Jokes

[Reza1969]

Post your funny jokes here. Please avoid vulgar jokes.

[Reza1969]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him!"

[patal]

A little boy wanted $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to forward it to the President of the United States as a joke. The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $20 bill, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read: "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House in Washington, DC ...and those a**holes deducted $30.00 in taxes."

[safety]

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere.
One of the three men says, "I have an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far enough for someone to hear us."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
15 minutes later, the men in the balloon hear an echoing voice: "Helllloooooo! You're lost!!"
One of the men says, "That must be a Microsoft service tech!"
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
The man replies: "For three reasons:
(1) he took a long time to answer,
(2) he was absolutely correct, and
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."

[safety]

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!

[MR Bean]

Do you know why nioton surprised when an apple dropped on his head
Beacause he was under an orange tree

[FATIMA]

John :" Hi, Bill. How are you? I have a question: I don't have a phone line, so why you don't call me????"

[safety]

This guy calls an Airline and asks "How long does it take to get from Boston to New York? "The rep says, “One min. please, ” and the guy says, “ Ok Thank you for your help”

[Kolubive]

An Iranian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of
security for the loan, so the Iranian hands over
the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, he has the title and
everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept
the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's
president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Iranian for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Iranian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire; why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Iranian replies. "Where else in New York City
can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?".

[nimo]

what's better than a drunk woman?



NOTHING