همه عشق و علاقه من به تو,

[Ramana]

I swear by the quiet silence of your paper house, I know your dreams are as beautiful as my fancies believable. You've got the mystic believe of love from my silence. I've got the final point of belief from your silence. Maybe it's not possible to feel that the words we say about the paper world we've made are hearable. But we can start to paint the gray branches of the paper trees green. I know painting, you know painting too. So why don't you start? When I was a child, I didn't have any water color. I used to go to little garden near stream and cut all the color flowers and paint. If we search the paper garden near paper house for a short time, there have to be flowers to paint our believes the red color of love.:icon_pf2 (56)::icon_pf2 (56)::icon_pf2 (56):

به سکوت آرام خانه کاغذی ات قسم که می دانم رویاهای تو به زیبایی خیالات من باورکردنی است. تو از سکوت من به باور عرفانی عشق رسیده ای. من از سکوت تو به نقطه نهایی ایمان رسیده ام. شاید نتوان درک کرد که گفته های ما از آن دنیای کاغذی که ساخته ایم، شنیدنی است. ولی می شود دست به کار شد و رنگ سبز به شاخه های خاکستری درختهای کاغذی کشید. من که نقاشی کردن می دانم. تو هم که نقاشی کردن می دانی. پس چرا دست به کار نمی شوی؟ وقتی بچه بودم، برایم آبرنگ نمی خریدند. می رفتم سراغ باغچه کنار رودخانه هر چه گلهای رنگی بود می چیدم و نقاشی می کردم. اگر کمی در باغ کاغذی کنار خانه کاغذی مان جستجو کنیم حتماً گلهای کاغذی دارد که رنگ قرمز عشق به باورهایمان بکشیم.:icon_pf2 (56)::icon_pf2 (56)::icon_pf2 (56):

[Ramana]

Only great minds can read this ! This is weird, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too!

Cna yuo raed tihs?
Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs forwrad it.

[Ramana]

The day and the Time
روزها و لحظه ها
Who's to say
چه کسی میگوید
That we always have to agree
که ما همیشه با هم خوشنودیم
I think we both can take this one mistake
من فکر می کنم اگه باهم باشیم مشکل ساز میشه
Like some kind of amnesty
دوست داشتن نوعی گذشت است

Why to love and with such brutality
چرا دوست داشتن مثل وحشیگری است؟
We're compatible
ما سازگار هستیم
But maybe a bit too much
شاید کمی بیش از نیاز
That's our ambiguity
این توهم ماست
I've cried a thousand storms
من فریاد میزنم به اندازه ی قدرت هزاران طوفان
I've blown away the clouds
من ابرها را کنار دمیده ام
The heartbeat of the sun
ضربان قلب خورشید
Is racing mine
با ضربان قلب من مسابقه میدهد
And listen how
و گوش کن چگونه
My heart is waiting
قلب من چشم براه است

This is the day and the time
دراین روز و این لحظه
I wanna believe
من میخواهم باور کنم
That we may still have a chance
که هنوز هم شانسی داریم
We took a leap in the dark
ما به تاریکی وارد شدیم
But I can see now
اما من میتونم ببینم
That shadows have turned to light
که سایه ها به روشنی تبدیل میشوند

Well we know how ephemeral life is
خب ما میدونیم که زندگی زودگذر
Disillusion takes what illusion gives
بیدار کننده از خواب خیال است و حیله ها را از بین میبرد

What's the use of make believe
فایده ی تظاهر کردن چیست؟
The needles of the clock
عقربه های ساعت
Are moving right to left
از راست به چپ حرکت میکنند
Pretend we never heard the things we said
وانمود میکنیم چیزهایی راکه گفته ایم هرگز نشنیده ایم
Like we've been fead
مثل اینکه مرده ای هستیم ما
And start all over
و شروع می شود از هر طرف
This is the day and the time
این روزها و لحظه هاست
I wanna believe
من میخواهم باور کنم
That we may still have a chance
که هنوز هم شانسی داریم
We took a leap in the dark
ما به تاریکی وارد شدیم
But I can see now
اما من میتونم ببینم
That shadows have turned to light
که سایه ها به روشنی تبدیل میشوند
The heartbeat of the sun
ضربان قلب خورشید
Is racing mine
با ضربان قلب من مسابقه میدهد
And listen how
و گوش کن چگونه
This is the day and the time
این روزها و لحظه هاست
I wanna believe
من میخواهم باور کنم
That we may still have a chance
که هنوز هم شانسی داریم
We took a leap in the dark
ما به تاریکی وارد شدیم
But I can see now
اما من میتونم ببینم
That shadows have turned to light
که سایه ها به روشنی تبدیل میشوند

[ernest1]

ممنون... خودتون ترجمه کردین؟

[Ramana]

Your embrace(شکیرا) Tell me, what's the use

به من بگو چه استفاده ای داره

Of the twenty-four inch waist
از یه کمر 24 اینچی

If you don't touch me?
اگر تو منو لمس نکنی

Tell me, what's the use again
بهم بگو دوباره چه استفاده ای داره

Of being on TV every day
از تلویزیون روشن هر روز

If you don't watch me?
اگر تو منو نگاه نکنی

This house is full of emptiness

این خونه پر از خالیه

My closet's full of dresses
صندوقچه من پر از لباسه

That I'll never wear
من هیچوقت آنها را نمی پوشم

My life is full of people
زندگی من پر از مردمه

But you're my only friend
ولی تو بهترین دوست منی

My best friend
بهترین دوست من

Hope it isn't too late

امیدوارم زیاد دیر نباشه

To say "I love you"

برای گفتن دوستت دارم

Hope it isn't too late to say
امیدوارم زیاد دیر نباشه برای گفتن اینکه

That without you this place looks like London
بدون تو اینجا شبیه لندن

It rains every day

که هرروز بارون می باره


Don't you know it, babe
تو اینو نمی دونی عزيزم
I'm only half a body
من فقط یه جسم ناقصم
Without your embrace
بدون آغوش تو

Let me tell you why

اجازه بده بگم بهت چرا
My heart is an unfurnished room
قلب من یه اتاق بدون اثاثیه هست
Any suggestions?
چقدر تلقین؟
Don't have to tell you more than that

مجبور نيستم بيشتر از اين به تو بگويم كه

Cause no one knows me like you do
نمی دونی علت دوست داشتن منو به تو
Without exception
اعتراضی ندارم

This house is full of emptiness

این خونه پر از خالیه

My closet's full of dresses
صندوقچه من پر از لباسه

That I'll never wear
من هیچوقت آنها را نمی پوشم

My life is full of people
زندگی من پر از مردمه

But you're my only friend
ولی تو بهترین دوست منی

My best friend
بهترین دوست من

Hope it isn't too late

امیدوارم زیاد دیر نباشه

To say "I love you"

برای گفتن دوستت دارم

I Hope it isn't too late to say
امیدوارم زیاد دیر نباشه برای گفتن اینکه

That without you this place looks like London
بدون تو اینجا شبیه لندن

It rains every day

که هرروز بارون می باره

Don't you know it, babe
تو اینو نمی دونی عزيزم
I'm only half a body
من فقط یه جسم ناقصم
Without your embrace
بدون آغوش تو

Hope it isn't too late

امیدوارم زیاد دیر نباشه

To say "I love you"

برای گفتن دوستت دارم

Hope it isn't too late to say
امیدوارم زیاد دیر نباشه برای گفتن اینکه

That without you this place looks like London
بدون تو اینجا شبیه لندن

It rains every day

که هرروز بارون می باره

Don't you know it, babe
تو اینو نمی دونی عزيزم
I'm only half a body
من فقط یه جسم ناقصم
Without your embrace
بدون آغوش تو

[Ramana]

Dreams for plans(شکیرا) Dreams for plans
Once upon a time you and I
در زمان های خیلی دور من و تو
When we were dreaming and easy
زمانی كه ما در خواب آسوده بودیم
Fresh as limes and happy as a Sunday sky
با نشاط تر از لیموترش و شادتر از آسمان روزهای یکشنیه
There was nothing we could sell or buy
نه چیزی بود که بخریم و نه چیزی بود که بفروشیم
'Cause all we really needed
چون تمام چیزی که ما واقعا لازم داشتیم
Was our bare feet and a pair of wings to fly
پاهای برهنه مان بود و یک جفت بال برای پرواز
What do you think darling?
چی فکر می کنی عزیزم؟
Have we lived too much too fast?
ما خیلی زیاد و خیلی سریع زندگی کردیم؟
And have you

و آیا تو

have you felt the melancholy, darling,
آیا ناراحتی عزیزم؟
Wishing the time hadn't passed?
آرزو داشتی که زمان نمی گذشت؟
Can you tell me how it used to be?
می تونی به من بگی چطور این اتفاق افتاد؟
Have we missed our chance?
آیا ما شانسمون رو از دست داده ایم؟
Have we changed our hopes for fears
آیا آرزوهامون رو به خاطر ترس تغییر داده ایم؟
And our dreams for plans?
و رویاهامون رو برای نقشه هامون؟
Can you tell me how it used to be
می تونی به من بگی چطور این اتفاق افتاد؟
When we really cared?
زمانی که ما واقعا مراقب بودیم
And when love was on our side
و زمانی که عشق در کنار مان بود
On our side …
در کنار مان…
I remember all the times before
من تمام لحظات گذشته رو بخاطر میارم
When we could spend our evening
زمانی ما می تونستیم غروب هارو باهم بگذرونيم
Staring at the ceiling, lying on the floor
به سقف خیره بشیم، روی زمین دراز بکشیم
my vocabulary wasn't broad
واژگان من وسیع نبود
And I spoke so little English
و من آنچنان کم انگلیسی صحبت می کردم
And the words transferred

و لغات انتقال مي يافت
Sound like something odd
صداها همانند چيز هاي عجيب بود
What do you think darling?
چی فکر می کنی عزیزم؟
Have we lived too much too fast?
ما خیلی زیاد و خیلی سریع زندگی کردیم؟
And have you

و آیا تو

have you felt the melancholy, darling,
آیا ناراحتی عزیزم؟
Wishing the time hadn't passed?
آرزو داشتی که زمان نمی گذشت؟
Can you tell me how it used to be?
می تونی به من بگی چطور این اتفاق افتاد؟
Have we missed our chance?
آیا ما شانسمون رو از دست داده ایم؟
Have we changed our hopes for fears
آیا آرزوهامون رو به خاطر ترس تغییر داده ایم؟
And our dreams for plans?
و رویاهامون رو برای نقشه هامون؟
Can you tell me how it used to be
می تونی به من بگی چطور این اتفاق افتاد؟
When we really cared?
زمانی که ما واقعا مراقب بودیم
And when love was on our side
و زمانی که عشق در کنار مان بود
On our side …
در کنار مان…

What is your guess, darling?

حدس تو چيه عزيزم؟
Have I lived too much, too fast?

من خیلی زیاد و خیلی سریع زندگی کردیم؟
So if you

اگر تو هم اينچنيني
If you ever come and find me crying

اگر آمدي وگريه هاي مرا ديدي
Now you know

حالا تو ميدوني
Now you know why

حالا تو ميدوني چرا
Can you tell me how I used to be?

می تونی به من بگی چطور من اينگونه ام؟
Have I missed my chance?

آیا من شانسمو از دست داده ایم؟
Have I changed my hopes for fears

آیا آرزوهايم رو به خاطر ترس تغییر داده ام؟
And my dreams for plans?

و رویاهايم را برای نقشه هايم؟
Can you tell me how it used to be

می تونی به من بگی چطور این اتفاق افتاد؟
When we really cared?

زمانی که ما واقعا مراقب بودیم؟
And when love was on our side

و زمانی که عشق در کنار مان بود
On our side...
در کنار مان...

[Ramana]

hay amores(شکیرا) متن و تر جمه ی hay amores

Oh my Love
What Wouldn t I Do For You
Just To Take You For A Second
Away From The World
And Close To Me

Oh my Love
Like The Magdarina River
That Is Melts In To Sands From The sea
I Wont To Melt Into You

There are Love Affairs
That Wait Until Winter To Blossom
And Get Greener At Night In The Fall
Just Like This Love That I Feel For You



آه عشق من
چه چيزي را نبايد براي تو انجام دهم
فقط تو را براي ثانيه اي داشته باشم
بدور از دنيا
........

آه عشق من
همانند رودخانه ي ماگدارينا
كه شن ها را در دريا مخلوط مي كند
ميخواهم تا در درون تو آميخته شوم

در عشق عشقبازي وجود دارد
با صبر كردن در زمستان شكوفه بوجود مي آيد
و بوجود آمدن سبزي در شب پائيزي
فقط شبيه اين عشق و آن احساس من نسبت به تو است

[Ramana]

don't bother(شکیرا) او ظاهری داره که جاذ به زمینو به مبارزه می طلبه

She's the greatest cook
او بزرگترین آشپزه

And she's fat free
و لاغره
She's been to private school
او مدرسه غیر انتفاعی بوده

And she speaks perfect French
و خیلی خوب فرانسوی صحبت می کنه

She's got the perfect friends
او دوستان بی نظیری داره

Oh isn't she cool
اوه او عالی نیست؟
She pratices Tai Chi
او تمرین تای چی می کنه

She'd never lose her nerve
هیچ وقت عصبی نمیشه

She's more than you deserve
اون از تو سر تره

She's just far better than me
او انصافا به مراتب بهتر از منه
Hey hey
هی، هی
So don't bother
پس مزاحم نشو

I won't die of deception
من نمی خوام با فریب بمیرم

I promise you won't ever see me cry
من قول میدم هیچ وقت گریمو نخواهی دید

Don't feel sorry
احساس تاسف نکن
And don't bother
و مزاحم نشو

I'll be fine
من خوب می شم

But she's waiting
ولی او منتظره

The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
حلقه ای که به او دادی درخششو از دست میده

So don't bother, be unkind
پس مزاحم نشو، نامهربان باش
I'm sure she doesn't know
من مطمئنم او نمی دونه

How to touch you like I would
چه جوری تورو اونجوری که من می خوام، لمس کنه

I beat her at that one good
من تو این یکی از او سرم

Don't you think so?
تو اینجور فکر نمی کنی؟
She's almost 6 feet tall
او تقریبا شش فوت قدشه

She must think I'm a flea
لابد فکر می کنه من یه کک هستم

I'm really a cat you see
تو می بینی که من واقعا یه گربه ام

And it's not my last life at all
و این هیچگاه آخر زندگیم براي هميشه نیست
Hey hey
هی، هی
So don't bother
پس مزاحم نشو

I won't die of deception
من نمی خوام با فریب بمیرم

I promise you won't ever see me cry
من قول میدم هیچ وقت گریمو نخواهی دید

Don't feel sorry
احساس تاسف نکن
don't bother
مزاحم نشو

I'll be fine
من خوب می شم

But she's waiting
ولی او منتظره

The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
حلقه ای که به او دادی درخششو از دست میده

So don't bother, be unkind
پس مزاحم نشو، نامهربان باش
For you, I'd give up all I own
به خاطر تو من از تمام دارایی هام دست کشیدم

And move to a communist country
و به یه کشور کمونیست اومدم

If you came with me, of course
مطمئنا اگر تو با من می اومدی

And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
و من ناخن هامو کوتاه می کردم که به تو آسیب نزنند

And lose those pounds, and learn about football
و چند پوند وزن کم می کردم و درباره فوتبال یاد می گرفتم

If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't
اگه اینا باعث می شد تو بمونی، ولی تو نخواستی، تو نخواستی
So don't bother,
پس مزاحم نشو

I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
من خوب خواهم شد، خوب خواهم شد، خوب خواهم شد، خوب خواهم شد

Promise you won't ever see me cry
قول میدم هیچ وقت گریمو نخواهی دید
And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type
وبعد از همه اینا، من خوشحالم که از نوع تو نیستم

Promise you won't ever see me cry
قول میدم هیچ وقت گریمو نخواهی دید
So don't bother,
پس مزاحم نشو

I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
من خوب خواهم شد، خوب خواهم شد، خوب خواهم شد، خوب خواهم شد

Promise you won't ever see me cry
قول میدم هیچ وقت گریمو نخواهی دید
And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type, not your type,
وبعد از همه اینا، من خوشحالم که از نوع تو نیستم

not your type, not your type

ازنوع تو نيستم, از نوع تو نيستم

Promise you won't ever see me cry
قول میدم هیچ وقت گریمو نخواهی دید

[Ramana]

شعری زیبا از دختر نوجوان مبتلا به سرطان!


SLOW DANCE
رقص آرام
Have you ever
watched kids


آیا تا به حال به کودکان نگریسته اید


On a merry-go-round?

در حالیکه به بازی "چرخ چرخ" مشغولند؟


Or listened to
the rain


و یا به صدای باران گوش فرا داده اید،


Slapping on the ground?


آن زمان که قطراتش به زمین برخورد می کند؟


Ever followed a
butterfly's erratic flight?


تا بحال بدنبال پروانه ای دویده اید، آن زمان که نامنظم و بی هدف به چپ و راست پرواز می کند؟


Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?


یا به خورشید رنگ پریده خیره گشته اید، آن زمان که در مغرب فرو می رود؟


You better slow down.


کمی آرام تر حرکت کنید

Don't dance so
fast.


اینقدر تند و سریع به رقص درنیایید
Time is short.


زمان کوتاه است
The music won't
last


موسیقی بزودی پایان خواهد یافت

Do you run through each day

On the
fly?


آیا روزها را شتابان پشت سر می گذارید؟
When you ask How are you?
آنگاه که از کسی می پرسید حالت چطور است،
Do you hear the
reply?


آیا پاسخ سوال خود را می شنوید؟
When the day is done
هنگامی که روز به پایان می رسد
Do you lie in your
bed


آیا در رختخواب خود دراز می کشید
With the next hundred chores
و اجازه می دهید که صدها کار ناتمام بیهوده و روزمره
Running through
your head?


در کله شما رژه روند؟
You'd better slow down
سرعت خود را کم کنید. کم تر شتاب کنید.
Don't dance so
fast.


اینقدر تند و سریع به رقص در نیایید.
Time is short.
زمان کوتاه است.


The music won't
last. موسیقی دیری نخواهد پائید
Ever told your child,
آیا تا بحال به کودک خود گفته اید،


We'll do it
tomorrow?
"فردا این کار را خواهیم کرد"


And in your haste,
و آنچنان شتابان بوده اید
Not see
his


که نتوانید غم او را در چشمانش ببینید؟
sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
تا بحال آیا بدون تاثری
Let a good
friendship die


اجازه داده اید دوستی ای به پایان رسد،
Cause you never had time
فقط بدان سبب که هرگز وقت کافی ندارید؟

or call
and say,'Hi'
آیا هرگز به کسی تلفن زده اید فقط به این خاطر که به او بگویید: دوست من، سلام؟
You'd better slow down.
حال کمی سرعت خود را کم کنید. کمتر شتاب کنید.
Don't dance
so fast.
اینقدر تند وسریع به رقص درنیایید.
Time is short.
زمان کوتاه است.
The music won't last.موسیقی دیری نخواهد پایید.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
آن زمان که برای رسیدن به مکانی چنان شتابان می دوید،
You
miss half the fun of getting there.
نیمی از لذت راه را بر خود حرام می کنید.
When you worry and hurry
through your day,
آنگاه که روز خود را با نگرانی و عجله بسر می رسانید،
It is like an unopened
gift....
گویی هدیه ای را ناگشوده به کناری می نهید.
Thrown away.

Life is not a
race.
زندگی که یک مسابقه دو نیست!
Do take it slower
کمی آرام گیرید
Hear the
music
به موسیقی گوش بسپارید،
Before the song is over.


پیش از آنکه آوای آن به پایان رسد.

[Ramana]

How do you do (شکیرا) چه کار میکنی؟
Forgive us our trespasses
ما را به خاطر گناهانمان ببخش

As we forgive those who have trespassed against us
همانطور که ما میبخشیم آنهایی را که در مورد ما مرتکب خلاف شده اند

Give us this day our daily bread
امروز به ما روزیمان را عطا کن

Daily bread, daily bread

،روزی ، روزی
In cello et in terra fiat voluntas tua

Gloria Espiritu Santo

What language do you speak
به چه زبانی صحبت میکنی؟

If you speak at all?

اگر تو همیشه صحبت میکنی؟

Are you some kind of freak
آیا کسی هستی که رگه هایی از مهربانی در وجودت است؟

Who lives to raise the ones who fall?

چه کسی زنده است برای بالا کشیدن افرادی که به پایین سقوط کرده اند؟

Hey, would you tell me why
هی! میتونی به من بگی چرا

The cat fights the dog?

سگ و گربه با هم دعوا میکنن؟

Do you go to the Mosque
آیا به مسجد می روی؟

Or the Synagogue?

يا كنيسه؟(پرستشگاه‌ يهود)
And if our fates have all been wrapped around your finger
و اگر سرنوشت ما به دور انگشت تو پیچیده شده

And if you wrote the script then why the troublemakers?

را مینویسی،پس چرا آزاردهندگان را خلق میکنی؟, و اگر تو متن نمایشنامه زندگی ما

How do you do?
چه کار میکنی؟

How does it feel to be so high
چه عملی سبب میشود که تا این اندازه بلند مرتبه احساس بشود؟

And are you happy?
و آیا تو شادی؟

Do you ever cry?

همیشه گریانی؟

... I sometimes cry ...

من بعضي مواقع ميگريم... …

You've made mistakes
تو اشتباه میکنی،

Well that's OK 'cause we all have

خوب این منطقیه ما هم اشتباه میکنیم

But if I forgive yours
اما اگر ما اشتباه هایت را فراموش کنیم

Will you forgive mine?

،تو نیز اشتباه های ما را فراموش میکنی؟
Hey, do you feel our pain
هی! آیا درد ما را احساس میکنی؟

And walk in our shoes?
و با کفش های ما راه میروی؟

Have you ever felt starved

آیا گرسنگی را احساس میکنی ؟

Or is your belly always full?
یا شکم تو همیشه پر است؟

How many people die
چه تعداد انسان در راه

And hurt in your name?

نام تو مردن و آسیب دیدن؟

Hey, does that make you proud
هی! این ها تو رو مغروور میکنه

Or does it bring you shame?

یا شرمنده؟
And if our fates have all been wrapped around your finger
و اگر سرنوشت ما به دور انگشت تو پیچیده شده

And if you wrote the script then why the troublemakers?
و اگر تو متن نمایشنامه را مینویسی ،پس چرا آزاردهندگان را خلق میکنی؟
How do you do?
چه کار میکنی؟

How does it feel to be so high
چه عملی سبب میشود که تا این اندازه بلند مرتبه احساس بشود؟

And are you happy?
و آیا تو شادی؟

Do you ever cry?

همیشه گریانی؟

... I sometimes cry ...

من بعضي مواقع ميگريم... …

You've made mistakes
تو اشتباه میکنی،

Well that's OK 'cause we all have

خوب این منطقیه ما هم اشتباه میکنیم

But if I forgive yours
اما اگر ما اشتباه هایت را فراموش کنیم

Will you forgive mine?

،تو نیز اشتباه های ما را فراموش میکنی؟
Forgive us our trespasses
ما را به خاطر گناهانمان ببخش

As we forgive those who have trespassed against us
همانطور که ما میبخشیم آنهایی را که در مورد ما مرتکب خلاف شده اند

...Sameh Zoonoobee Allah... [Arabic. English translation: "Forgive my sins, Oh, Lord"]
(به زبان عربی) خدایا گناهانمان را ببخش يا الله......

Give us this day our daily bread

امروز به ما روزیمان را عطا کن

...Mechila... [Hebrew. English translation: "Forgiveness"]
(به زبان عبری) عفو كن ما را ببخش
Daily bread
روزي
...Sameh Zoonoobee Allah... [Arabic. English translation: "Forgive my sins, Oh, Lord"]
(به زبان عربی) خدایا گناهانمان را ببخش يا الله......

Daily bread

روزي
...Ya Allah (S'lach lanu)...

Forgive us our trespasses
ما را به خاطر گناهانمان ببخش

As we forgive those who have trespassed against us
همانطور که ما میبخشیم آنهایی را که در مورد ما مرتکب خلاف شده ا

...Sameh Zoonoobee Allah...


Give us this day our daily bread
امروز به ما روزیمان را عطا کن

...Mechila...
Daily bread

روزي
...S'lach lanu...
Daily bread

روزي

Thine is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory
Amen!
سروری و قدرت و شکوه ازآن توست،آمین.
How do you do?
چه کار میکنی؟

How does it feel to be so high
چه عملی سبب میشود که تا این اندازه بلند مرتبه احساس بشود؟

And are you happy?
و آیا تو شادی؟

Do you ever cry?

همیشه گریانی؟

... I sometimes cry ...

من بعضي مواقع ميگريم... …

You've made mistakes
تو اشتباه میکنی،

Well that's OK 'cause we all have

خوب این منطقیه ما هم اشتباه میکنیم

And if I forgive yours
و اگر ما اشتباه هایت را فراموش کنیم

Will you forgive mine?

،تو نیز اشتباه های ما را فراموش میکنی؟

... Will you forgive mine? ...

،تو نیز اشتباه های ما را فراموش میکنی؟

How do you do?
چه کار میکنی؟

How does it feel to be so high
چه عملی سبب میشود که تا این اندازه بلند مرتبه احساس بشود؟

And are you happy?
و آیا تو شادی؟

Do you ever cry?

همیشه گریانی؟

... I sometimes cry ...

من بعضي مواقع ميگريم... …

You've made mistakes
تو اشتباه میکنی،

Well that's OK 'cause we all have

خوب این منطقیه ما هم اشتباه میکنیم

But if I forgive yours
اما اگر ما اشتباه هایت را فراموش کنیم

Will you forgive mine...?

،تو نیز اشتباه های ما را فراموش میکنی...؟

[Ramana]

You have to live moment to moment, you
Have to live each moment as if it is the
Last moment. So don’t waste it in
Quarreling, in nagging or in fighting.
Perhaps you will not find the next
Moment even for an apology.

از لحظه به لحظه زندگی کردن گريزي نيست.
بايد هر لحظه را چنان زندگی كني كه گوي واپسين لحظه است.
پس وقت را در جدل،گلايه و نزاع تلف نكن.
شايد لحظه بعد حتي براي پوزش طلبي در دست تو نباشد.

[Ramana]

When you think that all is hidden
and no one can see within
Remember, Friend,
God Can.
وقتي فكر مي كني همه چيز پنهان است
و هيچكس نمي تواند درون را ببيند
به ياد داشته باش دوست عزيز من
خدا مي تواند
And when you have reached the bottom
And you think that no one can hear
Remember my dear Friend
God Can.
وقتي به انتها مي رسي و گمان مي‌كني
کسي نيست تا صدايت را بشنود
به ياد داشته باش دوست عزيز من
خدا مي تواند
And when you think that no one can love
The real person deep inside of you
Remember my dear Friend,
God Does.
وقتي گمان ميبري كسي نمي تواند
به خود واقعي درون تو عشق بورزد
دوست عزيز من به ياد داشته باش
خدا مي تواند.
بر گرفته از سايت ترانه ها..

[Ramana]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident...

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt...

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break...

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."


ماجرا از اين قراره كه يه روز يه راننده زن و مرد توي خيابون با هم تصادف ميكنن . مقصر زنه بوده و كلي ماشين مرده داغون

شده بوده . تقريبا 60٪ خسارت . بعد زنه از ماشين پياده ميشه و شروع ميكنه به چرب زبوني و مخ زني و ميگه : واي چه

جالب كه ما بهم خورديم واقعا هيجان انگيز نيست ببيبن همه دارن راشونو ميرن و ما باهم تصادف كرديم . خيلي جالبه من

فكر كنم كه ما با يد روز خوبي رو در كنار هم داشته باشيم و از اين جور صحبت ها . بعد مرده هم كه حساس ... ميگه آره

كاملا حق با شماست براي من هم خيلي جالبه كه ما با هم تصادف كرديم . شايد كه ما بتونيم باهم خوش باشيم و كلي

چرت و پرت ديگه . بعد زنه ميگه نگاه كن ببين با اينكه ماشين داغون شده ولي اين شيشه مشروب سالم مونده اين يه

معجزه است . بيا غم دنيا رو بي خيال شيم و اين شيشه مشروب رو بخوريم . بعد درش رو باز ميكنه و ميده به مرده . مرده

هم كه حساس ... از زنه ميگيره و نصفش رو ميره بالا بعد شيشه رو ميده به زنه و ميگه توهم بزن روشن شي بخور تا حال

كنيم . زنه شيشه رو ميگيره و درش رو ميبنده منتظر ميشه . مرده ميگه با حالت مستي شرا پش تو اژش نميخوري ؟

زنه ميگه فكر كنم كه بهترين كار اينه كه منتظر پليس بشيم تا بياد و پدرت رو در بياره . مرتيمه مست كردي نشستي پشت

فرمون و اومدي تو خيابون ؛ ميدوني چه مجازاتي در انتظارته ؟ ميدم پدرت رو در بيارن . پدر سوخته و .... كلي فش ديگه . اين

خانم ها رو كه ميشناسين كافيه موتورشون راه بيفته ديگه عمرا هيچي جلو دارشون نيست . البته با عرض احترام خدمت

تمام خانم هاي اين فروم .

لازم به ذكره كه اين متن خلاصه شده بود .

[Ramana]

خدا را شکر خداراشكر كه تمام شب صداي خرخر شوهرم را مي شنوم اين يعني او زنده و سالم در كنار من خوابيده است.

I am thankful for the husband who snores all night, because that means
he is healthy and alive at home asleep with me
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه دختر نوجوانم هميشه از شستن ظرفها شاكي است.اين يعني او در خانه است و در خيابانها پرسه نمي زند.

I am thankful for my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing
dishes, because that means she is at home not on the street.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه ماليات مي پردازم اين يعني شغل و درآمدي دارم و بيكار نيستم.

I am thankful for the taxes that I pay , because it means that I am
employed.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه بايد ريخت و پاش هاي بعد از مهماني را جمع كنم. اين يعني در ميان دوستانم بوده‏ام.

I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party , because it means
that I have been surrounded by friends.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه لباسهايم كمي برايم تنگ شده اند . اين يعني غذاي كافي براي خوردن دارم.

I am thankful for the clothes that a fit a little too snag , because it
means I have enough to eat.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه در پايان روز از خستگي از پا مي افتم.اين يعني توان سخت كار كردن را دارم.

I am thankful for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day,
because it means I have been capable of working hard.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه بايد زمين را بشويم و پنجره ها را تميز كنم.اين يعني من خانه‎اي دارم.

I am thankful for a floor that needs mopping and windows that need
cleaning , because it means I have a home.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه در جائي دور جاي پارك پيدا كردم.اين يعني هم توان راه رفتن دارم و هم اتومبيلي براي سوار شدن.

I am thankful for the parking spot I find at the farend of the parking
lot, because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been
blessed with transportation
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه سرو صداي همسايه ها را مي شنوم. اين يعني من توانائي شنيدن دارم.

I am thankful for the noise I have to bear from neighbors , because it
means that I can hear.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه اين همه شستني و اتو كردني دارم. اين يعني من لباس براي پوشيدن دارم.

I am thankful for the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I
have clothes to wear.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه هر روز صبح بايد با زنگ ساعت بيدار شوم. اين يعني من هنوز زنده ام.

I am thankful for the alarm that goes off in the early morning house,
because it means that I am alive.
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه گاهي اوقات بيمار مي شوم . اين يعني بياد آورم كه اغلب اوقات سالم هستم.

I am thankful for being sick once in a while , because it reminds me
that I am healthy most of the time
************************************************** ******
خدا را شكر كه خريد هداياي سال نو جيبم را خالي مي‎كند. اين يعني عزيزاني دارم كه مي‎توانم برايشان هديه بخرم.
I am thankful for the becoming broke on shopping for new year , because
it means I have beloved ones to buy gifts for

خداراشكر...خدارا شكر...خدارا شكر [ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] [ برای مشاهده لینک ، لطفا با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ]

[Ramana]

remember
life is a rhythm between day and night,summer and winter.it's
a continuous rhythm.nver stop anywhere!be moving!
and the bigger the swing,the deeper your experience will be.

به خاطر داشته باش که زندگي نوساني است بين روز و شب،تابستان و زمستان.اين نوسان
دائمي است.هرگز هيچ کجا از حرکت نايست!
در جنبش باش!و هر قدر اين نوسان بزرگتر باشد،تجربه ات عميق تر خواهد بود.

[Ramana]

دانشمندان مي‌ميرند همه‌ي دانشمندان مي‌ميرند و به بهشت مي‌روند. آنها تصميم مي‌گيرند كه قايم‌باشك بازي كنند. از بخت بد اينشتين كسي است كه بايد چشم بگذارد. او بايد تا 100 بشمرد و سپس شروع به گشتن كند. همه شروع به قايم شدن مي‌كنند به جز نيوتن.
نيوتن فقط يك مربع 1متري روي زمين مي‌كشد و داخل آن روبروي اينشتين مي‌ايستد. اينشتين مي‌شمرد:
1، 2، 3، ...97، 98، 99، 100
او چشمانش را باز مي‌كند و مي‌بيند كه نيوتن روبروي او ايستاده است. اينشتين مي‌گويد:
"سوك‌سوك نيوتن!!" نيوتن انكار مي‌كند و مي‌گويد نيوتن سوك‌سوك نشده است. او ادعا مي‌كند كه نيوتن نيست. تمام دانشمندان بيرون مي‌آيند تا ببينند چگون او ثابت مي‌كند كه نيوتن نيست. نيوتن مي‌گويد: "من در يك مربع يه مسائ1متر مربع ايستاده‌ام... اين باعث مي‌شود كه من بشوم نيوتن بر متر مربع... چون يك نيوتن بر متر مربع معادل يك پاسكال است،
من پاسكال هستم، پس"سوك‌سوك پاسكال!!!".

All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play
hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter on the ground and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3....97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front. Einstein says:
"Newton's out !! " Newton denies and says Newton is not out. He claims that he is not Newton. All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton. Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared ... That makes me Newton per meter squared ... since a Newton per meter squared is one Pascal,
I'm Pascal, therefore "Pascal is OUT!!!".

[Ramana]

جاده ی دوستی I have a warm and friendly feeling من احساسی عاشقانه ودوستانه دارم
As I think of you today; چون امروز دارم بهت فکر میکنم
And I wish that we could visit, و ای کاش میتونستم ببینمت
But you're many miles away. اما تومایلها از من دوری

Separated by such distance, این فاصله ما رو از هم جدا کرده
Yet our emails bring us near; اما همچنان نامه هامون ما رو بهم نزدیک نگه میداره
Through the miles we share a friendship ما از طریق مایلها فاصله دوستیمونو تقسیم کردیم
That's become to me most dear. که این برای من عزیز و گرامی هستش

Friends through correspondence; دوستانی از طریق نامه نگاری
Still, your face I need not see با وجود این نیازی نیست که بخوام صورتتو ببینم
For your soul shines through the words چون تو روح ووجود تو در میان کلمات میدرخشه
Every time you write to me. هر وقت که برام مینویسی

You have a special way of writing, تو یه روش خاص بری نوشتن داری
Warming as the sunshine rays, گرم کننده همچو پرتوی خورشید
Bringing joy and inspiration, الهام بخش و مایه ی مسرت
Brightening up my days.

You have enriched my life, my dear one, تو زندگیمو ارزشمند کردی عزیزترین کسم
And I'm glad God willed we meet, و من بسیار خوشحالم که خواست خدا این بوده که ما با هم اسنا شیم
"Friendship's Road" is that much nicer جاده ی دوستی از هر مسیر دیگه ای بهتره

[Diego]

Thx Ramana....that was very interesting.

[Ramana]

If you look into my eyes,

اگر در چشمانم بنگری

You will see, All the lies you once told me

خواهی دید تمام دروغ هایی که به من گفتی.


If you look into my eyes,You will see,All the pain that you left me
.
اگر در چشمانم بنگری خواهی دید تمام رنج هایی که تو به من دادی.


If you look into my eyes,You can still see,All the Love that is still in me
.
اگر در چشمانم بنگری خواهی دید تمام عشقی که هنوز در من وجود دارد(نسبت به تو)
After all the things you said,After all the things that you did,After all the Promises that you made
,
بعد از تمام چیزهایی که گفتی وبعد از تمام کارهایی که انجام دادی و بعد از تمام قول هایی که دادی.


You never Looked into my eyes!

تو هیچ وقت در چشمانم ننگریستی!

[Ramana]

Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.

by: Francis Bacon

[Ramana]

Nothing is more fairly distributed than common sense: no one thinks he needs more of it than he already has.

By: Rene Descartes