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صفحه 2 از 47 اولاول 12345612 ... آخرآخر
نمايش نتايج 11 به 20 از 463

نام تاپيک: ENGLISH JOKES

  1. #11
    پروفشنال nimo's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    May 2005
    محل سكونت
    At Home
    پست ها
    558

    پيش فرض

    can i say 1 racist joke?

  2. #12
    حـــــرفـه ای Reza1969's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Feb 2005
    محل سكونت
    Tehran
    پست ها
    930

    13 Ethnic Jokes

    نقل قول نوشته شده توسط nimo
    can i say 1 racist joke?
    You're allowed to tell ethnic jokes on the people of other countries.

  3. #13
    در آغاز فعالیت
    تاريخ عضويت
    May 2006
    پست ها
    4

    پيش فرض

    :sima :: a person from iran went to abroad to engelestan he made a friend there. they went to street and english person fight with other english person. the irany person said to him : my friend dont afraid i have your weather.[QUOTE]
    Last edited by farshid57; 23-05-2006 at 23:48.

  4. #14
    آخر فروم باز Alireza_Shafaei_PCworld's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Sep 2004
    محل سكونت
    اصفهان
    پست ها
    2,077

    پيش فرض Just Read it! a great describe

    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 .
    I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition,



    Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.



    Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

    I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .


    Please help!

    Thanks,
    A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
    ______________________________________

    REPLY:
    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that men complain about.

    Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.




    Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!




    It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to allow this.




    Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

    The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.




    Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

    However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.




    Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

    WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck,
    Tech Support
    Last edited by Alireza_Shafaei_PCworld; 27-06-2006 at 00:20.

  5. این کاربر از Alireza_Shafaei_PCworld بخاطر این مطلب مفید تشکر کرده است


  6. #15
    آخر فروم باز Alireza_Shafaei_PCworld's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Sep 2004
    محل سكونت
    اصفهان
    پست ها
    2,077

    پيش فرض Mariage is easy with ...


    Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
    Son: "I will choose my own bride!"< BR>Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
    Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
    Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
    Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
    Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
    Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Ba nk."
    Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
    Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
    Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
    President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
    Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
    President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
    This is how business is done!!

    Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive


  7. #16
    آخر فروم باز Alireza_Shafaei_PCworld's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Sep 2004
    محل سكونت
    اصفهان
    پست ها
    2,077

    پيش فرض Dear Dad letter


    Dear Dad letter...




    A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
    nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped
    up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst
    premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling
    hands.

    "Dear, Dad.
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with
    my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've
    been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you
    would not approve of her, because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight
    Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not
    only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very
    happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
    whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has
    opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll
    be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the
    commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll
    pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She
    sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of
    myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know
    your many grandchildren. Love, your son, John.

    P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
    wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school
    report that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come
    home.


  8. #17
    پروفشنال love-to-learn's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    May 2006
    محل سكونت
    Tehran
    پست ها
    545

    پيش فرض

    COOL I couldn't predict the PS at the end

  9. #18
    اگه نباشه جاش خالی می مونه shoeib's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Aug 2005
    پست ها
    424

    پيش فرض

    so nice
    good to it's writer for his/her impression

  10. #19
    اگه نباشه جاش خالی می مونه r_azary's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Jan 2006
    پست ها
    391

    6 Lle_english

    Lle_english
    If you really want to learn a language then it's important to be able to understand the jokes told in that language. This is especially useful in English because jokes form an important part of the English language.
    Here you'll find a wide variety of jokes - read them and see if you understand them. If you like one, then try to learn it, and finally practise telling it to other people. Then come back for more!
    There are 23 jokes at the moment.

    Two Balloons (present tense version)
    Two balloons are floating across the desert.
    One balloon says to the other:
    "Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"

    Two Balloons (past tense version)
    Two balloons were floating across the desert.
    One balloon said to the other:
    "Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"

    ================================================== =

    I don't understand the next joke

    What's 3 x 2?
    A little boy returned home from school and told his father that he
    had failed the maths test.
    His father asked him, "Why did you fail?"
    The boy replied, "The teacher asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?' and I said
    '3 x 2 is 6'."
    "Well, that's right" said his father.
    The little boy continued, "Then she asked me 'How much is 2 x 3?"
    "What the hell is the difference?" asked the father.
    The son replied, "That's exactly what I said to my teacher and that's
    why I failed the maths test.

    ================================================== ===

    2 x 11

    Why is two times ten the same as two times eleven?
    Because two times ten is twenty, and two times eleven is twenty, too!

    ================================================== =====

    Long grass
    One afternoon a wealthy laywer was sitting in the back of his ,
    limousine being driven to work, when he saw two men eating grass
    by the side of the road.
    He ordered his driver to stop, and then he got out to investigate.
    "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the men.
    "Sir, we don't have any money for food," one of the men replied.
    "Come along with me," instructed the lawyer.
    The first man said, "But sir, I have a wife and two children. They
    are also hungry."
    "Bring them along too," replied the lawyer.
    The second man said, "Sir, I have a wife and six children. Can they
    come as well, please?"
    "No problem, bring them as well," answered the lawyer as he climbed
    back into his limo.
    Finally, they were all in the limo - the lawyer, the two men, their
    two wives and eight children.
    One of the men said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all
    of us with you."
    The lawyer replied, "No problem, there will be plenty to eat at my home.
    The grass is almost half a metre tall."

    ============================================

    Worms
    It was the first day of Biology for a group of teenagers. The
    professor had arranged a short demonstration for the class.
    He took a worm and dropped it into a glass of water. The worm
    wriggled about in the water.
    Then he took a second worm and dropped it into a glass of alcohol.
    The worm immediately died.
    The professor asked the students if anyone knew what the point of
    the demonstration was.
    A boy raised his hand and said, "You're showing us that if we drink
    alcohol, we won't have worms."

    The topic was merged
    Last edited by r_azary; 28-07-2006 at 14:17.

  11. #20
    اگه نباشه جاش خالی می مونه r_azary's Avatar
    تاريخ عضويت
    Jan 2006
    پست ها
    391

    پيش فرض jokes

    Penguin
    A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel
    Sch?unn when he found a penguin walking along the road.
    So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.
    He said to the policeman "I found this penguin on Hietzinger
    Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Sch?unn. What should I do with it?"
    The policeman looked at the man and said "It's obvious what you should
    do with it! Take the penguin to Sch?unn Zoo.
    The man said "Of course, I'll take it to the zoo" and he left the police
    station with the penguin under his arm.
    The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw
    the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?"
    The man replied "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."
    ================================================== =

    God and the man
    A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a
    few questions?" God says "No, ask me anything at all."
    So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time,
    so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
    God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
    The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you,
    how much is a million dollars?"
    God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
    The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me
    five cents please?"
    God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son.
    Just wait five minutes!"
    Last edited by r_azary; 28-07-2006 at 21:52.

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