ENGLISH JOKES

[planaria]

Two man are hunting.Suddenly,one man falls down and isn't moving.
the other man calls for help on his cell phone."Help!'the man says,"i think my friend is dead!"
"I can help you ," says the woman on the phone."first,are you certain your friend is dead?"It's quite for a minute.the woman hears a gunshot .The man returns to the phone."Yes,he's dead.now what?"
That wasn't funny at all and I know that.

[skyzare]

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hi . it is first post that I send to this topic . this is a funny story .exactly for women so I ask all women to read it l

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A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank ?'l
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'l
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.l
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'l
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'lll

[skyzare]

One of Harry's feet was bigger than the other. “I can never find boots and shoes for my feet,” he said to his friend Dick. l

“Why don't you go to a shoemaker?” Dick said. “A good one can make you the right shoes.” l
l
“I've never been to a shoemaker,” Harry said. “Aren't they very expensive?” l

“No,” Dick said, “some of them aren't. There's a good one in our village, and he's quite cheap. Here's his address.” He wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to Harry. l

Harry went to the shoemaker in Dick's village a few days later, and the shoemaker made him some shoes. l

Harry went to the shop again a week later and looked at the shoes. Then he said to the shoemaker angrily, “You're a silly man! I

said, “Make one shoe bigger than the other,” but you've made one smaller than the other!” l

[skyzare]

Hi

  محتوای مخفی: moral 

Think before saying anythings to anyone is very good ( Specially when we are angry ) . I hope ...we can do it ..l

  محتوای مخفی: ... 

you can see the synonymous of some words in the bracket

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A Bag of Nails

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father was very concerned( = interested ) for his son’s future and thought(= p.p of think ) hard about how he could explain to his son why relationships are so important and controlling his temper is a key factor in this


After much thought his father gave him a bag full of nails ( = A nail is a small piece of metal with a sharp end which you hit with a hammer in order to push it into something ) and told him, “Every time you lose your temper, hammer a nail into the back of the fence.” His son did not understand but knew that his father was wise so he agreed


On the first day that the boy received his bag of nails he ended up driving about 37 nails into the fence. Each day he learned little by little to control his temper. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all




He was very proud ( = feeling pleased and satisfied about your own or something ) of himself and went to share his good news with his father. His Father was very proud of him and offered a challenge to his son. “Why don’t you pull out a nail everyday that you are able to hold your temper?" l


As there were many nails in the fence it took the boy sometime to finally remove the nails from the fence. But eventually that joyous day arrived. He was so pleased with himself and he wanted to share this with his father


His father was so proud of his son, but he wanted him to understand that holding his temper was more than just being able to add or remove nails from a fence

He took his son’s hand and showed him all the holes that were left from the nails. “As you see my son, this fence will never be the same, the fence is scarred with holes from your temper

Think of these holes as the words you have spoken in anger, the wounds you have left in people’s lives . Always remember the fence before you speak words of anger

[skyzare]

Hi

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A man found a [ برای مشاهده لینک ، با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] of a [ برای مشاهده لینک ، با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] . One day a small opening ( = hole ) appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled ( = to try very hard to do something when it is difficult ) to force (= get out ) its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress and the man thought the butterfly could not get out of the cocoon .l

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of [ برای مشاهده لینک ، با نام کاربری خود وارد شوید یا ثبت نام کنید ] ( = a tool for cutting paper or cloth, that has two sharp blades with handles ) and snipped off ( = to cut something with scissors )the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged ( = to come out of a dark or hidden place ) easily. But it had a swollen ( = larger than normal ) body and small, shriveled ( = to become or make something dry and wrinkled ) wings
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge ( = to become bigger ) and expand to be able to support the body, . Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of ( = the remaining part of something ) its life crawling ( to move forward on your hands and knees, with your body close to the ground ) around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly . l

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  محتوای مخفی: moral 

moral of story : l

if god had provided us with an easy life without any difficulties then we become paralyzed and could not become strong and could not fly

[chapanah]

[Mr G.T.S]

The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

[Mr G.T.S]

The First Day

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

[Mr G.T.S]

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

- - - Updated - - -

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

[resane.modern33]

cool jokes. thank u all